Birgitta the Nun

Part 13 - The Dentist

But the abbess was in no mood for a party. Her whole jaw was aching and she didn't know what was the matter. She was speaking like something retrograde, losing her peace every minute, and ruining her ability to work. There was no postponing it - she had to see a dentist. She went to her office and slammed the door, wanting to be alone as she awaited professional help. A dark cloud settled about the monastery - or she imagined. It was all about her now.

The dentist arrived only minutes later, already prepared, as it were, sensing someone in pain. She made her way through the monastery and found the holy office without hesitating, as though the ache of the abbess had left a painful trail. Her nursing bag was stuffed and fully equipped, ready to assist on any battlefield.

"Well—well, what have we here?" she said with a cheer, as the sorry sight of the abbess hit her. She threw her bag open on the floor and shook the patient's hand, "You look like you're about to abdicate."

The abbess sprawled on a small sofa and looked like someone having fainted, knocking their head in the fall. She didn't offer a reply but pointed to her jaw, rolling her eyes in pain.

"Oh—I see," the dentist said and raised a firm index-finger. "You cannot speak. Perfect! I know exactly what to do. You did good to send for me."

This alarmed the patient. She made an attempt as if to get up, but the dentist pushed her back down, deep into the sofa.

"You don't want to prolong the dire matter, do you?" The dentist shook her head. Then, waving her index-finger, "The bill is ticking."

The abbess hesitated. The dentist took it as a 'yes' and pried open the stiff jaws of the abbess. And so, a doubtful examination of the abbess' bridgework was begun.

"Oh my—I knew it," the dentist exclaimed. "What is this now? Tell me—what is this?" But she didn't wait for an answer. With some some heavy tools brought out from her bag, she set to work immediately, stabbing the nun's jaw, drilling a tooth, and disfiguring her gum.

The knocked-down abbess let out a groan, trying to explain that she was not a peasant but an abbess, that a rough treatment was not in its right place. But the dentist didn't understand a word. She gave the abbess the same rough treatment she gave everyone, regardless of rank and title.

"If you pull one of my beautiful teeth - if only just one! - I'm going to punch you," the abbess slurred in her agony. But no one was listening.

However, soon the beating was over. A rough treatment turned out to also be an effective one, and the dentist took a step back to admired her work. No teeth had been lost, although some of them were now wearing crowns.

"This will heal your infection," the dentist explained as pulled out a giant syringe. She took aim and went for the abbess' arm.

"You want my arm now, do you?" the abbess yelped and tried to flee. "Is it not enough that you have punctured my gum?"

"Stay still," the dentist ordered, and again pushed the abbess back into the sofa.

The needle went through the abbess' skin at the bend of her arm, and transported to her vein a potion. Then it was pulled out. A thin stream of blood spurt from the petite wound and landed on the floor. The dentist hurried to the situation and slapped a bandaid on the needle prick, apologizing terribly. The abbess also slapped her arm, trying to fend off the blood, while also trying to convince her doctor that she was alright. The dentist slapped the hand of the abbess, telling her not to touch. A third hand was brought into the game and so there was a lot of slapping. Mostly, it was their hands hitting each-other, but in between the injured arm got its fair share. It looked like they were hunting a mosquito. However, on seeing that the bandaid was actually working, they both stopped their flapping.

The abbess tore free from the sofa. She massaged her sore jaw, and inspected the bandage on her arm.

"So—I guess I won't be recommending you," she slurred.

"Well, that's alright," the dentist replied. "I want my patients to fear me. I want them to have nightmares about meeting me."

"Your reputation precedes you."

"Thank you." The dentist smiled and showed her beautiful teeth. "But you invited me anyway, didn't you?"

"Yes I did," the abbess admitted, not smiling.

The dentist packed her bag and made ready to leave. Her tools were covered in spit and blood, but she didn't seem to mind. In the doorway she stopped and turned to say, "Don't expect to feel well in a couple of days. Your jaw will be swollen but your gum will heal, slowly." Then she left the abbess and the monastery in the same abrupt fashion she had arrived: scurrying, like a ferret just having claimed a hen.