Darling, You'll Be Okay

Chapter 2- I Still Think You're Beautiful

Vic's POV

I hung up the phone and let out a groan of frustration as Kellin's phone went to voicemail. It wasn't like him not to respond. Kellin and I used to talk every night, but lately our conversations have been less frequent and he's always seemed distracted. Ever since september I've noticed something was wrong. He seemed like he's disconnected, like he has something else on his mind. The confidence that he had when I first met him was gone, and he wouldn't go anywhere without his boyfriend. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. Things have been getting worse. After weeks of disconnected conversation I had finally gotten ahold of him, and convinced him to meet me for coffee. I checked my phone. I had a text from Frank, my boyfriend. I had fallen in love with Kellin ever since I met him, but he was dating Gerard, so I tried to let go of my feelings and move on. I started dating Frank, a short, tattooed man with a lip ring that looks more intimidating than he actually is. I tried to forget Kellin, telling myself that he could never love me back, and that I should just move on. But much as i tried, I couldn't. He was always in the back of my mind, the first person I thought of when I thought of love, and seeing him slowly deteriorating is killing me. I glanced at the clock on my phone. 11:46. I should probably get to sleep. I sigh and crawl under the covers, pulling off my shirt and my pants, and slowly drift away into sleep.

The next morning I wake up shivering and I realize the blanket is on the floor and I am lying sprawled out on the bed wearing nothing but my navy blue boxers. Groaning, I grab yesterday's jeans off the floor. I feel the denim scrape my thighs as I pull myself into them, sucking in my stomach to zip them shut. My toes curl around the hardwood floor as I will myself out of the safety of my bed. I just got back from my tour a few days ago and I haven't even unpacked yet. My clothes lay sprawled in a pile over the dark green suitcase. I grab a shirt from the pile and throw it on. Combing my fingers through my light brown hair, I glance at myself in the mirror. Good enough. It's just Kellin. Kellin. Realization sets in and I remember that I'm meeting Kellin today. Looking at the clock, I have just ten minutes to get to Kellin's house in time. I slip on my shoes, the canvas soft, worn from use and grab my keys. I know the route to Kellin's house so well I could drive there in my sleep. I see a red-haired man passed out in a pile of ripped trash bags in the alleyway and cringe. Kellin told me Gerard had relapsed back into drinking again a few months ago. I snap myself out of my thoughts as I reach Kellin's dark gray house. Still wary of his drunken boyfriend lying on the gravel road behind me, I jog up to his porch and tap my knuckles onto the mahogany door. I hear shuffling inside the house. The door opens to find me face to face with Kellin. But this was not the face I had fallen in love with. The vibrancy in his hazel eyes was gone, leaving them dull and lifeless; his black hair lay limp and dry on his shoulders; his face pale and the bags under his eyes made it look like he hadn't slept properly in weeks. He took a second to focus on me, and jumped when he recognised my face.

"Vic! I wasn't- I mean... um... hi! Um... come in!" He looked down at his clothes. His gray T- sleeved shirt was filthy, like it hadn't been washed in days. His jeans were too big and he only had one sock on. Embarrassed, he grabbed a sweater off the rack and wrapped it around himself. I laughed, and stepped inside. "Hey Kells. How are you?"

"Oh. I'm fine. Thanks." He attempted a smile, but I could see how forced it was. I raised an eyebrow. Kellin should know by now that he doesn't need to lie to me. I opened my mouth to question him but before the words came out I felt a stabbing pain in my foot. "Shit!" I yelled, and grabbed my foot to examine the damage. Lodged in my heel was a small shard of glass. I picked it out and took took a tissue from the box on the table next to me. Pressing it to the injury, I sat down on the scratchy felt couch. Kellin lingered a bit longer, then hesitantly sat next to me. He was a avoiding eye contact, picking at his nails nervously. I sighed. "Kellin I know something's up. You've been acting strangely for a while. What's wrong?" he didn't respond, still intently focused on his hands. "Kellin," I placed my hands on his and he looked up at me. "I'm fine, Vic," he muttered, yanking his hands away. He stood up, mumbling something about having to pee. I grabbed his arm. "Kell-" I was cut short by a sharp gasp of pain coming from Kellin. I looked down. His sleeve had ridden up exposing dozens of slices across his forearm. My hand was wet with fresh blood from where I had opened one of the cuts.

"Kellin..." I whispered. He sighed, looking at me for the first time that day.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice soft and vulnerable. "I'm really am, Vic. I just- I just didn't want to hurt you. I just... It's just so much and I..." a tear slid down his face and he bit his lip, looking up to stop more from spilling onto his cheeks. I wiped it off with my hand. "Shhh.... hey. Look and me." I guided his face so his eyes met mine. "You'll be okay. Things might be rough right now but I promise you they'll get better" I pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around him. He buried his face into my chest, and I held him there for what seemed like hours.

Eventually I pulled myself away, placing my hands on his shoulders. "Can I see?" I asked. Kellin looked hesitant, but nodded. Careful not to hurt him, I rolled up both of his sleeves. Red lines ran all the way up both arms to his elbows. One of the newer ones was still crusted with dried blood. Memories started to come back. Sitting in my bedroom, submersed in a thick black fog, rain pouring down hard on me, the beating pain leaving me unable to feel anything. Pressing blade to my wrist just to stop the agonizing feeling of numbness.

I let go of Kellin's arms and rolled up my sleeves. Raised white scars traced my arms, and I watched Kellin's eyes grow wide as he looked at them. He looked up at me in shock. I slid my sleeves back down and touched his beautifully scarred arms, running my thumb gently over them. "We'll make it through this," I promised. "I've been through this, and it gets better. You just need to wait it out. I love you. Never forget that." I kissed his forehead and he smiled softly. "I'm tired...." He whispered, eyes half closed. "Could you... could you stay here? I don't want to be alone when when I wake up." I nodded and squeezed his hand as I led Kellin, half-conscious, upstairs to his room. He crawled in bed and switched off the the lamp on the side table. I closed the door quietly and went downstairs, collapsing into the couch. I pushed up my sleeve and traced the scars on my arm, my finger running over the lines marking countless battles I lost.