Letters To My Love

Wednesday, 25th January 2017

4.03 PM

My day is okay. A little bit. It could be better. 

I got mad a few times... at my grandma. She was being rude and it kind of ticked me off but... you know how she is. 

I don't really want to rant about it. I guess I should explain to you but I don't even remember properly even when it happened just a few hours ago. 

I filled out my registration form for uni. I didn't get to go and put it because I woke up too late. But I plan to do it tomorrow, it's the due date anyhow. 

I talked to our friend. She's going to come with me so I can take the photo to go with my form. We're going at 8 PM tonight. She lives near a bookshop, yeah, that one. 

I've been decorating my books for uni since I woke up. I only got online to ask stuff about it from my friend who already goes there. I accidentally cut myself on the cutter. But I'm okay, it wasn't too deep.

My aunt made me eat a raspberry. It was horrible to be honest. She told me it was great and watched as I ate the sour thing in delight. 

I see you online whenever I go to reply to someone who messaged me–which isn't a lot of people, I think you know. And I'm tempted to talk to you but I can't. Not until this is over. I'm trying not to anyway. 

I keep wondering why you're online so much, who you're talking to, what you're doing–aren't you supposed to be at work???

But then, I don't know. I feel bad thinking about it. But I'm okay today. So far. 

I know this is probably going to hurt you a bit–it hurts me too–but I took down my wall a few nights ago. I know you asked me not to and I hoped that I wouldn't. I couldn't help it. I just want it out of my sight for a bit. 

I'm a bit sick right now. I mean, I always am but right now, it's physically showing. My head feels very empty, I don't even know if that's a thing. It's not exactly light headedness. I literally feel like my head is just empty. My chest feels very... out of place, on the inside. 

I miss you.

We're not the people who we used to be. A whole year together and we've changed too much. I'm just still wondering what is making us stay together.

I don't know if you're going to end things when this break ends or not. I hope you don't. Because I don't want things to end. I hope I don't change my mind by the end of this. 

I know I've really hurt you and I know apologising might make you feel good but it's just not enough now. 

So I hope that I somehow manage to make it up to you soon, and I hope you do the same for me.

I know you love me, and I love you too. But please try not to leave me. And I won't leave you.

I love you a lot

~Muffin.