sakimashita

pink carnation

  "And I don't feel no remorse,

and you can't see past my blinders"

Ophelia - the Lumineers  

(pink carnation - I'll Never Forget You ) 

Yoongi's body is in autopilot mode. When the cab stops at the station, the driver has to tell him twice before he registers his surrounding and gets out. He pays some cash and walks into the station. He buys himself a ticket and sits listlessly on a bench. Once his train rolls onto the platform, he follows the crowd and gets in. He finds himself a window seat and sits down quietly. People are looking at him he knows more because he is soaked to his bones and less because he may be an idol. He doesn't care. He just wants to go away. Wants to go back home. He wraps his arms around himself, pulling his feet up on the seat, shivering.

At some point he must have fallen asleep he figures, because he wakes up and finds a blanket on him. There is an old woman next to him, sleeping. The boy beside her is openly staring at him. He clears his throat.

And, unexpectedly, sneezes.

"Aren't you an idol? I think, I have seen you before on TV."

"Would it make a difference if I wasn't?" His voice is rough and gravelly, signs of an oncoming sore throat.

"Nah." The boy looks close to thirteen-fourteen. "It would. To my sister though." He sits up excitedly. "Are you.. Woozi?" He tilts his head and has this sharp gaze in his eyes that are oddly reminiscent of someone.

"You're from Daegu. Aren't you?"

"Yes." He stamps his feet impatiently. "Name, hyung. Your name."

Yoongi snorts. "Min Yoongi." He watches the boy's eyebrows twitch in confusion and then, narrow in suspicion.

"You are from Daegu too?"

"Yup." He sneezes again.

"Are you, like, Min.. Suga?"

Yoongi nods his head. At this point, the old lady next to him stirs. The boy goes still and pretends to be asleep. When she opens her eyes, she first looks at the boy and then, turns around to look at the idol and smiles. "Did you sleep well?"

Yoongi feels shy all of a sudden and ducks his head, mumbling a yes.

"You'll catch cold. Which is your station?"

"Which is the next one?"

"Chilseong."

"I'll get down there."

The rest of the journey passes silently. When the train stops at Chilseong, he thanks her, bowing and apologising for returning a wet blanket which she dismisses good-naturedly. He signs on a paper napkin the lady hands to him and gives it to the boy to pass it onto her sister. He gets down from the train and heads outside of the station. That is when it hits him, the seriousness of the situation and he clutches his chest. One of his members was dying. Because of him. Taehyung could have died. Because of him. Just because Yoongi could not accept Taehyung's feelings for him. His stomach churns and he feels like throwing up. He is walking through the Chilseong market. The smell* of meat is not helping either. He hastens from there. He pats at his pockets for his phone and then recalls how he threw it. His shoulders drooped, he looks for a telephone booth. It takes him a few minutes to locate a kiosk. He dials his brother's number. He wonders if his brother is sleeping as no one is receiving it. He is about to disconnect when his brother picks up.