❤️Jarley oneshots🖤

Sick day

"Do you think it was somethin' you ate?" Harley rubbed her eyes tiredly as she peered at Joker who was hunched over the toilet, puking his brains out.
All he could do was shake his head and take deep breaths before going right back to the coughing.

"I'm going.. to slit.. my throat." He muttered under his breath as he sat up. His hacking, wheezing, and vomiting had kept them up all night. At this point, it wasn't worth trying to go back to sleep.

Harley sighed and pushed herself out of bed. "I'll go make you some soup.."

"I'm fine, Harley." J called out.

"You have a funny idea of fine Mistah J.." she muttered as she trotted downstairs and into the kitchen.

Joker finally gained the tiniest bit of energy to stand himself up. He looked at himself in the mirror and cursed under his breath. His eyes were bloodshot and as impossible as it seemed, he was paler than usual.

"Imagine that. Gotham's most feared criminal home sick with a stomach bug." Harley giggled as she walked in holding a bowl of soup. Her laughter sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Joker due to his massive headache.

"Leave me alone, or I swear.." Harley payed no attention to his warning as she gently pushed him out of the bathroom.

"Come on, Daddy. Sit down for a little bit. You don't look good." She said as she offered him a hand which he swatted away. "I can walk by myself. I don't need your help." J snapped, keeping himself upright by leaning on the walls. Just as he finished his sentence, he felt himself begin to tilt over.

"Harl-"

"I got you." She smiled up at him as she linked her arm with his. She lead him back to their bed and placed the bowl of soup on the nightstand. He plopped himself down with an exaggerated sigh and looked up at her.

"A thank you would be nice, y'know." Harley said. She picked the bowl back up and held it out to J once he was settled in but he didn't take it. Instead he just stared at her and opened his mouth. Harley rolled her eyes and smirked. "I thought you were fine!"

"Funny, isn't it? I suddenly can't move my limbs!" Joker said with a smile before opening his mouth again. Harley shook her head as she placed a spoonful of noodles into his mouth. Never had she ever imagined that she'd be sitting in a bed spoon feeding ramen noodles to the most dangerous man in the city.

"If Batsy could see us now.." J spoke up, smiling as he gulped down the last bit of soup. Harley bit her lip, trying to suppress a laugh. "What do you think he'd say?" She asked as she set down the empty bowl, laying next to her prince. Joker grinned as he looked down at her. "How am I supposed to know what goes through his head? The man wears his underwear on top of his pants for crying out loud!"

They both burst out laughing at the silly thought. Suddenly Joker's laughter turned into a fit of coughing. He propped himself up on his elbows as he nearly choked on his own air.

"Do you want some water?" Harley rubbed his back tenderly but he pulled away.

"Want some coughing drops?"

"No, I-"

"I can get you some honey if you want.."

"Harl-"

"I heard if you gargle salt water it can help. What do you need Puddin'?"

"I need you to shut up for two seconds." J muttered.

Harley gave him a sheepish smile before backing away. "Sorry.. I just get concerned." Joker rolled over to his side and groaned. "You don't need to be. I'm a grown ass man, Harley. I did fine without you breathing down my neck before, so what makes you think I need it now?"

After almost a minute of awkward silence, he felt the bed shift as Harley quietly made her way out of bed and down the stairs with the empty bowl of soup in her hands. J fought back the urge to go after her, but the sound of little sniffles coming from the kitchen finally got him to cave.

As he slowly but surely made his way down into the kitchen, he noticed how adorable Harley looked washing the empty bowl with her hair pulled back into a messy bun. Not to mention how great her butt looked in those shorts..

She's crying, y'know. You should probably apologize instead of staring at her ass.

Joker sighed and ignored the voice in his head as he strolled over to her. "Pumpkin?" He cooed as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Don't touch me, you're gonna get me sick.." Harley grunted as she pushed him away. "Oh, wait! I am sick. Of your bullshit!" She yelled, throwing J off guard.

"Harley, I-"

She whipped around and pushed him again. "You're the most ungrateful piece of shit I've ever met!" Joker's eyes widened as her face began to turn bright red. "Every time something goes wrong, I'm there for you. I gave up everything for you! My degree, my job, my family, my friends.." her hands began to tremble as she hit his chest over and over.

"What the hell have you ever done for me? All you do is hit me and push me away when I try to help. Why do I care? What's the point anymore? You don't even need me!" She screamed out her last words before Joker wrapped his hand around her mouth.

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Harley now had tears streaming down her face as he stared down at her.

"Exactly." J started, wiping a tear away from her cheek. "No matter what hell I put you through, you'll never leave me. No matter how broken I am, you're there to put me back together." In all honesty, he wanted to throw up as the words left his lips, but at the same time he somewhat meant it.

"I really would be nothing without you, baby. You know that." Harley pulled away from his hand and stared down at her feet as he went on.

"You made it pretty clear that you don't need me.." she mumbled as she wiggled her toes.

"Don't make me repeat myself. You know very well that I'm not the mushy gushy kinda guy. It physically pains me to get all sappy with you." Joker chuckled as he tilted her chin up to face him.

"Can't you see it in my eyes? They're bloodshot! I'm turnin' into a monster because of you!" He teased. "Oh man, call life alert because I think.. I think I got a bad case of the feelings."

Harley couldn't deny the smile tugging at her lips. "Aww, I see it. Come on. Lemme see those pearly whites." J cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers. Finally, she gave him the cheesiest smile she could muster.

"That smile could bring the best soldiers to their knees." Harley let out a quiet laugh as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Watch it darlin', I don't need you throwing up all over me now." Joker patted her head as she snuggled into him. "Oh, cold-shmold. Nothin' the king of crime can't handle, right?" Harley giggled.

"You're the one who's gonna get sick, little miss."

"S'too late. I've been sick for a while now. You just didn't pay attention. Remember when you kissed me yesterday mornin'? Guess you got whatever I had. We'll say that that's revenge. G'night Mistah J!"

Without another word, Harley skipped off. Leaving the Joker standing alone and confused in the middle of their kitchen.

"Sneaky little jester."