Crash and Burn

Chapter 17

"Oh my god," I said softly, hardly a whisper, but I still caught the attention of the couple making out against the lockers.

His face whipped around, and as soon as his eyes made contact with mine, he stepped away from the girl. I could feel my heart fall down and down to the pit of my stomach, and then explode into a million pieces, like a bomb.

"Abigail, I-" He stepped towards me, and I stepped back before spinning on my heel and running.

One less boy to trust, huh, Abby? One less beautiful boy to have, to want, to need.

I ran down the deserted hallway and pushed open the doors before flying down the steps, across the parking lot, and into my car.

I sat quietly for a minute, and then I could feel the sobs rising in my throat. As soon as the first one escaped, the others soon followed, making me a huge, bawling mess. I was sobbing like a complete baby, over a boy.

I crawled into the backseat and laid down, clutching my hands to my chest. My heart kept breaking and breaking, over and over and over, in a never-ending routine of pain and lonliness. Again and again and again.

My phone rang over and over, all with his ringtone. I chucked my phone in the front seat and covered my ears and sobbed louder to block out the noise.

The ringtone was his voice. What an utterly stupid, naïve, stupid, stupid stupid stupid, stupid thing it was.

It rang again, and I had stopped sobbing, so there were only silent tears.

Hey, Abigail! Pick up! I'm calling you! Abigaaail

I jumped up from the seat in a surge of adrenaline and grabbed my phone. I stared down at the contact picture before pressing the ANSWER option on the screen.

"Abigail!" He exclaimed. I flinched and bit my cheek to keep from crying again. I stayed silent and I heard him sigh deeply.

"Hey, listen, I know that looked really bad, but please just let me explain, okay? In person, I have to tell you in person. I'm so sorry, Abigail. Please don't be mad, Abigail, please. I'm so sorry, baby, please talk to me," his voice cracked and it made me want to cry and scream and die and I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid. I could tell he was about to cry, so I just ended the call and blocked his number so he wouldn't call me again. I crawled into the front seat and drove to the only place I wanted to go right now.

I drove an entire hour to get to the coast, and another hour along the coast to get out of the clouds. It was somewhat warmer here, so I left my jacket in the car and went outside in jeans and a t-shirt. I stepped outside and inhaled the salty ocean scent before walking down to the water and sitting in the dry sand.

Maybe there's a good explaination?

More like a really believable excuse from his sorry ass.

But maybe it's not what it looks like.

Honey, are you seeing things? He was kissing her.

"Hello?" A voice called out, interrupting my mental battle with myself. I looked around and saw a guy who looked to be about my age walking down the beach a few feet behind me. I looked away and quickly wiped away my tears, hoping to look more presentable.

"Hi," I croaked, and he frowned.

"You okay?" He asked, and I shrugged and bit down on my lip. Then, the sob broke through and I tried to pull it off like I was sighing.

"Wanna talk?" He asked, and I sat still and silent. I nodded and he sat beside me before taking a deep breath.

"There's this guy, and he's not my boyfriend or anything. But he kisses me, and tells me he likes me. I thought he might ask me soon, but today, I caught him kissing another girl," I explained, not wanting to go in details about how much I liked him, and wanted to be with him, and always be with him.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

"Rough," he said, and I tightened my mouth in a straight line and nodded once.

"I thought he might even love me," I whispered, and he just smiled.

"And why is that?" He asked. It wasn't rude, it sounded more curious as to what I thought love was.

"He kisses me nice, and treats me like his girl, and he's really sweet to me. I guess a boy will say anything to get a girl in his bed, huh?" I wondered aloud, and the boy sitting beside me chuckled.

"I guess so," he said bluntly, and I stared out at the water.

"Do you love anyone?" I asked, not caring how rude I sounded.

"It's complicated, I guess. We don't love each other the same way," he said quietly, and I nodded.

"Is it hard, getting over it?" I asked.

"I wouldn't know, I still love her," he answered. "And I wish every day she would still love me back."

"Maybe she still does," I said.

"I'll never find out," he said. I looked away from the water to look at him.

"Why not?" I asked, and he gave me the saddest smile I had ever seen.

"She's dead," he said, looking down at the sand. I looked down as well and watched his hands write the name Ava, smooth out the sand, and write it again, over and over.

"I better get going." He said after a silence. The name was wiped away one last time, and the way he did it made it look like he had just buried the girl, instead of the name deep, deep in the sand.

"Me too," I said, and he smiled sadly at me.

"I hope this boy of yours really loves you, 'cause it sounds like it's his loss," the boy said before walking back up the beach and away from me.

"Me too, 'cause I know I love him," I said quietly to myself before trudging back up the beach to my car, and driving home, where I couldn't possibly have expected what was on my front porch that evening.

***

"Abigail," he breathed out, standing abruptly when I stepped onto the stairs leading up to the door.

Stupid Abby, always lovin' the wrong boys.

I couldn't talk, couldn't look, couldn't think about him. It was all him. Everything was him; the sky, the air, the rain.

He was my entire world. The beautiful boy watching the trainwreck that is me.

I sprinted up the stairs, slammed the front door open, climbed the stairs and shut the door to the room closest, the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the shower before stripping off my clothes, one piece at a time. Soon, he was knocking softly at the door as I sat on the bathtub floor with the shower water spraying softly on my back.

"Abigail?" He said softly, and the lump in my throat started to wrech itself back to my mouth. I stayed quiet as my tears mixed with the spray until I heard footsteps down the stairs, and the water turned cold.

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