8-17-16
how?
how can i even begin to explain
the amount of self worth i feel
how can i explain
that there is none
no worth
no love
certainly nothing steady
to base myself onhow can i explain
that i haven't had rest
in months
how can i explain
without breaking their hearts
that their love wasn't good enough
that their kind words went unheard
how can i explain i fight myselfevery day
every hourhow can i explain
that the reason i feel so vain
is because all theirs words staini try to wash them out
with prayer and faithbut how am i suppose
to believe a God
that saids i am worthyfor i believe thats a lie
i am bitter and rude
i hurt and run
i am weak
i worry tooso how do i begin
to explain.
explain that i don't mean it
explain that i wish i could just relax
explain this tiny monster in my head
explain that it controls me
replaying my weakest moments
drowning me in worries
how do i explain that every thought
stays in my throat
the letters clogging my mind
and blocking my air
how do i begin to explain
my tiny monster friend.it has me by these strings
strings that i tied
pulling me in dark corners
where all i can hear are the
what ifs
and
maybes
dark corners where i can't hear the
relaxs
And
I love you's
you are overreactingbut the tiny monster
Oh, doesn't blind me
let's me see
the annoyed looks
and impatient glances
just calm down
seriously.
it doesn't even matterhow do i explain
that i am running in sand
and thoses kind words
makes it quickhow do i explain that
i am not a victim
i do not need pitty
but acceptence
reasurencehow do i begin to explain
the agonizing guilt
the realization of my
tiny monster friend
That has built a home in my head
that in truth
i am a monster
i become one to stop the fight
how do i begin to explain
that i know i hurt
i beat
just to protect myself
from my tiny little monsterhow do i begin to explain
that i am sorry
that i think everyday
that i am not worth much
especially you
how do i begin
to explain i am sorry
And i hate myself too.Inspiration: anxiety
YOU ARE READING
One Chance Encounters With Some Words
PoésiePoems. About life. About chance. About pain. About me. And about every word in between *Completed* P.s These poems are of me as an angsty middle schooler. I do hope you enjoy them, but I also apologize about the mild cringe that could occur. P.p.s...