Darling, You'll Be Okay

Chapter 6- Dead And Broken, My Back's Against The Wall

Kellin's POV

I sat on the wooden bench next to the park. I wasn't doing anything special; headphones in, hoodie up, trying to drown out my demons. I hadn't changed my clothes in at least three days; I was definitely starting to smell but I didn't care. It had been a week since Vic found out about Gerard abusing me. I can't get his face out of my mind.

Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as he pulled my shirt back to reveal the damage on my collarbone. Tears formed in his eyes when he saw the purple markings on my ribs. I did that to him. I was the one who hurt him like that. I deserved to hurt, not Vic. The thoughts and the memories were circling around in my head, becoming more and more distorted until they were an incomprehensible monster. Suddenly I heard my phone ring, snapping me out of my trance. Vic's name was on the screen. Shaking, I picked up my phone. "Hello?" I answered. Vic's voice chirped on the other side.

"Hey Kells. I have news."

My voice cracked as I told him to continue.

"I broke up with Frank."

"Oh? Really?"

Vic laughed. "Yeah. Kellin... look. I need to talk to you."

My heart was beating at a million miles an hour. He's gonna say that we can't be friends anymore. That I'm too messed up to be around him. I held my breath as he continued.

"I- fuck," He laughed under his breath embarrassed. "I love you, Kellin." My heart stopped. He didn't mean that. He's told me he loves me before. But he's always meant it platonically. Right?

"I love you too, Vic," I replied. He sighed, slightly frustrated.

"No Vic. I mean... I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you ever since we met, and I know there's Gerard but... I just needed to tell you. I've been holding it in for too long. It's killing me, Kellin, and I-"

I interrupted him. "Vic... I love you too." There was silence on the other end of the line. "Vic?" Shit. I probably scared him off.

"Wow," he laughed. "That wasn't what I was expecting." I blushed.

I had forgotten all about Gerard in the heat of the moment. I really did love Vic... but I couldn't leave Gerard. And if he ever found out about this...

"Vic, I love you. I really do. But I can't leave Gerard. He'd punish me-"

"- but Kellin..."

"Vic, I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you. At all. I can't leave Gerard. I just can't. You'll never understand. I'm sorry. He'd find me, and he'd hurt me, and he'd hurt you too, and I... I just can't. I'm really, really sorry Vic." I'm on the edge of tears once again. Why do I keep hurting the man I love?

"Kellin..."

"Vic, please."

He sighed, defeated. "Okay. Just... promise me you'll think about leaving him. And if you ever change your mind, please please please tell me."

I knew I wouldn't think about it. It went deeper than just my fear of what Gerard would do to me. If Gerard ever found out, he would hurt Vic, too. And I couldn't let that happen. But I told him that I would. I hated lying to Vic, but it was to keep him safe. I hung up the phone and sat there in silence for a few minutes, replaying our conversation in my head over and over again. I checked the time on my phone. 3:47. I should probably get home now. Gerard was expecting me back at four o'clock. I've already been late once. I can't risk being late again. I stand up, groaning, and start walking back home. The heat of the sun is agony in my black hoodie, but I need to cover up my scars and my bruises. I'm already enough of an attention whore.

When I reach step into my house, all the lights are off. Before I can find the lightswitch, I hear Gerard's voice sound throughout the house. "Hello, Kellin."

I peer into the darkness, trying to find where the voice is coming from, but to no avail. I feel hands grab my shoulders and hot breath on my neck. I feel hands unzip my hoodie and tug it off. Rough lips start kissing the bruise on my shoulder and I cry out in pain. I whip my head around in an attempt to see where Gerard is. The hands on my shoulders shove me forward, and I trip and fall, my hands barely catching me in time. I heard movement, and hands grab me, pulling me up. "I'm sorry baby. It was an accident." His voice was sickly sweet and my stomach churned in fear. He pulled my forward and led me into the darkness. I knew better than to struggle. I heard the door open and he shoved me so I fell backwards onto the bed. I scooted backwards until I was against the headboard. The lights switched on to reveal, and Gerard walked in from the bathroom, naked. My palms were sweating and I pulled my knees into my chest. He sat on the bed, placing his hands on either side of me on the headboard. He leaned in so his face was almost touching mine. I turned my head away, and he grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to look at him. My breath was trembling as he kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"I have a surprise for you, Kelly," he whispered sweetly. "I've had a very hard day at work today. Your little whore friend Vic made Frankie very sad, so and when Frankie's sad, I'm sad. So I'm gonna have a little fun with you." No. Gerard had never gone this far with me before. It has always been physical or emotional. Never... this. He grabbed the back of my head and I struggled as he pressed his lips against mine. I bit down on his tongue as hard as I could, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth. Fear washed over me as he recoiled back in pain. Gerard grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head with one hand. With his other hand he punched me in the gut, knocking the breath out of me. "Oh, you're gonna pay for that, my little-" He broke off to slap me hard across the face. "-Kellybear." His mouth widened into a smile. A tear dripped down my cheek.

"Please, Gerard. Don't."

He laughed, and leaned forward to lick the tear off of my cheek, slowly.

I struggled as he lifted off my shirt and pulled down my pants, leaving me completely exposed. "That's much better," he said, taking in my body with his eyes as I writhed around, helplessly. Tears were streaming down my face now as Gerard flicked off the lights, leaving me screaming and crying as he abused me, taking his sweet time, savoring every plea of mercy.

I don't know how long this lasted. Days? Months? Years? All I know is that he left me naked and sobbing on a blood soaked sheet. Gerard planted a soft kiss on my lips as he climbed off of me for the last time. He left the lights off as they left. The scent of fear lay heavy in the air, consuming my body and my thoughts as I slowly faded into unconsciousness.