Carry On

Chapter 7

  It was a few days to Halloween by the time the storm of rumors about the fight between Smith and I had calmed. Even Ron had heard, and kept sending me owls asking why. Though, people still were confused why I 'stood up' for Malfoy. If anything, he defended me, and I have yet to figure out why. In the beginning, I thought he loathed me. But instead, he surprised me by apologizing for his actions in previous years. Then he insulted Smith in my defense. I simply cannot understand why.
  "Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter, pay attention." I heard Snape drawl. I quickly looked up, not wanting to lose anymore points. "As I was saying. Today you will be making polyjuice potion. It can be quite difficult, for those who haven't already brewed it." He pointedly looked at me and Hermione as he said that. "You will brew it with your partners. Begin." He ordered simply.
  Luckily, I was partnered with Hermione, otherwise there would be no way I could pass. Especially since Slughorn decided to retire (again) and Snape took his place after recovering from the war.
  "Harry, could you get the ingredients?" I heard Hermione ask. I nodded and left for the supply closet. I quickly gathered the ingredients, and turned to leave when I crashed into someone walking in, sending us both sprawling. I looked down, and found I was straddling a very irate Malfoy. I felt my face go red, and quickly got up.
  "Malfoy, I am so sorry." I said, quickly gathering the ingredients that were thrown. I offered my hand to help him up.
  "That's quite alright, Potter." He responded, denying my offered hand. He brushed himself off. "Just watch where you are going in the future." He continued towards the supply closet, leaving me slightly taken aback.
  Usually, that would start a shouting match between the two of us, losing Gryffindor even more points. I walked over to where Hermione had set up the cauldron, and handed her the ingredients. We had set up a system early on in the year that I would prepare the ingredients, and she would combine them. This worked well for the both of us, as I was terrible with potions, and Hermione wasn't.
  Usually I would talk to Hermione while she combined the ingredients, but this time I didn't. I had too much to think about. Why didn't Malfoy insult me? Even with his admittedly agreeable behavior lately, I'm surprised he didn't hex me, even with Snape a few meters away at his desk. Which is also strange, on any other day Snape would've taken points away for 'disrupting the class.' Also, not one Slytherin has tried to add any explosive ingredients to my potion yet this year.
  "Harry? Are you listening to me?" I heard Hermione ask. She must have been speaking when I was caught up in my thoughts.
  "Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked. She gave me an exasperated look. Apparently she was talking for longer than I thought.
  "I was saying that I've been thinking, well, about Ron." She glanced at me, and I gave her a look, urging her to go on. "About Ron and I." She stated. I looked at her in confusion. I thought she and Ron got on well. "I don't know, Harry. I don't mean to be rude towards him, especially after everything that has happened to him... But recently I find it hard to, well, be around him. I don't know..." She trailed off. "I need the rat tails." I quickly handed her the ingredient I had been cutting.
  "It's alright, 'Mione. I get it. I felt the same way with Ginny. If you're thinking about ending it, then you should. It would be worse for both of you to drag it out." Ginny and I broke up over summer. We both agreed that our relationship had become too stressful. It hurt, it hurt a lot. That was another reason things were so strained between Ron and I. He hated that I broke up with his sister, but was also slightly relieved that I wasn't dating his sister.
  "Thanks, Harry. I just don't want to hurt him. After everything that happened... He deserves to be happy." I nodded. "So do you." She added, the quickly changed the subject back to the potion. "The potion is done, it needs to continue to brew for one month."
  "Hermione..." I said in a warning tone.
  "Harry, you do. You've had to deal with so much loss and pain in your life. You deserve to be happy." Just then, Snape dismissed the class. She quickly cleaned our work station and left, before I could respond. I gathered my things and headed towards the common room. I decided against going to the Great Hall to eat, I wasn't hungry. Besides, I doubt anyone would notice. Hermione was undoubtedly in the library, and Neville is probably in the greenhouses with Professor Sprout. I felt a familiar lump gather in my throat now that I was alone.
  My mood always worsened around this time of year. Though, it is likely going to be far worse than it normally was. I set my bag on my desk in the corner of the room. I went to grab my potions book, only then realizing it wasn't there. I must have left it in the dungeons. I groaned, unable to bring myself to truly care.
  I collapsed on my bed in a heap. The voice, which had been steadily growing in strength and volume the past few days decided to speak.
  Why did you deserve to live more than them? You are worthless. They died for you. They died because you are weak. You killed them. It said. I couldn't help but listen. I barely felt the tears slip silently down my face. Once again, I found myself reaching to scratch at my arms. It had been weeks since Neville flushed my blade, and I was desperate. It wasn't enough, it never was.
  The voice inside my head quieted as someone knocked on my door. I looked up, confused for a moment. There was another, seemingly impatient knock. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes, and went to answer it. What I saw was certainly unexpected. Instead of Hermione or Neville wondering why I wasn't at dinner, I found Malfoy standing there.
  "How long does it take to answer a door Potter?" He said, clearly irritated.
  "Sorry. What did you want, Malfoy?" I asked flatly. I just wanted him to leave. My emotions still were unstable, and I certainly wasn't going to break down in front of Malfoy, of all people.
  "You forgot your book in potions." He said flatly, thrusting the book into my hands. He looked me in the eyes, piercing grey meeting green. "What's wrong, Potter?" He asked, a bit more emotion in his voice than before.
  "Nothing, Malfoy. I'm fine. Thanks for the book." I began to turn, about to shut the door behind me.
  His eyes narrowed. "You're lying, Potter. How much of a fool do you take me for? Clearly you've been crying. Now tell me why." He demanded.
  "Why do you care? It's not like you have before, Malfoy." I snapped, immediately feeling guilty at his slightly hurt expression. "Sorry." I muttered.
  He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his pale hair. He stopped gelling it a few years before, and it looked better that way. "You're right. I didn't care before. But clearly, you are upset, and if I have learned anything over the past seven years, then I know that you won't say anything to anyone." He looked at me steadily in the eyes, the most emotion I've ever seen in his own piercing silver ones.
  "Halloween is in a few days."I said, looking down.
  "Yes, I made that observation."
  "That's when he killed my parents." I saw understanding pass over his features. He nodded.
  "So that's why you always looked so upset." He said. I didn't bother asking what he meant. Right now, I really couldn't care less. I stiffened when Malfoy grabbed my arm.
  "What are you doing?" I asked, though made no move to pull away. It was oddly comforting to have some sort of physical contact with someone, at least, when they weren't trying to harm me.
  "You shouldn't be alone, so I'm taking you to the common room until Granger or Longbottom return." He said, as if it were obvious. I let him drag me down the stairs to the eighth year common room. He sat me down on a couch, and sat down on the chair across from it. I felt his eyes studying me as I looked down at my hands. The silence stretched on, becoming awkward.
  "Thanks, by the way." I said, remembering his advise from a month ago in Defense.
  "You already thanked me, Potter. There is no need to do so again." He said, still looking at me.
  "Not for the potions book." I explained. "For helping me when everything happened in Defense." I said.
  "There is no need to thank me, Potter." He said, waving it off.
  "How did you know how to calm me down, anyway?" I asked. I saw him stiffen, and backtracked. "Never mind, you don't have to answer that." I looked back down at my hands.
  "No, it's quite alright, Potter. I knew because that is what helped me during the war." He stated simply. I looked at him disbelieving. Draco Malfoy having panic attacks? I didn't think it possible. He saw my expression. "It wouldn't do for a Malfoy to be having panic attacks in front of the Dark Lord." He spat the name out as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "I correctly assumed that it could help calm you down as well, Potter." He finished.
  "Call me Harry." I said suddenly, surprising even myself at the outburst. Malfoy looked at me suspiciously. I held out my hand. "After everything, I think it's time we call off our rivalry." I said. He looked down at my hand for a moment before tentatively grabbing it, as if waiting for me to pull it back.
  "Alright, Pot...Harry. Truce, then. And it is only fair that you call me Draco." He said, shaking my hand. I smiled, the first real one in quite some time.
  I saw Hermione walk through the portrait behind the chair Mal...Draco was sat in. Draco must have heard her, as he got up. "Here she comes. Goodbye, Harry." He turned towards the stairs leading to the boy's dorm rooms. I looked after him as he climbed them.
  "Harry! Where were you? You weren't at the Great Hall!" I heard Hermione exclaim. I reluctantly turned towards her, a smile still stupidly plastered on my face. "What has made you so happy?" She asked.
  "Nothing, 'Mione." I dismissed.
  "Okay, Harry. As long as you're smiling, I suppose." She gave me a questioning glance before continuing. "Harry, you need to eat. I know you haven't eaten lunch, and had barely any breakfast today. So come on." I was about to protest, but was quickly stopped by her next words. "If you don't, I will go directly to Madame Pomfery." She threatened.
  "Hermione, you wouldn't." I said in horror. When the Mediwitch tried, she could just as terrifying, if not more so, than Voldemort himself. 
  "Do you really intend to test me on that, Harry?" She said, hands on her hips. I sighed in defeat, quickly following her in the direction of the Great Hall.