sakimashita

Marigold

"Like those dead leaves there that have fallen and are flying
My love is collapsing without strength
Your heart is only going further away, I can't grab you
I can't grab you any more more more"

BTS - Dead Leaves

(Marigold - Cruelty, Grief, Jealousy)

Yoongi is going through their Soundcloud tracks to check the covers his group mates had uploaded in his absence. Hoseok had finally uploaded theirs Heartless cover. He is worried for his friend but it was too late to do anything about it since his friend had already left for the compulsory military service. He lazily scrolled through the list finding the number of tracks on there more than what he had expected. Most of them are by Jungkook and Taehyung. His thumb hovers over the I Hate You, I Love You link. It is surprisingly with Hoseok. He plays it. The singer and his rapper friend's voice compliment each other's. Yoongi checks the date of the upload and surmises that it was before the Fight. He scrolls some more to check if Hoseok and Taehyung had posted more such songs. Between that song and an earlier Taehyung song, it is mostly Namjoon's and Jungkook's. Yoongi doesn't know why he is looking in particular for something by Taehyung. He hits the play button as soon as he finds it. Taehyung's deep, soulful voice floats through the speakers.

I took a chance on this

The pen Yoongi's tattooing on the desk stops.

I took too big a risk

And now I'm left with pain to get me high

Yoongi almost presses the stop button.

'Cause how is the man of my dreams not a man of his words?

And how is the man for me just a man that makes me hurt?

He starts scratching on the notepad in front of him with the blue tip of the pen, staring at the bright screen. Jungkook's soft, melodious voice takes over and the tip of the pen digs into the paper.

It's time to take

Take my own advice, take my own advice

Need me to take my own

Take my own advice, take my own advice

Taehyung's voice comes back in the audio and Yoongi scratches the surface of the blue-stained paper harder.

You had to break me, take me

To make me better

But I had to save me, baby

Now or never

It ends with Jungkook's back vocals and Yoongi stops going through any of their other uploads. He cancels the pop-up window and gets up from his seat and leaves the studio. He has suddenly lost the inspiration to work on a song which he had finally been able to muster.

*

Yoongi meets Taehyung in their second fanmeet after his and Seokjin's release from military enlistment. Yoongi wants to take matters into his hand and talk to Taehyung without having to wait for the boy to show up. Since when did they even do that? Yoongi hasn't been able to grasp the situation - that is perhaps why he doesn't expect what is about to happen. He is still stuck in the phase where he had left and the situation feels ludicrous. He talks to Sejin hyung who promptly shuts the idea down and tells him to forget it. It'll be a 'waste of time' and 'am not sure what you are hoping to achieve with that' is what he says. Sejin refuses to tell him where the younger man lives. Yoongi could easily find out and he does find out the address later but doesn't take any step to contact the other man. He isn't sure what stops him but something does hold him back and gives himself two more days; to see Taehyung at the fanmeet and then he'll decide what to do next.