Mistakes.

《14》So...You Trust Me?

This includes mature subjects: Reader Discretion is advised

"What the hell do you mean depression pills?!" I shouted, my confusion coming off more as anger. Though, I guess I was somewhat angry. Angry that he would be this upset and never told, angry that he put himself at risk while everyone was still friends, angry that I'm the only one that knew.

He stood up and walked over to the corner of his room where his backpack was. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner but I mean it's not like we we're ever really that close." He explained as he started scrumaging through his backpack and I thought it over.

I guess I couldn't really blame him, after all he's right. We never really were that close. "Look, just in case you don't believe me." He walked over, the pill bottle in hand and passed it over to me.

I read the label and stared at it in confusion, none of this being something I understood. "What are Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors?" I asked trying my best to pronounce it correctly. "Like, what do they do?"

"Im not really sure what they do, chemically speaking." He began to explain as he say down on the edge of the bed. "Theyre medication for depression and anxiety. When you asked if I was ok, well I was starting to get super anxious. About the project, and Alex, and...well, Emma. I didn't have time to take them in the morning and I figured I would take them at school." He shrugged and I took a moment to process what I had just been told.

"You have depression? And anxiety? And it's severe depression isn't it? I mean that's what these are for aren't they? Severe depression?" I asked, suddenly becoming aware that Jax wasn't just a rich little boy toy with an awesome motorcycle like he's perceived to be at school. He's a teenager who has gone through much more than anyone i know could say and had has some serious shit to deal with.

He let our a loud sigh and ran his hands through his hair before answering. "Yes."

We sat in silence again before I thought of something that had never crossed my mind whenever I thought of Jax. I was always 100% sure he would never do this but now, that it seems more probable, it's better to ask than to assume.

Trigger Warning: Overdosing (vague)

"Jax, have you ever tried to ...you know?" I tried to explain myself and get by by sugar-coating and dancing around ny question but Jax was straight forward.

"Overdose?"

My head shot up. I was surprised at his bluntness, like he had been asked this millions of times. I nodded and let him continue.

"Yeah, twice, actually." He stated awkwardly, almost as if he was embarrassed.

"Why? I mean- how?" I knew I shouldn't have asked. Personal things like this are never good things to delve on but curiosity got the best of me, and it's not like he seemed to mind.

"Well the first time I OD'd was an accident. Me and one of my old mates were..you know. And I accidently took too many at a time. I went to the hospital and I mean everything turned out fine. I never really got in legal trouble but my dad sent me to a military school for about a year to 'Straighten me out." He recounted.

"What about the second time? Why'd you do it?"

Jax suddenly stiffened. "Hey, you wanna finish the game? I think we were about to beat the-"

"Jax." I looked him in the eyes, knowing that he was just trying to divert my attention away from our conversation.

"Yeah?" He sounded exasperated. Like he was silently praying i wouldn't care enough to continue.

"Have you ever tried to...hurt yourself? Like, on purpose?"

"Are you asking me if I've tried to commit suicide?" He defensively asked.

"Well...yeah, I guess."

He suddenly bolted up and started scratching his neck, something I've only recently started noticing he does when he's stressed or upset.

"Andi I think it's getting late." He desperately tried clawing his way out of answering the question. "You should probably go."

"Jax, I just want to-" i began before being abruptly cut off.

"Oh, let me guess. You just want to 'help' Look Andi i appreciate it, really. But im sick and tired of everybody looking at me like im some sort of lunatic." He stood in front of me, running a hand through his hair. "My dad and sister already try to tiptoe around me to make sure I don't suddenly erupt and get angry at them, as if I would hurt them and Emma sees me like a charity case. I really don't need to add to that. I'm good with the 'Help' I have, thanks."

"I was going to say be here for you." I said and he seemed to calm down.

"Sorry." He said as he say on the side of his bed, next to me.

I shrugged "It's fine." I looked around a bit and decided to go along with my question.
"Hey," I started and he turned to face me. "Do you trust me?"

I asked out genuine curiosity. Would he trust me after not talking for years? Or even after everything I've said about him.

"Well, I definitely trust you more than anyone else right now." He said, and for the first time in a while I felt like he was being 100% honest with me. "Besides Alex." He later added.

"So, about that other question...." I trailed off still curious but already knowing the answer.

It took a while of us sitting in silence before he spoke up.

"Yes." Was all he said, leaving me with a thousand new questions.

"When?"

"Andi, you can't tell anyone. I just got back on my meds and I think I'm finally getting better and-"

He looked so desperate. If you could've been there, you would do said the same thing.

"I wont. Say anything, I mean. Promise."

And as we all know. Andi Cruz has yet to break a promise.
 

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