*
It is raining outside in this Sunday morning-- there are little drizzles of rain dropping against the glass window. Though it is busy and humid outside, the room is undeniably quiet, as silence fills the air around the person who is comfortably cocooned inside the thick warm blankets.
Who still wants a person like you, Baekhyun? You can never leave this place! You are one of us!
Baekhyun wakes up.
The first thing he sees is a blurry gray ceiling. It gets clearer and clearer as he slowly blinks, just like the terrifying voice in his dream screaming at him.
He deeply breathes, and shuts his eyes again. Scenes flash in his mind randomly-- wild music, drinks, hurtful conversations. Tears. Forehead kiss.
He wants to laugh sarcastically though, because he was all wrong. It wasn't just a dream at all.
So one night, when they got the chance, they drugged you. And little did you know...
Baekhyun's eyes start to well up tears again.
That they gang-fucked you.
And it hurts too much deep inside. It fucking hurts like hell.
Not because he was gang-raped. Not because he wasn't aware when he was sexually abused. Not because he was drugged and used for pleasure. Not because they took advantage of him. Not because he cared for himself too much.
The only reason is that, it's because.
It's because he betrayed Chanyeol.
It's because he lied to Chanyeol. It's because he's fucking weak he couldn't protect what is supposed for Chanyeol, and for Chanyeol only. His body, his mind, his heart, are all Chanyeol's possession. He doesn't own anything ever since he gave himself to this person whom he loves the most. Chanyeol owns him, yet he wasn't able to keep his promise that he will be his forever.
But...
I will never leave you.
Those warm words...
I promise you.
He wants to believe them.
Baekhyun, I will protect you.
The way Chanyeol said it makes him want to be trusted again. Despite of the mistakes he has commited, things he has hidden from Chanyeol, lies he has made up. Despite all of that, he is gratefully happy that Chanyeol still wants him to stay..
Is this selfishness? Is he being selfish that instead of wanting to be hated, he is otherwise thankful that Chanyeol still decided to stay by his side? Is he selfish that he is glad over Chanyeol being protective over him?
Baekhyun wipes his tears with the back of his hand. He hugs himself, shaking, as he silently cries for the umpteenth time.
No matter how much tears he sheds, he can't bring back what has happened. He's already dirty. He dreadfully hates himself because he doesn't deserve Chanyeol at this point.
He remembers last night. Chanyeol took him here at his place. Baekhyun tried to eliminate all traces of his disloyalty at the shower. He washed himself and scrubbed so hard his skin turned awfully red, but he only ended up hurting himself. He had rashes on his arms and abrasions on his lower body, and it would have been more severe if Chanyeol hadn't come in to stop him.
Knock knock.
Baekhyun pulls out from his trance and looks at the door.
"Are you awake?" Chanyeol's voice is faint as he asks outside the room.
