❤️Jarley oneshots🖤

Wake Up and Smell The Harley

The sound of sizzling bacon and soft humming throughout the warehouse was enough to stir Joker from his sleep. He sat up and groggily rubbed his eyes, cursing the world for not letting him die in his sleep.

He lifted himself from the bed with a groan and a loud yawn, silencing the off-key humming. Soon enough, he could hear the patter of feet making their way up the steps to their bedroom. Harley poked her head in and gave Joker a toothy grin.

"Mornin' Puddin'." She said softly. Joker simply glanced in her direction and sighed. "I made ya breakfast." Harley pushed the door open with her hip and entered with a tray packed with pancakes and bacon in her hand.

"Harley.." Joker muttered as he ran his hand through his messy green hair. "I also brought ya some coffee too!" His Harlequin happily set down the tray on the nightstand and held out Joker's favorite green mug in front of him. "Five sugars. Just how ya like it." She chirped. Joker glanced up at her, clearly annoyed. "It's three." He muttered. Harley's smile fell from her face. "Oh.." Joker noticed her sad expression and rolled his eyes before he planted a kiss on her nose. She knew that was his way of saying thank you and marveled in that simple yet rare kiss.

"There's only one way to a man's heart, Harls." Joker started as he cut into the fluffy pancakes. Harley placed her hands on her hips and awaited the famous philosophy.

"Fuck em', suck em', and leave em' be." He stated matter of factly. Harley simply sighed dramatically and flapped her hand in his face. "Typical man."

As Harley climbed in bed next to her prince, she noticed him shuffle away from her when she tried to lace her fingers with his. Clearly he wasn't in the mood for her affection, so she kept her distance. Joker squinted and looked at her as he chomped on a piece of crispy bacon. "You smell different." He said suspiciously. Harley couldn't help but laugh at his sudden observation. "Whaddya mean Puddin'?" She said with another small giggle.

"Exactly what I said. You smell different. You using another perfume or something?" Joker asked as he took a sip of the steaming coffee. Harley nodded. "Yeah. Red made me some with plant.. Actually, I don't really know what it's made outta but she said it'll rejuvenate my skin." She explained. "Why? You don't like it?" She asked as she sniffed her tank top. "I don't like her." Joker grunted. "How come?" Harley frowned.

"Because every time you come back from hanging out with her you go on and on about saving rainforests." He smirked. Harley smiled. "That's not true.."

Joker looked at her wide eyed. "It is! Maybe not a rainforest, but you try and start recycling everything we own! I swear, Harls, one day you'll come home wearing a leaf on your ass and a flower crown and say it's 'mother nature's calling'." He teased. Harley threw her head back and laughed loudly. "You're such a drama queen!" She said mid-laughing fit.

"I speak the truth my dear, and the truth is, I wouldn't be surprised if you left her house with a solar powered vibrator." Joker said with a chuckle. Harley's jaw dropped. "Mistah J!" She squealed. "Whaaat?!" He replied with a loud cackle. "What good would a solar power vibrator be at night?" Harley quipped.

Joker grinned at her and slapped her thigh playfully. "It'd just be a plain old dildo."

They laughed for a few more minutes, mostly because of the sound of their own laughs. Harley cherished these moments with her Puddin', and she always would. Seeing Joker in a good mood brought her so much happiness. She loved the way his nose scrunched up when he laughed and how he would move his hands in mesmerizing ways when he was passionate about something. She hadn't even noticed she was staring at him until she realized his laughter had died down.

"What are you thinking about, missy?" Joker asked in a lower tone that he knew drove Harley crazy. This caused her to bite her lower lip. Her inviting, soft, plump lip. "You, Mistah J." She replied sweetly. Joker rolled his eyes back. He absolutely loved it when she called him that as much as he hated to admit it. That was another thing about Harley. She knew his every turn on and his every turn off.

And damn, did she play her cards well.

"Y'know, I'm starting to like this new perfume of yours." He said as he buried his face into her hair.
Harley laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Maybe i'll have to getcha some rainforest scented cologne then."

"Oh, sure. Then we can both be hippies." Joker chuckled.

"Good smelling hippies!" Harley corrected.

"If that's what you stoners call it." He teased as he threw Harley off of him, causing her to land with a thud. Just as she was about to get back up and clean up his plate, Joker latched onto her like a leech, pinning her down to their heavenly bed.

"Harley girl?"

"Yes Puddin'?"

"If you were a flower, you'd be a damnnndelion."