sakimashita

purple hyacinth i

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"Sometimes you got to burn some bridges
Just to create some distance"

I Hate You I Love You - Gnash

  (purple hyacinth - I Am Sorry; Please Forgive Me: Sorrow) 

 His mandatory army service goes unexpectedly nice. Initially, he does have a problem with adjusting to waking up so early and running for drills but Yoongi is used to a schedule, of doing certain things in a certain hours. Just not in an organised and ordered fashion. After the initial hitch, he starts appreciating it - the disciplined environment, the fixed hour of waking up and retiring to bed; the fixed hours for meals. The standard drills for everyone who has joined to be a part of the mandatory service. Yoongi realizes that the army life is better suited to him than the idol one and that he should have just become a soldier instead. Being an idol often gives him identity crisis. Is he Suga? Min Yoongi? Agust D? Has he been successful? In achieving his dreams? Because he has achieved something, but, is it what he had wanted? Wished for? Is he really the cute person his fans think him to be? 'cuz he knows he isn't. Is he really as nice as ARMYs tell him to be? Is he as hardworking as they think him to be? Does he deserve it? How does he distance himself from his on-stage personas? It gets to him in the way fame and glamour gets to everybody else.

Being under someone's scrutiny, knowing someone is always following you, always watching you; that you have to watch your step, doesn't help. It only makes the matter more grave.

Yoongi figures he really really likes the anonymity here. None one seems to recognise him.

Two years pass swiftly and Yoongi is apprehensive of what's to come. He now knows what it is like to live away from the public's eye. Does he want to go back? Is he ready to become Idol Suga again? He has absolutely no idea what the other members are doing and have done in the past two years. Jimin doesn't visit him after first year. His brother Jihoon and his mother have visited him during the visiting hours but most of the times, there was no one. His father dropped in one time and it was so awkward; both of them standing and looking away from each other, at a loss for words. His father left after fifteen minutes.

It is during his last week, Sejin comes to meet, his face haggard, informing how the officials messed up his release papers. He'll have to stay back but only for a week at the most. Yoongi isn't disappointed because once he goes back out there, there's no coming back.

Of course, one week of delay means Seokjin is already out. It means a reduction in the time he'll be able to spend with Namjoon and Hoseok.

The day he is released, manager Sejin comes to pick him up and drive him to his home. When Yoongi asks the older man why he looks so glum, the taller man only shakes his head and tells the rapper to rest well. They'll leave for Seoul twenty-four hours later. They have to cut the hours of his stay at Daegu. Yoongi doesn't insist on knowing why. He'll find out soon anyway.