Mated to the Wizard

12 - Other Wolves

Everest's P.O.V

Julie bought Ben a stuffed dinosaur when he was two weeks old. You can always tell he's upset if he's carrying around with him. It's probably because it reminds him of his mama, even though he doesn't remember her anymore.

Currently, Ben is lying on his bed with his eyes closed, facing the ceiling and hugging the dinosaur to his chest. He called it Jules, which is weird, because it was my nickname for his mum, and he shouldn't remember that.

I stare at my son for a minute and lean against the doorframe. He looks like a depressed teenager. He shouldn't look like that, right? He should be happy. He used to be so happy when he was younger. Or maybe it's me, turning it into something it's not. The guilt is eating at me. He won't be happy when he's older. We'll be constantly on the run if he gets both a wolf and full wizard powers. After the age of sixteen, he'll never be happy again. And after the death of my mate, I probably won't be either.

We're never going to have the bond I want us to have. I'm always just going to be his protector, not his dad. And I'm always going to be her murderer, not her mate.

"Ben?" I call into the room, leaning against the doorframe. He snaps his head towards me and opens his eyes, immediately flinching. That knife of guilt just sunk a lot deeper into my chest. "Hey, hey, hey, Ben, don't be scared. Please. I just... I just lost it for a second, it won't happen again, I promise." I stumble over to him and sit down next to him on the bed. My son eyes me warily and I have to swallow to keep my tears intact. I'm a full grown man, I shouldn't be crying. But just the thought of losing Ben's respect and trust has me on edge.

"Why did you get mad, daddy?" he asks. His voice is laced with confusion and hurt. Of course nobody gets it. Especially a four year old; why would I ever think a four year old would get it? Why couldn't I have kept myself in check? I sigh and pull him to my side in a hug. He relaxes after a couple of seconds, and I do too.

"Gabe and I aren't friends at the moment." I tell him in a soft voice. How do you explain something like this to a kid without them getting the wrong idea? "But what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry. Nobody should ever act like that, and I apologise that I did."

"Just because you're not friends, doesn't mean you have to attack him!" Ben yells, although it's not really a yell. It's more of a disorientated scolding. "You nearly hurt Avery too! Her wolf saved her, though." Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Pride.

My wolf just loves the idea that Avery has a strong wolf; I can feel his emotions as strong as ever. In fact, whenever Avery does something cute, or funny, or annoying, my wolf is always happy. Whenever she's around it's like receiving a gift.

Why would you be happy that Avery managed to protect herself from us? Us? I speak loudly in my head, even though no one is actually there to hear me.

"I know. I'm sorry." I mutter, kissing the top of his head and trying to keep the tears in.

"How long is she staying for?" he asks, fiddling with a piece of thread hanging off the end of his shirt. "Is she living with us now? I really like her." he adds enthusiastically.

"She'll be leaving soon." I answer after a second, wary of how strained my voice is coming out. I want to tell him that 'no, in a week she won't be alive anymore. But, if you really like her that much, of course you can go to her funeral.' But I don't, because that's mean, and just my anger talking.

"Oh." Disappointment. I sigh.

"I'm taking you two out for lunch, okay? I'll come find you in a couple of hours. I have to go to see a friend first though, so play with your cars or something for a bit. Avery is around, ask her if you need anything." It was a spur of the moment decision, but I'm proud of myself for coming up with it. I need to earn back the trust I've lost, and spend some time with Ben and Avery.