Carry On

Chapter 13

"HARRY!" I heard from behind me. I turned my head to see Draco, panting. I turned back to step off the edge, it wouldn't hurt, would it? It doesn't matter, I deserve it. I started to take that final step forward, only to feel myself be yanked back by my torso. I started to see black spots in my vision. "Dammit, Harry! You have to stay awake. Potter! Please, just don't fall asleep, please don't fall asleep." He said with tears in his eyes, seemingly desperate. Why was he desperate? Why couldn't I sleep? I felt so tired. Just a few minutes wouldn't hurt, right? I thought brokenly. I closed my eyes, losing consciousness to the desperate shouts of Draco.

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   "-wake up?" I vaguely heard. I internally groaned, why were people in my room? I tried to shift my arms, stopping immediately when I felt how badly they ached. Why did my arms hurt so badly? Dammit! I mentally cursed, I cut again, didn't I? I was doing so well!
   "I'm afraid there isn't anything more I can do until he wakes up, Mr. Malfoy. I'm sorry." A woman said from beside me, interrupting my thoughts. Wait, wasn't that Madame Pomfery? Why was she in my bedroom? I took a deep breathe, and was startled to find that I smelled the sterilized stench of the Hospital Wing, not the broomstick polish and sweat filled scent of my room. I tried to open my eyes, but soon gave up at the lead-like heaviness of my eyelids. I soon drifted back to sleep, ignoring any voices coming from my bedside, and the strange smell from around me.

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   "-up. Please." I heard when I regained consciousness again. The voice sounded broken and sad, and utterly desperate. It took me a few more moments to place the voice as coming from Draco Malfoy. Why was he pleading? And why was he in my bedroom? The cloudy memories of before came back, and it hit me that I wasn't in my room, but the Hospital Wing. Why was I here? I remember Draco dragging me to the common room on Christmas, and I remember Hermione and Ron coming through the floo, and...
   Oh.
   "Please, Harry. Please, just wake up. Open your eyes. Please." I felt a wetness on my arm, signaling that the other boy was crying. Why was he crying for me? Shouldn't he hate me? I tried to open my eyes, groaning at the effort. "Harry?" I heard Draco say. Apparently my groan was verbal. I finally managed to crack open my eyes slightly, nearly blinded by the bright light bouncing off the white room. I felt Draco take my hand, though he was careful to avoid where it ached. I managed to fully open my eyes, annoyed at the blurriness, only then remembering that I probably didn't have my contacts in. I groaned again in frustration. I looked around, seeing the blurry forms of the a Hospital Wing, and the pale blue that was Draco's hair.
   "Huh..?" I said intelligently.
   "Harry! You're awake! Oh, thank Merlin! Madame Pomfery!" He shouted for the Mediwitch, who quickly ran over, wand and potions in hand. She tried to shoo Draco away from my bedside, but he was adamant in staying.
"Wha-" I started, but was immediately shushed by Madame Pomfery shoving a potion up to my lips. After a moment of hesitation, I drank the potion. It tasted disgusting, like muddy water mixed with something gone rotten, but I swallowed it down anyway. Almost immediately I felt more awake. Unfortunately, that also meant that I remembered every detail of what occurred at the Astronomy Tower. I felt my eyes sting, and quickly looked away from the two figures by my bed. I heard Draco mumble a spell, and soon something was being placed in my hands. I looked down and found the blurry form of the container I kept my contacts in. I nodded a quick thank you before quickly putting them in.
I soon regretted that decision, as now I could see how worn out the two seemed to be. Draco had deep bags under his eyes, his hair no longer beautifully tousled, but a greasy mess. The Mediwitch's few wrinkles seemed more pronounced, and her eyes were filled with worry. I quickly looked down, unable to meet their concerned gazes. My eyes filled with tears. I finally befriended Draco, but now he'll think I'm a freak. He'd be right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Hermione and Ron likely hated me, they all probably thought it was a stunt for attention. Before my thoughts could go any further, I felt a hand on my chin, forcing me to look up. I braced myself for the hit that must be coming, closing my eyes, but it never did. I kept my eyes closed.
"Harry. Look at me." I heard Draco's stern voice say. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to look the other boy in the eye. "Harry." He said, almost pleading. I finally opened my eyes, meeting his mercury ones. "Never scare me like that again." He said seriously, his gaze unwavering. He released his gentle grip on my chin, and pulled me into his warm embrace. I hadn't felt this since the beginning of the school year, and I had never realized how comforting it was until I felt that overwhelming sense of comfort and warmth seep through my very skin. I couldn't hold back the sobs that built up in my throat. I let out a choked sob, immediately followed by another, and another. I don't know how long we sat there, but I did know that Madame Pomfery left us there soon after Draco initially spoke. After what felt like an eternity, I let out the last sniffle.
"Why..?" I croaked, my voice hoarse from lack of use. The other boy seemed confused at my question, so I elaborated. "Why did you...come after me?" I asked, unable to hold the question back. A pained look crossed Draco's features.
"Of course I came after you, Harry. After what that weasel said to you, you shouldn't have been alone. And it seems I was right." His answer hurt, though I couldn't seem to figure out why. It made sense, I was hurting, so he felt he should go after me. But I still felt an unfamiliar pain in my stomach at his response.
"Don't call him that." I muttered, unsure if he would even hear me. Clearly he did, as he soon sported an angry look.
"I will bloody well call him what I like when he hurts you! He had absolutely no right to spout those lies that he did!He exclaimed.
"It's fine, really. It's true, and I deserve it. All of it." I said, looking back down at my hands. I saw the bandages covering the length of my forearms, and frowned. I watched Draco's pale hand reach over and grip my own.
"Harry, no. You do not deserve to die because of what happened in the war." He said, trying to comfort me. Though it didn't work. I ripped my hand from his grip, ignoring the ache it caused in my arm.
"You don't understand! It is my fault! I hurt people! People were hurt because of me! Merlin, I killed people! I deserve this! All of it!" I shouted, unable to hold back the tears once again. Draco just looked hurt.
"Are you saying I deserve to die?" He asked quietly. I blanched.
"No! Of course not!" I said, shocked that he would even suggest it.
"Then why do you think of yourself like that?" He said. I started to respond, but he cut me off. "I was a Death Eater. I've hurt people too, Harry. I've killed people. All for my own survival, for my own sake. You did it to save the entire bloody wizarding world! You deserve love and adoration! Not this. You didn't kill anyone. Not your parents, not your godfather, no one." He exclaimed, his voice filled with a strange passion.
"Tom." I practically whispered. "I killed Tom Riddle." I said, still looking down.
"That madman wasn't a person anymore, Harry. That thing you stopped, he was a monster." Draco said, once again taking hold of my hand, and this time I let him. I was somehow still able to produce tears, as I felt more wetness on my cheeks. Draco lifted my head and wiped them away with the pad of his thumb, leaning in slightly.
"Harry!" We heard from the entrance of the Hospital Wing. Draco and I quickly jumped apart, though he still had ahold of my hand. I looked up, and saw a very worried Hermione making her way towards me. Once again, I closed my eyes, bracing myself for her insults and possible blows. And again, they didn't come. "Thank goodness you're alright! I was so worried!" She said, flinging her arms around me. "Harry, it's been days! Madame Pomfery didn't know if you would wake up when Draco first brought you in!" She said, practically sobbing into my hair. I awkwardly placed a hand on her back, and she quickly let go. "Sorry." She mumbled.
"Where's Ron?" I asked, ignoring the comment about how long I was out. The two tensed at the question.
"Ronald is still here. He wouldn't leave until you woke." She said crisply. I heard Draco mutter something about bloody Gryffindors and weasels.
   "Could you send him in? Only if he wants to, though." I said uncertainly, looking away.
"No." I heard Draco say. I winced slightly, but didn't respond. I heard the other boy sigh. "Harry, are you sure? After the things he said?" He asked, I looked up and saw him running a hand through his messy hair, a face of disgust passing over his features at the state of it.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I said quietly. Draco huffed, but asked Hermione, who had been silently watching the interaction, to go get the red head. After a few minutes, she came back with a guilty and ragged looking Ron in tow.
"Harry, I-" he stared, but I cut him off.
"Hold on a moment Ron." I turned to the other occupants of the room. "Would you mind giving us a few minutes?" I asked. Hermione stared at me for a moment before nodding, walking out of the hospital room. Draco opened his mouth to protest, but I gave him a meaningful look, and he huffed.
"Fine, but I'll be right out in the hallway." He turned on his heel and walked out. I stared at the door the pastel haired boy walked through for a moment, before turning to Ron, who was shuffling awkwardly.
"Harry... I... Bloody hell! I don't know what to say! I am so sorry. I didn't mean anything that I said. I-" I cut off his ramblings.
"It's alright, Ron. All you did was speak your mind." I said. The other boy blanched at the words.
"Harry- you don't... You don't actually think that you... y'know, caused it... Do you?" He stuttered out in disbelief and shock. I nodded, and he blanched again. "Harry! No! Everything I said was utter bullshit!" He exclaimed.
"Ron, what you said about... Fred..." I choked on the name. "That was all true, but what you said about Draco? That was wrong. Ron, he has changed. And he didn't willingly become a Death Eater." I said, noticing how scrambled my words sounded, even to me. I was still a bit annoyed that Ron had said those things about Draco, and my physical state probably wasn't helping me put together a coherent sentence.
"Mate, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I know. After you...left, Draco 'spoke' to me. Mate, don't blame yourself. I was being stupid prat." He turned to leave.
"Ron." He turned back around. I looked him in the eyes. "It's alright, I don't hate you for what happened." He just nodded, turning away again. As soon as he left, Draco and Hermione strode back in, Draco immediately going to my bedside, and Hermione sitting on a chair in the corner, a thoughtful expression on her face. I turned to Draco, a lighter expression on my own face.
"So what's this I hear about you 'speaking' with Ron?" I saw color flood his cheeks, and laughed softly.