Midnight*

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I am confused
And I am absolutely confident that I am confused.

I am confused on why all my shit is together but I feel like a complete mess. That even when things are going pretty good. That answer still feels like a lie burning out of my lips to smiple how do you do? That I rather say stressed, tired, or broken. I am confused in why that feels like the truth. Even when I don't have hours of homework or responsibility. I have friends and loved ones building walls of support beneath my toes. I have a house and clothes. But feel like I'm  dressed with sin and sheltered with a single mirror showing my ugly face.

I am confused. On why I believe that love is sinful when it wins but still long for a pretty girls kiss. I am confused. On what is me, the me that God created to change the world and what is the sin he is suppose to change in me. Is this a sin or my character? Am I changing for the better or losing my self? Is losing myself even that bad. I am confused because everything and everyone I thought good is growing a very very bad pain where my faith stays. I am confused on how am I suppose to love everyone without supporting there bad habits and self damnation.

I am confused on why I grew up in a healthy home and comfy bed while others that have twice my heart and triple my brain, live in rough of the rough and stil shed a one tear for three of mine. I am confused in why there are people with better lives, and better talent, better looks and better everything. A better cup of gifts and I am left thirsty. I am confused why I even care about that since I claim to be humble.  Wouldn't change my world for anothers. Wouldn't dare to be better. 

I am confused and it's dark. Confused, alone and dark. Its blackness tucks me in with sweet lullabies of sarrow. I am confused why I never fall alseep when it decides to sing. To sing these midnight thoughts in my ear so crystal clear. Very dark blurry midnight thoughts but torn into me bright and harsh and completely clear. Confused why daytime truth likes to take me to bed as midnight thoughts.



Inspiration: Faith, Life and randomness

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