Collision Course

Chapter 20: Slow Motion

Almost a full week has passed since the night of the dance. A full week of knowing who lay behind the mask without telling him it was me. A full week of confusion, wondering about the thoughts that plagued my mind. To say the least, I was almost certain my mind had abandoned all sense of normal rationale. Yet I couldn't help but enjoy this sense of controlled chaos.

It felt almost relieving to know that there was still a chance that I could have some kind of normal life. Living everyday going through the same routine has left me with no feeling of excitement. Once I have completed something multiple times it becomes bland and just another routine, there's nothing to enjoy about it. Isn't that what life is about, enjoying the things you do while you live.

The world was not created with all these opportunities to do so many great things just to be stuck with restrictions that force us to have the same copy and paste personality. It's sad that we have to be limited on what we can do with our lives when we have no idea when it could come to an end. Someone could die tomorrow and never get to do the one thing they most desired because they were stuck behind a desk. Or someone could live their entire life doing exactly what they want but they're viewed as less than everyone else because they quit the system forced upon them.

That was why it felt so refreshing to be around Wes because it was new, something different. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air after being under water for so long, finally being able to see things clearly. My life used to have that exciting jump of rollercoaster drop, it used to be full of thrill with stomach clenching nerves. Now, it has been reduced to a constant metronome, waiting for the day that the tempo stops and the song ends.

Wes was a new tempo, a new song, a new beat that had my once steady pace thrashing around wildly. It wasn't necessarily that he was the one that made it seem so but it was what he had me doing that gave my life the thrill I had been so desperately looking for. My mind was tired of the boring routine that I had enforced, trying to bring some spark to this dying ember. And now, it seemed as though gas had been poured upon it, alighting it in such a blaze that would blind anyone that saw it.

And yet, this blazing flame that sparked my mind into a flourish of ideas-so insane that they could be classified as dangerous- streaming through my brain, waiting on the tips of my fingers to be completed. For what seemed to be the first time in forever, there were actual feelings filling every corner of my cramped mind. They gave me this rush, starting from my stomach and blossoming like a flower, stretching throughout every vein in my body. And even though they may have been emotions classified as negative, it was relieving to know that I harbored some capability for feeling.

And it all seemed to come back to the same person.

The one person who was currently missing. Throughout the first few periods I hadn't caught a glimpse of him anywhere, not even during our transition to lunch when he always walked me. No sign of the bronze haired, chocolate eyed boy who seemed to continue testing the keys to the locked door. How he managed to find the keys had failed to come to my mind.

Instead of questioning the location of the Jones boy, I walked through the lunchroom to our table alone, figuring that he had some other commitment and couldn't get to my locker on time. A small sting ran through my chest at the thought of being another pawn in a twisted game, but didn't let the disturbance appear on my outer features. Deep down inside me I knew that he was better than that, even if I hadn't thought so the first time I met him, I definitely did now.

Even if we haven't know each other for long, it felt as if I knew what kind of person he was. He was kind, compassionate, and caring for the people around him. Even though it was difficult to tell, there was a strong relationship with everyone he was close with, one that showed the willingness to do whatever it took to make sure everyone was alright. Yet he was reserved, sympathetic, and made sure to hide the real version of himself because he was afraid of rejection.