The Star in Our Faults

Chapter 8

The doctor rubbed a cold gel on my belly. I was nervous. I was really excited for my first ultrasound, but this time I would find out if my baby had cancer. Mom sat next to me, clasping my sweaty palm. She didn't know about my baby having cancer but she knew I was worried.

"It'll be okay baby," whispered my mom, although her face was pale.

"You can't call me that now, there's a new baby on it's way!" I tried to joke.

Mom just smiled weakly at me. The doctor rubbed the metal device over my stomach, and a fuzzy picture appeared on the screen.

"Yep, everything looks good here. No problems at all." smiled Dr. Green, after a few minutes.

I breathed out happily. Mom hugged me quickly, stroking my hair.

"I'm just going to the toilet sweetie," whispered Mom. "I'll be back in a minute," she said while closing the door to my private room.

I listened intently while the doctor pointed out the different parts of the baby on the screen. After a few minutes the doctor stared at me

"Hazel..." whispered Dr. Green. "You do know that your baby still is at risk of cancer."

"What?" my smile dropped. "B-b-but you s-said that my baby was h-healthy...you just said...I h-heard you.."

"Yes," Dr. Green nodded. "Your baby shows up as healthy on the scan. But although the scan is brilliant, it can't detect everything."

I sunk down under the covers. I had no idea what I was feeling. In a way, I was angry at myself although I didn't know why. The doctor tried to start a conversation but I shrugged it off. Stupid doctors. Stupid hospitals. Stupid babys. Stupid everything. Then Mom stuck her head around the door before coming in.

"Everything okay here?" she smiled.

Dr. Green started to say something but I cut him off.

"Yep, Yep fine here," I replied, and when Mom was looking I shook my head at Dr. Green and he nodded.

Even though he was as annoying as hell, he could be an okay doctor sometimes.

The next few months went in a blur. They were filled with lots of baby classes, visits to my parents and a very stressful meeting from the midwife. I also had to have my lungs drained so there wasn't any pressure on them while I was giving birth or something. My lungs were going to be working very hard anyway, without the strain of extra liquid.

Isaac phoned. Nearly everyday. Or left text messages. I never replied. Once he even came to my apartment, he knocked on the door for over an hour. I just sat in the living room, bitting my nails raw. I don't know why I didn't talk to him. I was probably too scared.

One day I returned home from the supermarket, 2 shopping bags in each hand, pushing my cannula along with my foot. I was 35 weeks pregnant, only a month an a bit to go till my due date. My belly was huge and I had to wear these big stretchy jumpers and old pairs of my mom's maternity jeans.

Isaac was sprawled across a chair in my living room, has tinted glasses lay squint on his face. His legs were dangling over the edge if the chair, just like how Augustus used to sit. I dropped the shopping bags and their content exploded across the floor.

"What...how..." I gasped at him.

Isaac judged where I was from my voice and turned his head towards me.

"Been a while hasn't it Hazel?" said Isaac sarcastically. "Maybe, I don't know, around 4 months?" his tone changed to anger.

"I'm sorry Isaac, I don't know-" I whispered.

"Last time I saw you, you were half dead in hospital. You didn't return my calls. I didn't know what to do, what to think. I didn't even know your parents number, you could of died in hospital for all I knew! WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU?" shouted Isaac.

"I guess, I was scared..." I stuttered.

"Scared of what? Me?"

Suddenly all my astonishment turned into rage in a split second, and I was left boiling.

"Yes you, Isaac!" I screamed. "Do you think you can just go around kissing people? You knew how much Augustus meant to me, and you just took advantage, how could you do that, I thought you were my friend..." I rambled on, spilling out all the things I wanted to tell Isaac for weeks.

"That's what this is about, a kiss?" asked Isaac.

"Yes..." I whispered while Isaac ran his hands through his hair.

"Hazel, oh god Hazel, that kiss, it didn't mean anything! Well, obviously it meant something to me..." Isaac blushed a deep pink, then carried on.

"I would never try take advantage of you. You're my best friend and I don't want something like a stupid kiss to destroy our friendship. I only kissed you because I felt desperate and I thought you were going to die."

I quietly smiled to myself while Isaac continued.

"I don't think anything could of happened between us anyway, even if I really wanted to. I would of felt to guilty." he admitted.

I slowly stumbled towards Isaac, while he stuck his arms out and I ran into them. We hugged soundlessly for minutes, hours, I don't know. Eventually I spoke.

"Did you really mean it?" I whispered into his shirt.

"All that stuff about feeling guilty? Yeah." he replied.

"No, I mean that part about me being your best friend."

Isaac chuckled into my hair, and I listened out for his reply. He spoke quietly but I heard it.

"Yes," he whispered, while I squeezed him that little bit harder.