sakimashita

red carnation

"A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?"

Never Ever - All Saints

(red carnation - my heart aches for you)

They sit like that till Taehyung stops crying. Yoongi ignores the sharp pangs of guilt in his chest; choosing to focus on trying to provide the boy comfort. They sit in silence, unmoving, close and huddled against the wall. He rubs his hand in slow circles on Taehyung's back, trying to calm the boy whose sniffs are muffled against his cotton t-shirt. His phone buzzes. He ignores it.

"Hyung.."

He pulls himself a little away from the boy whose eyes and nose are red and cheeks are tear-stained to have a better look at his face. There is saliva sticking to his t-shirt but, it's a testament to how Yoongi is affected by the news that he does not even blink because of it. Taehyung cringes, however, and tries to wipe it away. Yoongi holds his wrist to stop him.

"Hyung, you can't tell others. Not till Bang PD allows."

Yoongi frowns. "How is that possible? Besides they'll notice it when you - you are not supposed to be talking."

The red-haired's laugh sounds bitter to his ears.

"Yea."

Then, suddenly, Taehyung is pushing away from him and is standing. "I forgot there for a while." There is a strange look in his eyes for a second.

Yoongi tries to reassure him. "It has happened to a lot of people. It gets better with time."

Taehyung snorts. Okay, so may be he should not have said that. Jimin is better at this. But, just because he is not good at comforting does not mean he does not want to. "Highly debatable."

With that, they are back to the beginning. The tensed air is back around them and, somehow, he feels Taehyung isn't talking about his surgery-predicament. He watches as the singer kicks the glass and sends it rolling further away and vanishes into the room he now shares with Namjoon and Seokjin. He wonders if this had anything to do with the sudden change in their sleeping arrangement. Why Seokjin had suddenly left their room and had exchanged it with Hoseok when the latter had gone back home.

***

Taehyung does not come out of his room. Not even when the others returned. Jimin is disappointed to find his best friend sleeping. Namjoon pulls Jimin back by his collar and tells him to pester him the next morning when the short singer tries to wake him up. Yoongi and Namjoon greet each other curtly before the latter disappears into the bathroom. The rest of them watch them with confused eyes.

Yoongi shrugs his shoulders at Jimin nonchalantly before he is out of their dorm, heading towards the studio. He has taken only a few steps when he hears footsteps behind him. Seokjin looks tired.

" Yoon-"

"I know about Taehyung."

Seokjin looks shocked. Didn't expect that. Did he?

"Tae - Tae, told you?" He stutters like he couldn't possibly imagine why the other singer might do so.

Yoongi bristles. "Not before I wiped his blood off the floor." It isn't the truth but, Yoongi is feeling hurt. He is the oldest member of the group after Jin and he is among the last to know. So, may be he was avoiding Taehyung for other reasons but, they weren't big enough for him to ignore the younger boy now or, not be aware of his ailments.