Mated to the Wizard

Bloody Ash - 25

The stars have always helped me think. When I was younger, I always used to ask to do my homework under the stars in the winter, when it got dark really early. Father always said no because it was too cold and he wanted to keep an eye on me, but I still went and sat on the upstairs window ledge to do it anyway.

He used it as a punishment for a while as well. I guess he didn't understand why I would want to be outside anyway. He would give me a few punches to the face before pushing me outside and locking me in our small, fenced off garden. Maybe he knew I loved them – maybe he knew they helped me think. I would lie under that damn sky and push back tears while my cheek throbbed from his fist, reminding myself over and over that I deserved it.

Avery probably didn't know how much what she said earlier meant to me. It gave me a lot to think about, so naturally I came out here to run a few things over in my mind. It's eight in the evening on a Thursday night. Ben's inside asleep; has been since I collected him from the sitter, Sarah's, house (they were playing tag for hours, according to her). And I have numerous amounts of problems to think about right now.

First off, and probably not the most important, but Avery said I had to 'accept my wolf'. That wording has been running around in my brain all day. It seems easy enough; my wolf his half of me. Theoretically, I should've 'accepted' him at sixteen, but I obviously didn't. I think about this like it's a physical task, but it's not. How does one assent something they've dismissed for years? He's spoken to me a few times today. I've laid off the drink, haven't touched another being or any drugs all day, and I can feel it helping. I can now sense the anger, the emotion rolling off of him in waves.

The anger from planning the murder of our mate. Which leads nicely onto my second problem: today is Thursday. I'm meant to have Avery marked by Sunday. But then, there's the whole thing with the betrayal of Father.

It's harder to grasp than it would seem. Father has loved and helped me throughout my life. He puts Ben and I before himself on a daily basis, and that's the thing I don't understand. He out silver in every bottle he gave to me. Slowly poisoning me. What's the point of spending so much money on silver to contain my wolf, if he's going to kill him anyway? And why didn't he tell me first?

Can I trust him enough to go through with this?

Since I met Avery, it's been our intention to kill my wolf and save Ben long term, but now I find myself questioning his motives. Kill my wolf so I become full wizard and I can do a proper job of protecting Ben until he turns sixteen.

But if what Avery saw was accurate, then it will all be in vain. Then again, they're visions she saw from a bunch of oak trees, how is that accurate at all?

But it wasn't the oak trees that showed her, was it? my wolf says, startling me. Suddenly, there's a new voice in my head, speaking up whenever he has an opinion on my thoughts. It's hard to get used to.

It irritates me that he's right. Oak trees don't possess magical powers, so it must have been put there by someone, or something. Who would want to show Avery those visions? And why?

These thoughts are interrupted when I hear the creak of the back door as it opens. I snap my head in that direction and get ready to jump up into a fighting stance, but my face immediately softens when Ben walks out in his dragon pyjamas, sleep quickly fading from his body. I smile and hold out my arms for him. He sits in my lap and I take off my jacket, placing it over his shoulders instead.

"What's up?" I ask him softly. His hair is all ruffled up from sleeping, but his eyes are wider now. More awake. He ignores my question and looks at me confused.