To Be With You | hoshi

xxxii

I wake up at home, 11:06 AM on the clock. It's so late into the Saturday morning, my body feels so heavy. I go downstairs to take a meal for two. I look at the office before taking my food to my room. The lights are on. Soonyoung must be in there. 

It's always been like this for the past few days. I'm at home, he's busy working. I'm outside, he's busy working. On school days, he takes half-days to do work. Like, what does dad even want him to work at?

As much as I know he annoys me, I miss his sudden disturbances. It's been a boring life since then.

I barged in the office out of boredom. He noticed my entrance but isn't fazed by it. He continues to look at the computer. I ate my food in there while watching him. I glared at him as if I was piercing a hole through him. 

"Ah, mwoya?", Soonyoung said.

"What?"

"What do you want from me?", he asked.

"Nothing.", I answered. I stabbed my bowl of rice. "Nothing at all."

"Then, can you leave?"

"No."

He cleared his throat. "Why not?"

"I don't want to."

"And if I kick you out?"

"Try me."

He sighed and gave me a look. He shook his head and went back to the computer. I walked over, just to take a peek at it. What I saw outraged me.

"WHAT THE HELL?!", I shouted at him. "YOU'RE JUST PLAYING MINESWEEPER!"

He looks flustered. "WHAT CAN I DO? I'M BORED."

"JESUS CHRIST! If you were watching those... euhhh... I would've understood that."

"Why would I watch those... eeckk... in dad's office computer? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No! Just... seriously? Minesweeper?"

He shrugged. "It's fun."

"I thought you were working."

"I am! I'm just, you know, taking a break..."

"Uhuh...?"

"Yeah! Now, can you get out?"

"Shireo!"

"Ah, wae??"

"I just don't want to."

He glared before smirking at me. "Heh, you miss me, don't you?"

I turned away from him when I felt my cheeks heating up. "Uh... no. I don't."

He laughed at me. "Seriously, you... You actually do!"

"Shut up! I said I don't!"

"Eh~ I cant believe you if your face is like that."

"How do you know if you can't even--" Just when I was about to turn to face him, his face was just inches away from mine. "... see it..." My face became even redder than it was before. My eyes didn't know where to look. When I try to look at him, he's having the same problem as me. My heart is thumping so much, I think he can feel it from this distance.

"I'm sorry.", he said. "I shouldn't have come close." He started backing away.

"Right, I missed it.", I said. "I miss the times when we were together. I missed you suddenly coming in my room. I miss the random things you tease me about. I miss the times when you would make me smile unconsciously. I miss them."

He sighed. "I miss them, too." He smiled sadly. "But I can't always do those things with you anymore. I'm graduating this year, and I'm gonna follow dad's footsteps. I'll become busier than I have already been the past few days."

"Busier, huh?"

He nodded. "Mm."

"Don't you love me?"

I dropped the question. My mouth said these words on impulse. Even I realized it was too late to take it back now. 

His eyes widened. "You can't do this to me. You know how I feel. You cant use my feelings as a tool."

"I can't? Then, what did you want me to do with mine?"

"Yours? Miyoung, I know that--"

"No, you don't. You're not the only one feeling mixed up because of our situation."

"Miyoung, I already told you, I'll only be your brother."

"I gave you permission." I eyed him. "Remember?"

"That was a long time ago. And besides, you're also the one who said to stop."

"I know! But,... I miss you."

He sighed again. He took both of my hands and squeezed them tightly. "Miyoung, we mustn't."

"But--"

He placed a finger over my lips. "No. It's best for both of us."

I know. I know that. I'm only making things complicated. But why do I feel so  frustrated? Why do I want to  do something that should never have happened? Why do I want to do something that would make everything worse? Faster than a second, I already did.

"If you don't want to do it, I will."

I crashed my lips unto his. He struggled at first but gave in three seconds later. He took over me quickly. The kisses were sloppy but enough to satisfy ourselves. He was pushing me backwards that I hit the table. The food I came in with, fell onto the floor. The sound of something shattering surprised us and put us back to reality.

"Shit.", the both of us muttered.

"What have we done?", he whispered.

He left me in that room. I stared blankly on the wall. "What have we done?", I repeated his words. I touched my lips and became disgusted at myself. "What have we done?"

A/N: woop woop updateee~~ 

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