sakimashita

Azalea, the epilogue

"I'll do a number while they torture me, torture me
Set me free
I'm caged inside this shit reality, reality"

Myah - Circus Freak

(Azalea - Take Care of Yourself for Me; Fragile Passion)

Yoongi had not taken just his gift. He had taken everyone else's.

When they had come back to the hotel, they had been all too restless but tired and drained to check up on everyone else. Jimin had told him later that Bang PD and Sejin had known that he was going to leave everyone like that and they had let him go. None of the other staff or the remaining four BTS members had known that Yoongi had left until the next morning.

He throws the gift made from crystal against the wall. It shatters against it, too near to him. His fingers and hand bleed where the broken shards pierce through his skin but it is his heart which is bleeding. It is the pain in the chest that hurts.

When he had told Yoongi to leave him, to leave him alone for it was the only shot he may have had for redemption - with Minjae and not Yoongi and escaping his personal Yoongi sized hellhole - he had seen the anger in Yoongi's eyes, the flush on his face and neck. Taehyung had also seen the red nose and tear stained tracks beneath those swollen eyes.

Taehyung removes his hand from the marble counter top and drags his hands through his hair. He wants to hurt someone he knows. He wants to hurt something. Just something.

Someone.

They are finally over. Everything's over. He has nothing left anymore. Not even the illusion of it and Yoongi had finally left his life. He should be relieved. He isn't. He hates it. He pulls at the end of his hair, takes a shaky breath.

He pushed Yoongi away this time. The short man had finally got the guts and had told Taehyung in not-so-many words that he liked him and Taehyung like the fool he has been, he did what had been not advised. He pushed him away - with harsh words and vague terms of condition.

Will Yoongi ever want to come back to him?

Will he even love him then?

Or, will he belong to someone else then?

Or.. Or..

Maybe he'll decide that Taehyung wasn't worth it. He was just guilt.

The phone on the counter buzzes. It is his own cover of Circus Freak. His last cover with Jungkook which they never got to release to the public due to their fallout. (Later, Taehyung had transferred it to his phone one day and deleted the recording from the studio system.) It is now ringing from his cell phone. Taehyung only watches himself through the mirror.

Open eyes are trying to seek me out
Flashing lights will show what I'm about

He was losing everything. Now he has lost everything

He never got to say a single word which he had wanted to say. He never got to do what he..

Taehyung wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

I'm lost without the way that I turned out

Jungkook's voice calms him down from hyperventilating about his world coming crashing down as the veil is finally lifting up. Taehyung stands up straighter, not really wanting to rinse his mouth. Even bending for that feels like too much effort. It hurts everywhere. No longer BTS, no Namjoon being the rock solid leader, Seokjin the harried hyung, no Jimin or Hoseok, the sunshines of the group anymore. No Jungkook. No Yoongi.

He gets he lost Yoongi. People always lose the ones they love - never get the ones they want. But, Jungkook? Why did he lose the younger boy? He loved him. Gkuki had been his dearest and he his. Then, why.

Why.

A shadow falls on the light marble counter as someone comes and stands near the bathroom door and Taehyung hears him sigh.

"You are still in love with him."

Taehyung doesn't reply. He just watches the pretty white-blue petals swirl in the basin, the red tainting them in the edges. He smiles wryly. It is poetic, he muses. It fits.

"

the thousands of times in one day
that I repeat and think of your appearance
the unforgiving words that you said to me
that icy gaze and those cold expressions
you were an incredibly pretty person
please don't be like this to me, you know me well

"

BTS - Hug Me

a/n: Thank you if you have read all the 90,000+ words. Love Ya.

The recurring/them songs of the fic Dead Leaves and Let Me Know are by Yoongi while Hug Me is by Taehyung. Wonder why his song is about what it is about :3

To find out what happens to the Hanahaki Boys and fluff in the sequel and who the pairing for the Spin-Off is, follow the Blue Rose series. I am hoping to update the sequel.. relatively quicker.