Darling, You'll Be Okay

Chapter 4- As Lead Rains, Will Pass On Through Our Phantoms, Forever

Frank's POV

I glanced at the clock. Gerard should be here any minute. I stood up off the couch and paced around the soft shag rug. I tried to distract myself with a book but my mind kept going back to Gerard. My Chemical Romance has always been my purpose. Without music, I wouldn't even be alive. When the band broke up, it was like a piece of me had died. More than the music, MCR was my connection to Gerard. When I first met Gerard we instantly bonded. He was a beautifully damaged man who could see the beauty in darkness. I had known I was into guys for a while but nobody had made me feel like Gerard did. I watched in painful silence as he fell in love and had his heart broken countless times. When he started to relapse back into his depression, I put all my strength into helping him out of it, telling him that he is good enough and he does deserve love, just to watch him fall head over heels in love with my best friend, Andy. I had always been jealous of Andy. Incredibly gorgeous and talented, when he and Gerard started dating, I had convinced myself that I was below Gerard's standards. Brokenhearted, I told myself that I was worthless, and I let guys throw me around. Any self confidence I had left was gone, and I watched Gerard and Andy with a longing eye as they cuddled in close to each other and held hands as they walked down the street. I told myself that Gerard could never be this happy with me. I had started dating Vic, this short mexican boy with brown hair and soft skin, in order to fill the hole in my heart, but something was always missing. About eight months after they started dating, Andy showed up on my doorstep, his striking blue eyes glazed over with tears and his lip split down the middle. He told me that he needed a place to stay for the night. I had heard him sobbing in the bathroom as I prepared the couch for myself. With eyeliner smudged down his cheeks he told me what Gerard had done to him. He told me that he was going to leave him, and though I know it was wrong my chest filled with joy. Gerard called me up in tears the next day.

"Frank," he sobbed. "Frank, Andy broke up with me."

"Yeah, I know." More sobbing. My heart ached with each heaving gasp I heard over the phone, and I longed just to be there and hold him in my arms and reassure him that everything was going to be okay. "Andy told me what happened, Gerard. What you did to him." He was crying even harder now.

"Oh god. Frank. Please don't hate me. It's just... If I'm not controlling someone I feel like I'm not needed. I need to make them believe that they're mine, so they'll never leave. I just... I don't know. Don't hate me Frank. Please."

"Hey, It's okay. I don't hate you. It's okay sweetie. I'm here." I stayed quiet and listened as Gerard's sobs got slower and less intense until the line was silence, broken only by a few sniffles.

"Frank?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Could I- could I come over? Maybe stay the night? I just... I don't want to be alone right now." I knew what that meant. I knew I should say no. I had a boyfriend. Frank loved me. But this is the moment I had been waiting for for years and I didn't even hesitate to say yes.

Gerard hung up soon after, and the next few minutes were agony before he rung the doorbell.

I know I should feel guilty for what we did that night. But I don't.

Gerard and I spoke many times over the next week. I told him that I couldn't leave Frank. He loved me too much and it would kill him. He told me about Kellin, a guy he had started dating while he and Andy were still dating. We decided that we could see each other in private. I think a part of me knows it's wrong, but I can't help it. I love him too much to give this up.

I hear a knock on my door. Gerard is finally here. I open it and a grin automatically spreads across my face. I embrace him and press my lips against his, combing my hand through his messy scarlet hair. He grinned against my lips. "Hey, you," he whispered, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me back. I pulled away first and glanced at the clock on the stove. Vic will be back from Kellin's in about an hour, so we can take our time. I grab his hands and pull him towards the bedroom. He laughs, making my heart skip a beat. I fumble with the doorknob a bit as he grabs my waist and kisses me, harder this time. Finally, I nudge the door open with my body and kick it shut behind me. I break off the kiss to take Gerard's shirt off. The lights are off but I know every inch of his body by heart. I run my hands down his chest and we collapse onto the bed. I lose track of time as our bodies dance together, getting entangled in sweat and skin and heat. I'm only snapped out of my trance when I hear the bedroom door open.