Birgitta the Nun

Part 49 - The Cape II

"So this was my plan: the despicable woman and her obnoxious family were almost always out on Saturday evenings, probably dining in some fancy restaurant, and attending the theatre. They didn't have any objects lying around worth stealing, but they did have a lot of transactions going on. I figured, if I were clever enough, I would be able interfere with one of those transactions, and skim off some capital my way. It was a clever idea—I would have to try anyway. Perhaps some servants of hers would interfere - perhaps to do some stealing of their own? - but I would have to try. This despicable woman has the ability to sort things out in her mind, hold the threads up, and spin thoughts like yarn. That's what's made her rich I guess. But if she's clever or just very logical, that one I haven't figured out yet—

"So I put on my cape of invisibility and went to the despicable woman's house. I felt really awkward and my steps were anything but light. I knew people weren't looking - they couldn't see me - but I felt they were turning and inspecting me as I passed them by. Then a couple was coming my way, walking straight towards me - in my path. I didn't know what to do—should I dodge? They wouldn't dodge - they didn't know I was there. And they couldn't see me. But I was sick of dodging. I thought, maybe I should just bump into them, and give them a scare, give them something to talk about? But no—if there's anything I dislike more than dodging it's bumping—

"And so then my shoes were wet. I had to jump down into the ditch to avoid collision - and they did look my way. Maybe they heard my moaning, and the spatter from my shoes hitting the ditch-water? It's really hard work being invisible, I tell you—one has to be very considerate, even more considerate than when not invisible."

"Even so," Birgitta interrupted, "how did you get into her house? Invisibility doesn't make you permeable, does it?"

"Sadly no—but I had a key," the wizard triumphed. "I didn't return it after my woodchopping career, and now it turned out useful. Of course—I had also got a key to my mother's house, and maybe I should have robbed her instead? But no—not this time. I figured, maybe I would inherit something one day, who knew? Silly me.

"However, on approaching the despicable woman's house, I started hesitating. I thought about my situation and what to do about it. Was this my new career? Was I to keep robbing people forever? It wouldn't give me any safety or stability, economically, to occupy this habit. Was I to get a job - a regular job? But I didn't want to chop any more wood, if it wasn't my own wood—and, as it would be, I couldn't afford my own services.

"You see, Birgitta—" the wizard let out her hands as she explained, "imagine growing old, and still being a simple burglar. What agony. Old people do steal, I've heard about it, but mostly it's cough drops and saffron from the local supermarket. And I don't want to steal cough drops and saffron—I want to pay for it with my own money."

"With your own STOLEN money?" Birgitta offered.

"I know," the wizard replied with distress. "What a mess I was in—how could I make a career out of stealing? Who would know about it, and what ladder could I climb? I wasn't clever or brave enough to score big, I knew that. To rob a bank and be the thief of the year - and be read about in the newspapers - was beyond me.

"I know what you're thinking Birgitta: what about the treasure of the monastery? Why did I go after it, and am I still a simple thief? But no—that's different. To start with, there was a map, which meant the treasure was supposed to be found. Secondly, no one knew about the treasure, which meant I wouldn't be depriving anyone if claiming it."

"That's very logical," Birgitta snorted. "You really did think things through before going ahead." But she hadn't been thinking about the hidden map, not at all—indeed, she had almost forgot about the matter. And now she was curious. She decided to leave the old map for the cape, "But did you succeed with the despicable woman? How does a cape of invisibility work anyway?"