Collision Course

Chapter 18: Time to Mend

Showing weakness is hard for any person. It's hard to admit to someone that the invincibility that has previously been portrayed isn't all that it seems to be. Being weak is something that nobody ever wants to show whether it be because of pride, ego, or shame. It feels like the strength that has been built up for years can be brought down with one word, one phrase, or even one image. That's why villains always go for a weakness, because the hero is always so destroyed by it there's nothing they can do but surrender. That is why I hate showing my emotions.

If I was a hero, trapped to a table with a gun pointed at my head, the villain would destroy me by playing with my head, prodding at my emotions. Showing a breakdown to someone that thinks you're undefeatable is like a slap to the face. They thought that there was nothing that you couldn't do, but in the end you're still human and humans aren't invincible. No matter how hard we try to seem like nothing can stand in our way, there's always going to be a weakness.

At the end of the day, no matter who we are or what we look like, there's something that will bring us down eventually. Each person copes with theirs differently than the person next to them. Most commonly, we build walls to try and seclude people from even coming near the truth about us. There are always those fantasies that someone will come in and break your walls down then it's all fine after that. To me, that doesn't seem possible.

Fairytales are fantasies and reality is nowhere near that level of good outcomes. Reality sucks; it's not like the books where people get their happy endings because we have to make them instead of having them written out already. It sucks having to go through so much pain, put up so many barriers, and have to close off parts of your personality but in my opinion, it's worth it. Weakness will never go away, it's what you make do with it that counts. Unfortunately, my decisions aren't always the best.

It was only a few minutes that I left my head fall limp on Wendy's shoulder but eventually I had to pry myself away. After so long of having no shoulder to lean on it was difficult to fully surrender. How people ever managed to give up and let themselves fall into the calloused hands of reality will always be beyond my comprehension. It's like jumping off a cliff without looking or standing in the middle of a road, waiting for the cars to crash.

My neck felt stiff after being in such an awkward angle for so long; the bones popped when I moved and clicked with tension. A puffy feeling came over my eyes and air seemed to be restricted from coming in through my nose. Crying is a good release until the after effects hit and then it's another hassle to deal with. I could feel the lines down my cheeks of where the tears ran down my face. There was no doubt I looked like a pepper-sprayed mess right now.

Wendy sat in front of me with a look of sympathy on her face. There was water brimming in her eyes that only made me feel ten times worse than before. A splotch of darker tinted fabric covered her right shoulder where my head had previously been laying. Thankfully it was a navy blue shirt so the watermark wasn't as obvious to someone standing further away. The ever present feeling of guilt settled in my stomach after lurching so much beforehand.

A slight movement near the door was what reminded me that Wendy and I weren't alone. Ric was standing by the faded wood, looking rather conflicted and tried occupying himself with fiddling with his fingers. He seemed almost scared or frightened at something, and a strong pull in my gut said it was me. The silence that settled after my episode brought his head up to meet my eyes. It was a conflicted expression that covered his face, one I had a hard time deciphering.

Instead of keeping eye contact, the shame I felt at my breakdown forced my gaze to the paint stain on Wendy's jeans. My hands lay nimbly in my lap, barely touching the opposite fingertips putting up a wall between me and myself. A heavy silence, clear like glass but thick as steel, stuck itself to every fiber in the room. It seemed to drag out the unspoken thoughts in each of our minds, projecting them without speaking.