Feels Like the First Time

Chapter Eleven - The Reply

Nearly a month had gone by since the dinner with Honey and Reiko; Takashi and I had agreed to not tell the others about our training on Sundays and so they'd gone by rather smoothly, however, after two sessions, things were starting to become clearer for me where Takashi was concerned so I'd arranged to meet Nanako at a coffee shop.

"I was so glad you wanted to meet," Nanako started as soon as she sat down, fifteen minutes late. "I'm really stressing out about this evaluation especially because now we have to do another performance. I don't know how I'm going to fit everything in. I'll get a coffee, do you want anything?" She finally stopped and I smiled at her shaking my head. She quickly made her way to the counter as I continued to sip at my hot chocolate that was still warm. I was used to Nanako's ramblings by this point and I took them with a pinch of salt. When she returned I decided it would be best for both of us if I started with what I really wanted to talk about.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something not University related," I started, watching her carefully to see if I'd made the right decision. When I'd decided I had, I continued, "There's a guy ..." Nanako gasped, her mouth full of coffee and clapped her hands together gleefully, making me smile.

"Who? How did you meet? Are you together? Do you want to be? Is he cute?" Nanako's questions were like bullets and I blinked a few times, struggling to keep up with her rapid Japanese. I took a slow sip of my drink to build the tension I could already see Nanako was straining against.

"His name's Takashi," Nanako sighed happily at this and I rolled my eyes knowing I would be doing exactly the same thing. "We met through a friend. We are definitely not together and I think I want us to be. I wouldn't say he was cute," I paused as I thought about a way to describe him in Japanese and in the end just settled on the English, knowing she would understand. "He's sexy. A man. You know?" Nanako nodded eagerly, biting her lip.

"Have you confessed?" She asked breathlessly.

"No, I'm not twelve."

"You should confess!" She argued grabbing onto my arm.

"Why? What do you even mean by that?"

"Well, you should tell him that you want to be his girlfriend."

"I didn't say that."

"You said you wanted you to be together."

"Ah," I paused biting my lip. "I think we have different ideas of together." I informed her and she looked confused for a moment before she grasped my meaning.

"You don't want a relationship with him?" She asked looking a little hurt.

"I don't know. I don't know him well enough to say whether I do or not yet."

"Oh, okay. Well that's good then. Would you date him at least?"

"Definitely, that's what I'm trying to work out how to do. We're not really that friendly so I don't have to worry about it getting awkward, I guess." As I said this a small part of me twisted with nerves and sadness.

"Maybe you should ask him out on a date then?" Nanako said, shrugging as if the matter were solved now.

"But," I started then froze as I realised why I had needed to talk this through with someone, I was worried about his reaction and needed a friend to help make my decision. I looked back at Nanako, however, and realised that she was apparently not the friend to help in this situation. "Thank you, Nanako. So what's the problem with the evaluation?"

As Nanako ranted about her problem I swallowed my loneliness with hot chocolate and tried my hardest to listen and advise her as best I could. After an hour of talking with her and another drink I began to realise that my attempts to listen were futile. I interrupted her, faking illness, and left to go back to my flat.

It was silent and cold when I walked in, echoing my mind, and I quickly changed into a comfy set of pyjamas. Yanking the duvet off my bed, I shuffled to the sofa and got comfy as I scanned through Netflix on my laptop to find a film that would distract me for a little while. I decided on a rom-com I had seen at least ten times and allowed the familiarity to warm me but it did nothing to distract me. I knew why I was so down, this feeling of isolation was something I was all too familiar with in my life but I had fooled myself into thinking that Nanako was someone who cared about me and actually wanted to listen to what I had to say. I was angry at myself really for letting her in enough to hurt me.

As if it were angry at my lack of attention, my laptop made an odd bing sound. When I looked at it I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary but the sound seemed somewhat familiar to me, although I couldn't place it. I sat up and picked it up off the coffee table, pausing the film and minimising the window. I saw an orange flash at the bottom of my desktop screen and clicked to find a message.

Hi

Was all it said and as I looked to the name, the same bing sounded and I looked back to the message.

It's been hard.

It was Nick. My breath caught at the fact that he was actually getting back in touch with me. I had forgot that I'd even sent the message.

I know

I replied biting on my thumb nail.

I don't think you do.

He responded making me frown with a flash of anger.

You broke up with me.

I responded, my hands beginning to shake.

Nick: I know, but you moved to Japan!

Hannah: Because you broke up with me!

Nick: Who moves to the other side of the world because of that?!

Hannah: Me, apparently.

The conversation stopped for a moment.

Nick: Good point.

And like that, I knew things would be okay between us at some point. That was the end of the conversation for that night but, as he always had been able to, Nick had managed to pick me up from my low and make me feel important and loved.