8-17-16
how?
how can i even begin to explain
the amount of self worth i feel
how can i explain
that there is none
no worth
no love
certainly nothing steady
to base myself on
how can i explain
that i haven't had rest
in months
how can i explain
without breaking their hearts
that their love wasn't good enough
that their kind words went unheard
how can i explain i fight myself
every day
every hour
how can i explain
that the reason i feel so vain
is because all theirs words stain
i try to wash them out
with prayer and faith
but how am i suppose
to believe a God
that saids i am worthy
for i believe thats a lie
i am bitter and rude
i hurt and run
i am weak
i worry too
so how do i begin
to explain.
explain that i don't mean it
explain that i wish i could just relax
explain this tiny monster in my head
explain that it controls me
replaying my weakest moments
drowning me in worries
how do i explain that every thought
stays in my throat
the letters clogging my mind
and blocking my air
how do i begin to explain
my tiny monster friend.
it has me by these strings
strings that i tied
pulling me in dark corners
where all i can hear are the
what ifs
and
maybes
dark corners where i can't hear the
relaxs
And
I love you's
you are overreacting
but the tiny monster
Oh, doesn't blind me
let's me see
the annoyed looks
and impatient glances
just calm down
seriously.
it doesn't even matter
how do i explain
that i am running in sand
and thoses kind words
makes it quick
how do i explain that
i am not a victim
i do not need pitty
but acceptence
reasurence
how do i begin to explain
the agonizing guilt
the realization of my
tiny monster friend
That has built a home in my head
that in truth
i am a monster
i become one to stop the fight
how do i begin to explain
that i know i hurt
i beat
just to protect myself
from my tiny little monster
how do i begin to explain
that i am sorry
that i think everyday
that i am not worth much
especially you
how do i begin
to explain i am sorry
And i hate myself too.
Inspiration: anxiety
YOU ARE READING
One Chance Encounters With Some Words
PoésiePoems. About life. About chance. About pain. About me. And about every word in between *Completed* P.s These poems are of me as an angsty middle schooler. I do hope you enjoy them, but I also apologize about the mild cringe that could occur. P.p.s...
