Matthew Williams didn't normally mess up a mission.
But this time, as he watched the tiny yellow bird fly out the window, he knew he had screwed himself royally.
Now Matthew's stuck passing himself off as a human Gilbird, the beloved pet of the ob...
What do you call Ludwig when he forgets to wash his hands? GERMan Just kidding. Ludwig always washes his hands.
Matthew hadn't been to a mall before, at least not for pleasure. He knew this was a mission, but as long as he was pretending, he wanted to do his own thing. "Hold onto mein hand." Gilbert commanded. "I don't vant jou to get lost." "I'm a grown man." "Jour eyes are sparkling like a toddler's, Birdie." Gilbert smirked. "Shuttup." Gilbert rolled his eyes and took Matthew's hand anyway. "So, ve need to get jou a few casual outfits...just some sweaters und jeans und shit..." Gilbert listed. "Und jou need a set of pyjamas...oh und a tux." "Why a tux?" Matthew asked. He didn't think he had ever worn one. Alfred had. It was part of his first mission. He remembered seeing his brother all excited about how he was given such an important job right off. His brother only had a few minutes to show Matthew his suit before the agents were dragging him off. Matthew didn't see him for three days after that and during that time he was given the task of scrubbing the bathroom using dish soap and a toothbrush. "Vell...my ex boyfriend is marrying mein ex girlfriend in a few days und I still don't have a date for zhe vedding." "So you want me to come?" "If you vant to...If jou'd razher stay at home for a few hours, zhat's fine too." Staying at home for a few hours would be the perfect chance to look for those documents, but Matthew had never been to a wedding either. "Okay. I'll go." "Awesome! Let's get you fitted, then." Gilbert pulled Matthew into a suit store first. "Uhm...can you do me a favour and not tell your friends aboot the bird thing? They might think you're crazy or something." Matthew requested as Gilbert flipped through the jackets. "Ja. No problem." "Thanks." Matthew caught the jacket Gilbert threw into his arms followed by the collared shirt and pants. "Come over here so I can measure jour feet." Gilbert pulled him to the back of the store where all the shoes were. Matthew was dizzied by how fast this dude moved. Was he always like this when he shopped? He sat Matthew down on the little bench and gently took his left shoe off before using a device that looked like a clamp to measure it. When he looked at the size, he smirked suggestively. "What?" Matthew asked. "Nozhing." "No...seriously...tell me." "Jou have big feet." Gilbert winked. "Well...you have a big mouth!" Matthew pouted, taking offence. "Mattie...it's a good zhing. It means jou have a big-" "Gilbert?" The German was interrupted by a stranger who had walked up to them. Gil turned around and his face was taken over by the biggest of smiles. "Toni! How are ja, bro!" "I'm great! Are you going to Roderich and Elizaveta's wedding?" "Ja. I'm gonna eat all the entrees and ruin the fun for everybody." "I was going to do petty things too, but Lovi won't let me." "Because you're an adult, you damn bastard." Another male walked out from behind a rack of pants. "Looooooviiiiii." "Shut the fuck up." "He's mad because I won't buy him tacos on the way home." "I want a damn taco." "My Spanish ass isn't going anywhere near that Mexican restaurant. All their Español is wrong." Toni groaned. "Suck it up, Princess Glitter Ass." "That was one time." Lovi rolled his eyes. "Who's the shit eating twinkle butt over there." He eyed Matthew. "Oh! Zhis is mein vedding date. He's gonna help me vizh zhe shrimp bowl." "I don't really like shrimp..." Matthew had tried it in passing when he was put on a mission with Alfred. It's texture was weird and it felt like eating rubber. "He's cute. How did you meet him?" Toni gushed. Matthew lowered his gaze, embarrassed. "Uh...it's a long story." "Toni...did you just call another man cute while I'm pissed off at you?" Lovi lifted an eyebrow. "He's not as cute as you, baby." "Shut the fuck up. I'm too manly to be called cute." Lovi sounded...Italian maybe. "Sorry, babe." "Do you really intend to put him in that?" Lovi left his conversation with Toni behind in order to address the clothing in Matthew's arms. "Vhat's vrong vizh vhat I picked out?" "It's not very sleek. Come on, whatever the fuck your name is. I'll show you some real style." Yep. Definitely Italian. "I'm sorry." Matthew muttered to Gil, letting Lovi drag him back through the store, throwing new clothes in his arms before pushing him into the changing room. "Now put all that on and let me know if you need help with the tie." "Oh...alright." Matthew nodded. He changed into the clothing Lovi had given him, but he couldn't figure out the tie, so he let the brunet take care of that. "See, Gilfart. That's much better, isn't it?" Gilbert looked up from the shoe fight he was having with Toni and his jaw dropped at Matthew's appearance. The Canadian looked down at the floor shyly. He didn't like having so much attention directed toward him. "Gött...jou're beautiful." The German gasped. "Then my work here is done." Lovi brushed his hands together and grabbed Antonio's arm. "Now let's go get some damn tacos."
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look at this bitch assed bottle of eau (water) cursing me out in Norwegian
