Standing By

On My Own

Lies.

I tell myself lies all the time, where I can't even see the truth anymore. I wish I could just be happy with myself but I can't anymore because my mask is running thin.

I'm scared of them seeing me and I can't have that happen because I'll be done for good. But I hold on and keep my mask on so that I can't break down.

I don't care if I loose myself and don't want to embrace it anymore, I just can't deal with it. I just wanted to be able to feel like I was happy with me.

So far I've gone so far and been able to just tell myself "it's okay, I'm gonna be okay" but I just don't feel it anymore.

I know I'm loosing my senses and I try to stay awake but I just want to sleep and not think about it.

I just don't want to hesitate about anything, I want you here to stay but where are you? I've just lost you because I didn't know what else to say.

I just pray each and everyday for me to stay awake and face reality but I can't. I have lied to myself that I lost you.

I lost someone who actually loved and accepted me for who I was. I'm trying to see light in everyday but I can't because I just wanted you to stay but you got tired.

I understood that, I know that I was keeping you from evolving and growing as a person because of my insecurities and being closed off about myself.

But I wish and hope that one day I am able to be happy with myself and accept that I like and love people who are different like me is okay.

I don't want to feel ashamed about my sexuality ever and I know that I'll be put together

but it's hard because I'm on my own