The Star in Our Faults

Chapter 10

I lay on the hospital bed groaning, my eyes closed. Mom and dad were either side of me, clutching my hands worriedly. My legs were spread wide and they were covered with a sheet. Many doctors and nurses were bustling around in my private room, typing on the computer, checking scans, feeling around my body. I could feel something in the bottom of my belly, trying to get out, and it hurt.

"I-I need to push!" I moaned.

"Not yet," said Dr. Green firmly. "Your only 6cm dilated. You need to wait!"

"It's not that bloody easy," I said through gritted teeth, while Mom smiled sympatheticly.

I texted Isaac to tell him I was going into labour, and he didn't reply but 15 minutes later he was knocking on the door. A blonde nurse looked at me and I nodded so she opened the door. Isaac came over to me, with the help of his Mom. We chatted awkwardly for a bit.

The doctors explained that it would be a while before they baby would be ready to come out. I nervously chatted to mom, dad and Isaac. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. After what felt like hours I moaned to my mom.

"Hazel it's only been 30 minutes. Pull yourself together!" said my mom sharply, her eyes twinkling.

"Give the girl some slack dear," said dad.

"Uh excuse me, I've been in this position. I know Hazel can be strong." said mom.

I thought about it. I had cancer treatment and I always felt sorry for my self. But what about mom? Childbirth couldn't of been easy for her. I tried to convince myself this, that if I could go through all that horrific cancer treatment, I could go through this. If Mom had done it, I could do it.

I closed my eyes and calmed myself. Mom and dad talked to each other in hushed tones while Isaac stayed silent. Suddenly I felt rage bubbling inside me, and it burst out though my mouth.

"Just get this baby out of me!" I screeched.

I opened my eyes and gasped, as I saw Dr Green at the foot of my bed. He felt under the sheet and gave me a slight smile.

"I think we'll be able to do just that Hazel. Your 10cm dilated. Your baby's ready to say hello to the world," he spoke.

Enjoyment filled my face, then fear. I was actually going to have to do this.

"I-I don't think I can do it," I whispered.

"That's absolutely fine Hazel. We can just give you a drug then perform a C-section and-" started Dr. Green.

I caught a glance of mom. Her eyes bored into mine and I had a sudden rush of bravery.

"No, no, I can do this. I don't want a C-section. I can do this myself." I said.

Two female nurses wheeled my bed into a new room. This room was filled with lots of scans, screens and papers. They stopped the bed, and hooked me into a really large oxygen tank. My lungs felt instantly better.

Mom, dad and Isaac tried to follow me into the room, but a young male nurse stopped them.

"Excuse me, but only the father can be with Hazel at this stage of her pregnancy," he said in a high, squeaky voice.

I swore under my breath, but mom explained to the nurse that she would be beside me during the pregnancy, not the baby's father. The nurse reluctantly let her through, while dad and Isaac strolled towards the waiting room.

Mom sat beside me and clasped my sweaty hand, while I braced myself. Dr. Green positioned himself at the end of my bed and my midwife stood beside me.

"Hazel, when another contraction starts your going to have to push. Okay?" said Dr. Green.

"Okay," I said numbly.

Okay? Okay.

When the contraction came, I pushed. I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed mom's hand. It hurt. It was so tiring. It felt as if it went on for hours, but I was told it was only 10 seconds.

"Good Hazel, well done. Your strong. The baby will be out soon. Your doing great..." the midwife kept shouting out encouraging phrases to me, although I could barley here her.

I knew when the next contraction came that I couldn't do it. I was too sore, too tired. My head was killing me and my lungs were burning up. But I had to try.

The doctor told me I had to push for 20 seconds, so I counted. 1...2...3...

Suddenly something let go. It was as if someone was holding my life on a thread, and when they slipped the thread, I started to die.

Someone had dropped the thread.

My eyes glazed into double vision. A nurse stood before me and slapped my cheeks, but it was too late. I was already down under. It would've been so much easier just to let go, so I didn't have to go through this pain. Somebody screamed, but it was muffled. It might of been me.

A bright, blinding white. A voice. It whispered to me. Not yet, it seemed to say, not yet.

I tried to speak but somehow I couldn't. My bones were too heavy to lift so I was stuck to the ground.

Too young, too soon, whispered the voice, as sweet and sickly as honey.

A clap of thunder boomed overhead and I found myself back in the hospital, propped up by many pillows. The pain was still unimaginable but I felt stronger. I flashed mom a brave smile and she nodded.

"Sorry to say this Hazel, but your going to have to push again." said Dr. Green sympathetically. "If you try hard, this might be the last time."

I pushed again. I squeezed my eyes shut, beads of sweat appeared on my forehead. I crushed mom's hand. I screamed in anguish, hoping that it would make me stronger. My lungs were on fire so I couldn't breathe, but I didn't need to breathe. I only needed to push. Push.

With my last ounce of strength, I pushed as hard as I could. If I was going to die in child birth, I wanted my baby to stay alive. Finally I felt something pop, and my muscles naturally relaxed. I tried to see my baby but I was too exhausted.

I collapsed back onto the bed, my eyes shut, breathing heavily. I tried not to think of anything else, only to breathe. Somebody firmly placed an oxygen mask over my mouth, so I was able to sit up. I reached out my arms waiting for my baby to be placed into them. But I was left empty handed.

I sharply turned towards mom but she wasn't there. I tried to speak but the oxygen mask got in my way. When I tried to rip it of, a nurse stopped me and tried coaxing me to lay down. Where was Dr. Green and my baby? I thought of the worse, that's when any mother would do at this stage.

I didn't need to though. When my eyes were closed in despair, tears rolling down my cheeks, something warm was placed into them. I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful little baby staring up at me, bundled in blankets. The baby was a pretty soft rose, with dots of red and white all over her.

"Sorry it took so long, we had to run some...tests," explained Dr. Green.

"And?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"And..." The doctor looked solemn. for a second, then exploded into a smile. "It's a girl! There's nothing wrong with her. She's a perfectly healthy child."

I burst into tears, in delight. My baby was a girl. My baby was healthy. My baby was alive. My baby...

For once luck was on our side, although not all good things last.