Into the War || A Captain America Love Story

33

STEVE

Nightmare after nightmare, I stay awake in the dark, listening to Tori snore. I begin to envy her, but I can't help but think that this is how she has felt all these years. It's been weeks since her little incident, yet I'm still panicking. I've forced myself to allow her to more freedoms, which breaks every known code in my brain. Protect her, make sure that she's okay, make her okay, let her be free, let her be herself, watch her be human. Even after telling myself that I'm fulfilling all of these things, I still cannot get a grip and cease the night terrors from haunting me. Like they're going to ever go away.

I glance at the clock — 4:50am. Tonight has been a rough one. Sleep, shoot up from the bed in a cold sweat, repeat. I do all of this as silently as possible, trying my best not to wake Tori. However, she's had a tough day too, so waking her isn't an easy task. I run my fingers through my hair, taking a deep and long breath. I gaze at her sleeping form. Her chest rises and falls in a steady beat and I can feel the heat radiating off her, so all is good.

All day she wouldn't stop reminding me about the wedding countdown, which is now at three months to be exact. I can't blame her for being excited and wanting to be prepared, but just the constant reminder gives me anxiety. In three months, I'm going to be a married man. In three months, I'm going to officially be with the love of my life. In three months, we'll all be a target for any HYDRA-related drama. I don't want to risk anything, so I'm thinking about sneaking a gun in my suit somewhere.

I toss and turn in the bed, causing Tori to stir a little bit. I clench my jaw, cursing at myself for disturbing her. She won't admit it nor will she ever tell me, but she's having a bit of a rough time too. I've caught her while she's in the middle of a nightmare, jumping at the slightest sounds, et cetera. Last week I woke up from another nightmare and I heard her in the bathroom, gulping down water. It wouldn't have provoked me as much if I didn't see the steam coming from the faucet. That's what I did to help her when ice was consuming her insides, so I've only been given the choice to assume that it's happening again. I didn't think that it would happen again until now.

I close my eyes, trying to sleep, when I feel Tori begin to shiver. Before I can wake her and try to help, she springs up from the bed and sprints into the bathroom. I groggily sit up in bed, squinting at the sudden bright light. She cups steaming water in her hand and brings it to her lips. I can hear her teeth chattering. I bring myself out of bed, stomping towards the open bathroom door and rubbing my eyes.

"I'm okay," Tori says, gripping the edge of the counter with white knuckles. I watch a cool and visible breath escape her lips. "I'm good."

I bring my hand up to touch her shoulder, but she winces in pain before I can do so, bowing her head and squinting her eyes.

"Please, let me help," I beg, my voice cracking. I set my hand gingerly on her arm. "Please."

"There's nothing you can do, honey," she whispers. "I wish that there was, but there's nothing."

I scoop her up in my arms, taking her back to bed. She allows me to envelop her in multiple blankets, a scowl on her face. I quickly scurry into the kitchen, filling a cup with warm and steaming water, and bringing it back to her. She gratefully takes it, taking a short swig. She shudders, leaning back onto the bed.

A shimmering glint shines from the sheets. I press my fingers against its cool surface — ice. "Did you do this in your sleep?" I ask her.

Tori sighs, examining it closely. "Yeah, I think so."

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose as I sit on the edge of the bed. "We're gonna have to figure something out, you know. To stop this from hurting you."

"That's not ever going to happen," she mumbles. "Unless there's a way to extract the serum from my bloodstream, we're out of luck."

"I think it's all mental," I chime, the bright idea springing out of my thoughts and into words. "If you can control your mind from using too much while you're asleep, maybe that'll work."

"Like I'm going to have to go to therapy?"

"Sort of, I guess," I shrug. "It's just an idea though."

Tori sighs, pressing her palm to her forehead. "Anything at this point."

•••

"So, you're having a bit of a dilemma?" Tony asks as he paces the floor in our living room.

"Yes," I confirm, glancing up at him. I shift uncomfortably on the sofa, analyzing his every move. He twiddles with everything within his reach, whether it's a pen or a coaster. I try to dismiss the judgmental thoughts in my mind, but I can't help but keep a few. He's acting like he owns the place, maybe he's nervous about the situation, but god only knows what he's thinking. All I know is that I'm scared out of my wits.

"Well then," he says, fumbling with a book in his hands. "I suppose that Tori's mental state will have to be altered to stop the ice during her sleep. Anyways, what triggered it in the first place?"

Tori crosses her legs next to me, holding her tea close. "A-A dream," she stutters. "It was self defense. I didn't think that I would be doing it in real life too."

"So you were lucid?" Tony questions her, leaning closer in curiosity.

"Well, uh, I guess. I always know I'm dreaming, but I don't usually interfere with it in any bad ways."

"Well you need to make that second nature, kiddo. It's crucial for your wellbeing at this point."

"Yeah, yeah, I get that," she rambles, taking a sip of her tea. "But why is it getting bad now? The powers have never done anything like this before the incident in Paris. Why and how was the pain triggered?"

Tony sighs, shrugging. "I honestly don't know, but what matters is that you keep it in control. Don't let it get out of hand."

"So I pretty much have to act like I am learning how to use my powers again?"

"Exactly."

"Oh, great."

I play with my thumbs, just tuning into their conversation. They continue to talk and talk, but nothing interesting is mentioned. I've just kind of stared blankly into the distance for a while, so I'm kind of lost to what to do now.

"Hey, Capsicle, wanna join the conversation?" Tony asks after a while.

"Yes, yes I would," I reply, leaning forward to listen closely.

"Good," he says. "What is your say on the matter?"

"I agree with everything you've said," I state. "I'm willing to do anything to get this all to stop."

Tony nods, blabbing on some more. I rest my chin on my hand, closing my eyes and trying to drain him out. He's been talking for hours now, repeating the same things over and over again while building off them by analyzing them in depth. I'm just bored out of my mind, and it seems like Tori is too. She's just pretending to listen, smiling and nodding, but she's probably stabbing him in her mind.

"Tony, we get it," she eventually spits. "Please stop."

He bites his tongue in response, nodding. "Yeah, okay. I guess I'm getting a little carried away."

"Yeah, a little," I retort sarcastically, rubbing my eyes.

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. "Okay, I get it. I'll shut up now."

"So I just need to learn to control it again?" Tori asks him to confirm.

"Yeah. At least that's the best idea that I've got."

"Okay, then," she says. "I will."