cigarettes & a full moon

( 15 )

( 15 )

    "thanks, felix," i smile, and he nods, starting to chew his food. i hadn't had a home cooked meal in a while, and the fact that felix just dropped by here out of the blue to make me dinner? there was another reason, and i was really curious, but that didn't stop me from being appreciative.

    i didn't know much about felix, actually. i knew he and his parents had known mine for a while, but nothing else, really. i knew he use to be difficult, and that he'd run away with no explanation, but i never understood it. or him.

     "so, the cole boy," felix says. i take a sip of my drink, then sigh.

     "what about him?" i ask discreetly.

     "why are you hanging out with him? he's not gonna help you in any way, ever," felix tells me sternly. i would snap at him, but if i do that he would never explain his reasoning behind saying all of this.

      "it just kind of happened, we enjoy each others company, i guess," i shrug, and felix continues to stare at me as i take our plates to the sink.

      "i know what's going on, anya. you think you know who you are, and you want to act on it, so you decide to hang out with cole, someone who so dangerously knows who he is. i was just like you," felix replies, and i turn to look at him.

      i want to say he's wrong, but there's something telling me he knows what he's talking about. right now, i feel like i have to prove something to felix, i don't know what it is, but we've basically known each other forever. there's no reason to hold anything back.

      "i hang out with cole, because i like the way he acts, i like the things he says. i want to hang out with cole because i like him," i say, and then realization hits me. i like cole, and i knew it all along.

      "you know why i'm here, anya? i'm here to change that," felix mutters, begging me to hear him crystal clear, and i do.

       he's about to walk away from me, outside i assume, but i'm not letting that happen. he can't just say something like that and leave.

       "you can't change anything, felix," i whisper. he turns around quickly, face red with anger.

       "i was like this once, anya. this town, it does things to you, and it makes you lost in a place so small, but you don't have to be lost forever. right now you don't know who you are, and you can't deny that, but befriending someone like cole keeps you lost forever."