The Time Before (Undertale)

46 ~ Sans Talks About his Problems (what kind of an undertale fic IS this?!)

Gaster kicked open the door to the house, Sans cradled in his arms. In the time it took to get from the worksite in Waterfall to home in Snowdin, Sans had more or less stopped trembling, but was still clinging tightly to Gaster.

Gaster walked over to the couch and set Sans down on it, and started to the kitchen, intent on making some of Sans' cure-all hot chocolate. Sans had caught hold of the sleeve of his lab coat, and was gripping it tightly.

Gaster stepped back over and set a hand on top of Sans' skull. "Sans, it's okay. I'm just going to the kitchen. You can let go."

Sans didn't let go, though. With a plaintive "no," he lurched forward to wrap his not-otherwise-occupied arm around Gaster.

Gaster sighed slowly, hugging Sans back, before settling down on the couch next to him. He clutched Sans tightly to his chest, rubbing his back.

"... Sans, tell me what's wrong."

Sans was quiet for a long while. Gaster let him take his time, just holding on to him until he was ready to talk. Eventually, "y-you--..."

"I...?" Gaster prompted gently.

"y-you died--"

Gaster frowned a little, the ridge of one brow rising slightly. "I was pretty certain I was alive, last I checked. Which, coincidentally, is right now."

Sans made a sound that was almost a laugh, so, despite his desire to ask for clarification, Gaster kept it up.

"I mean, I didn't even blow anything up this time!"

Sans cringed, burying his face against Gaster's chest.

"Not good?"

He mutely shook his head.

Gaster sighed. "Come on, Sans. Tell me what happened."

Very slowly, still clinging to Gaster, Sans looked up. "do-... do you-... do you remember... when... when i-..." Sans was trembling again.

Gaster hugged him tightly, waiting for him to continue.

After a minute, Sans did. "when-- when we were still--... still in the lab, an'... you were still-..."

Gaster blew out a slow breath. "Sans, if I did anything, anything at all like when-"

"n-no! you d-didn't!"

Gaster sighed again. There was that at least. "Well. Okay. If I ever do, though, just tell me, and I can..." Gaster trailed off. He wasn't exactly what he would do in such a situation, but he would do something.

Sans nodded. It seemed that Gaster's reassurance had helped him, and given him the courage to continue. He took a few breaths, then did so. "do you remember when you-... when you were going to-... to increase the dosage, and i begged you not to?"

"Yeah. That was right before you got away. I was going to go ask you how you knew, and then I got the fake call about someone falling into the CORE. when I go back, you were gone." Gaster didn't see what exactly this had to do with anything that had happened today, but he would be patient and let Sans get there.

Sans nodded slowly. "y-yeah... and-... i knew it would kill me-... because-... because it did."

Gaster blinked slowly, frowning. "I don't understand."

Sans took a shaky breath. "just... this-... it's gonna... you're not gonna believe me, but just... listen, okay?"

"Of course."

Sans took another breath. "the first... the first time, i went along with the injection like normal. jeff took pap, an' you 'n' i, we went on to do the injection. it-... at first it seemed normal, mostly. i-... i was scared about the increased dosage, and i got you to give me a sedative. but-- but then, halfway through, i-... i woke up anyway-- and--" he took a deep breath, leaning into Gaster. "and it hurt, it hurt so much more than-- and-- and i knew i was-... i felt my own soul break-... and it was just... black. i... i died. but i couldn't die, i knew i had to not die, because..." He looked up at Gaster. "because if i died, then that meant you would use papyrus for the dtw project, and i had promised him i would never let that happen."