Feels Like the First Time

Chapter Eight - Sushi and Ice cream

           

"You brought Haruhi?" I asked Mei. I stood in her living room with a tub of ice cream melting in my hands. Mei rolled her eyes and grabbed the tub from me.

"Of course I did. I told her what I saw and she begged to come tonight." Mei called from the kitchen.

"I didn't beg at all. You told me what you saw and then demanded that I be here tonight. You wouldn't even give me a reason." Haruhi shouted back, flashing me an apologetic smile. I patted her on the shoulder before sitting on the floor as Mei had ordered me to.

"Same thing," Mei mumbled as she sat next to Haruhi placing sushi and chopsticks on the coffee table between us. "So, what happened?"

I looked between the two and found Mei's expressive face far too eager and Haruhi's slightly curious.

"We kissed."

"You what?!" Mei screeched. "When? How?"

"Spin the bottle and then later. And then in the morning." I then paused for dramatic effect. "If you and Ritsu are having a baby shouldn't you know how to kiss?" This comment got me a pillow to the face but made Haruhi and myself laugh.

"Wait." Mei insisted with a thoughtful look. "You kissed him three times?"

"Well, technically he kissed me three times but yes." A cheeky smile was growing across my face. I had really missed these types of chats with girlfriends.

"I knew he'd kiss you when I dared him but I can't believe it." Mei mumbled as she picked up her chopsticks.

"You knew he'd kiss me?"

"Yeah," Mei said as if it were obvious. I just rolled my eyes at her lack of explanation and picked up a salmon nigiri.

"Tell us more, then." Mei demanded with her mouth full making Haruhi frown.

"Like what?"

"What was it like? He's always so quiet I can't really imagine him having the courage to do that sort of thing. That's why I did that dare and wanted to play the game."

"You'd be surprised," I mumbled remembering just how forward he had been. "It was ... good." I settled on and attempted to hide my grin behind more sushi.

"Just good?" This was Haruhi now. I was shocked that she'd asked but when I looked at her she looked genuine, as if she were hopeful that it wasn't "just good".

"Okay ... amazing." I gave her a shy smile at this as Mei giggled and bounced in her seat, reminding me of Tamaki. Haruhi looked pleased at my statement and nodded slightly.

"I knew it!" Mei declared with a sly look at Haruhi who had already gone back to eating. Mei's look, however, made me suspicious.

"Did you plan this?" I asked Mei carefully. She looked at me her eyes slightly wide in feigned innocence. I let out a slightly aggravated breath and shook my head at her. "Mei, just what were you trying to achieve?"

"Nothing." She said, her hazel eyes growing even wider but a slight grin was forming on her mouth.

"Mei," I cautioned.

"Okay. Takashi should be in a relationship and so should you." Mei explained, although I felt there was more to it than that, her statement made me rather angry.

"It's not your place to decide that for either of us, Mei. Who else have you dragged into this little scheme of yours?" Mei's eyes registered a flash of her own anger at my patronising tone.

"I was just trying to help!" She growled, her temper was always so short. For some reason I was very hurt by her plan but I decided to bite my tongue and carry on eating.

"Shouldn't you be thanking me?" Mei mumbled after a moment of my silence. I looked up at her pouting face and couldn't stop my reaction. I threw my chopsticks down and stormed back to my flat. It was only when I'd sat on my sofa after a few minutes of pacing and grumbling to myself that I realised I was crying. Why do I always cry when I'm angry, I demanded of myself as I angrily wiped my tears away.

"Why am I even angry?" I whispered to myself, searching through my thoughts to find anything that stuck out. After a moment or two of silence I decided that I wasn't angry at Mei really, well, at least not for her wanting to get Takashi and I together. So why was I so upset?

I'm scared, a small voice said in the back of my mind. I let out the breath I hadn't realised I was holding and nodded to myself. I was scared of the idea of a relationship. I'd been scared when Nick and I had got together, I'd been hurt by people that I had given my love to too many times that it was hard to give that power to someone. I did, though, I reminded myself. I'd given my love to Nick, I'd given him everything and, although it hurt, I wasn't broken like I was before. He'd helped me to heal and I had had to let it happen. This was the same. Besides, it probably won't even turn into anything, I insisted to myself as I made my way to the bathroom to clean up my face. The thought sent a thrill through me, but I'd like to see where it will go.

I sighed before making my way back to Mei's flat, knocking on her door gently. Haruhi opened the door with a flustered expression that changed to shock when she saw it was me.

"I need to apologise." I said by way of explanation.

"No, you don't. It wasn't fair of Mei to say that. I'd have been angry too." Haruhi said as she let me into the room. I gave her a grateful smile but heard a sniffle from the living room so made my way towards the sound. I saw Mei pouting in a corner, a few tear streaks in her makeup.

"Mei, I'm sorry I ran out. I'm not really angry at you for doing what you did. I realised I was scared." All of this fell out of my mouth as I prayed she wouldn't yell at me again. She turned to look at me with watery eyes.

"Why are you sorry? I'm sorry!" She hiccupped, her voice shaky. I smiled at her and knelt down beside her, wrapping my arms around her. After a moment we got back to our feet.

"Why were you scared?" Haruhi asked me. She clearly had been thinking about what I'd just said. Mei looked at me with concern when Haruhi said this. I bit my lip, trying to find the right way to phrase it.

"I don't think I'd thought about being in a relationship again. I think when you said that I should be in one it scared me because I wasn't sure if I was ready for another. I think it just really surprised me and I needed to think. I'm sorry." I explained slowly, my eyes glancing between Mei and Haruhi to see if they understood. They both nodded and smiled at me when I finished what I had to say.

We spent the next few hours discussing boys, life and, of course, Mei's wedding while eating sushi and ice cream. I left with Haruhi, waving goodbye as I entered my flat. I sat on the sofa again, picking up my laptop and frowning. A thought had been niggling at the back of my mind and I felt that I knew what I had to do.

Hi Nick,

Hope you're alright.

It's been a while.

Would love to catch up.

Hannah x