Flaws

The falling

Jonny wasn't talking to me at all so I assumed, he just didn't want to give us being together a shot. So I was falling for Ethan now, an old crush.

We land our common ground on music, someone anyone could land on, but for the love of the rhythm, the lyrics, the meaning, is whole different thing. Ethan and I shared that.

I watched him practice his guitar skills, he drove me home, we talked dirty to eachother.

it was fine within those 3 days.

Then at 2 in the morning, I received a text from Jonny. 

We weren't dating, at all, I told him that he ignore me, it hurt me, all he could say was that, he had anger issues, he's sorry.

I told him it's too late, six days late to be exact. An hour goes back and forth, of me telling him no this isn't going to work, the relationship will be toxic.

He calls me, I answered his call.

He said, "Be my girlfriend Alesana.",
"I don't know Jonny honestly don't.", I answered back.

"I love you Alesana. Be my girlfriend.", he said in a sincere tone.

I honestly didn't know what to say, I still liked him, but then Ethan happen.

"I have the hots for you babe.", Jonny said to break the silence.

He always knew how to make my knees weak. "Let's be official, Alesana.", Jonny added.
"Let me think about it.", I told him. "I'll wait babygirl.", he tells me.

That morning I texted Ethan about it, he asked if I still liked him, and the sad part is I did. That day I chose Jonny over Ethan. I was still fixated with Jonny, that he needed me, I want to help him, I wanted to love him, save him from the bullshit he endured.

I know I hurt his feelings, I'm sorry Ethan, he respected my choice. Things changed alittle, Jonny texted me much more faster than before, we talked better, I snuck out another night to be with him.

Our night texts were nothing ,but pure tension

He wanted me, he needed me, I was good for him, too good.

He told me, he wanted to part of my future, have a kid or two maybe.

Told me all about how I would be a great mom, and that we'll make beautiful children. I never thought about kids, but I did consider it with him. That night, he wanted to have a kid. 

I told him I wouldn't do it not unless with protection. I'm not going to talk much about what we did, the secrets lie on the mattress.

As before he took me back home, kissed good-bye, and texted through the day.

it's only been two days of dating. The third day came, and things went weird.

He went back to responding back in 2-3 hours now, I asked him what's wrong through text.

He proceed to tell him that he received a text message from a random number. The number came from a family member of his ex, that this ex was suicidal. She attempted to kill herself, that she wasn't over Jonny, she loved him. 
Jonny then tells me, that their breakup was hard on both of them to move on.

That hit me, it was hard for him to move on ,but he's with me.

He wasn't over her, if that was the case. I didn't say anything at the moment, I allow him to finish first.

He wanted to go see her, my thoughts was that was a bad choice to do.

He felt like he needed too, I told him, "Okay, if that's what you want to do then, I'll support you.", He was happy that I was on his side. He then went, another day goes by, and he hasn't texted me, then he does in the afternoon. I asked how was it, he was broken, that he felt like it was his fault, I was trying to be there, to comfort him. But he ignores me, told me to leave him alone, that day was the first time I smoked weed, I was stressed cause of how distant he was.

Distant when he needed comfort the most. I was hurt, I brought up the ex thing, if he wasn't over her. He neglected the text I sent, hours and hours go, I was done, crying over for him. He didn't knowledge anything, I did, I said.

For once ever, I left the relationship without overthinking it, "I can't anymore, I'm done, I've been trying to be there for you, but you won't let me, For once I'm walking out.", I texted.

"Sorry Alesana, I'm so sorry that I didn't make the cut.", he replies

I told him if anything, we could be friends, he said maybe. Probably not going to be friends.

I told Ethan about it, he was understanding, I told him I felt bad that it seemed like I led him on. Those weren't my intentions, he said he understood, I told him I still like him, I know probably nothing will happen anymore cause of what happen.

He didn't like that, he was mad and I understood, but he gave it a thought.

He knew I was a very affectionate person, very clingy, too easily attached.

He said I was stupid, but he wouldn't mind being the guy I can be luvy duvy with.