Flaws

Something different?

I finally managed to move on from Anthony. It still bothers me to see him, and I know his jealously will end. Since then, I started to like this other boy, Ethan.
He was always so nice to me, understood me, he was a musician, played the guitar, and sang too. He was the boy of my dreams. Oh I wanted him so bad. 

We flirted time to time, he knew I crushed on him. Then he dated this other girl, I was so devastated. I stayed close to him, but I wasn't trying to steal him away from her, I respected their relationship. After they broke up, I tried again.

Had my best friend James help, he'll ask for his opinion on me, always the same never changed, "She's cute." , Ethan would comment.

I tried to reveal my feelings that I liked him, once he tried reaching my hand in class. But nothing happen, then a month passes by, he was moving schools.

I hugged him on halloween afternoon. Never saw him again.

Weeks pass, and my own best friend, James revealed he liked me.

I started to like him too, and we started something new together.

I thought I would never be this happy, didn't know how long this was going to last. He was my first, and I was his. Things were perfect at least I thought. 

Highschool started, Freshmen year. Boys started to 'notice' me, complimented me on my appearance and body figure. I stayed faithful, rejected them all. However, James had a huge jealous streak. He grew possessive, like always girls just didn't like me or related to me. Only a few, but not  so much.

I made new guy friends, of course James wasn't keen about it. But I insisted him to meet them, he was alright about them, it was like a daughter introducing her boyfriend to her dad kinda of way.

I was still insecure about my appearance and weigh, sophomore year comes along. James started to tell me what to wear, he was upset about boys looking at me. I wasn't the revealing or too revealing type of girl nor were my clothes. I had to wear a long cardigan or sweater on the hottest of days. I couldn't wear shorts or skirts to school.

He limited me on friends, so most of my friends were his friends. We shared the same circle. As my circle of friends were pretty small. Everyone I talked to, he talked to too.

At this point, I didn't talk to guys at all for him, also I started to use laxatives and weight loss pills or herbs. The label will say only one pill a week, I took one every day. I started to exercise too, at our three year mark. I wasn't so in love with James.

He was, he told me about the future he planned on us to have, sadly I didn't see it with him, I couldn't picture the image he wanted. I just went along with it. He never done a thing to hurt me, thought there would be no other guy like him, so I stayed and tried to fix myself to love him still. 

Junior year to Senior year, I lost a ton of weight from 136lbs to 116lbs. Senior year, was the college application time, I applied to scholarships and schools. As a couple, James and I both got the free ride scholarship to our local community college for one year. My mind was still debating whether to end the relationship or not. We had different goals in life, I wasn't happy anymore. 

Through this program I stayed again, and then we compromised at the third month of college if we should stay together or not. It was wrong of me to make an excuse why we should break up, but if he knew that at our 3rd year I want to leave , it would hurt him.

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