Dreams On Fire

As Long As I Have You

Meredith Grey was tired. No. She was beyond tired. With three kids in the house, she wasn't getting any sleep at all. Even with Ellie in the rock and play, she still wasn't getting sleep. She was a human cow, always running around pumping or breast feeding, or taking care of Bailey and Zola. Ellie was three weeks old now, and Zola was on spring break. At least Amy was nice enough to bring the older pair to the hospital daycare every day so that Derek and Meredith could at least try to get some rest, but it seemed like every time they fell asleep, five minutes later Ellie was screaming. She wouldn't trade her perfect daughter for anything in the world, but she just wanted some freaking sleep.

The sad part was, she could fall asleep anywhere now, and so could Derek. One day she sent Derek to the store to get more milk for the kids...two hours later she found him asleep in the car. She had found herself asleep in the shower at one point one day before realizing she was slumped against the wall. Couch cushions were great for cuddling too.

But really, Meredith wouldn't change a thing. They'd had a hell of a 2015, and 2016 was their new year. New year, new baby, renewed marriage, renewed life. They were spending so much time together and Meredith couldn't complain. Even at the 4 am feedings, he was awake with her, talking to her and making her laugh, even when she wanted to break down and cry. It had been three years since Bailey was born, and it was like learning how to be a parent all over again, and she loved it so much.

One day, when Ellis was actually sleeping and Meredith was sorting the laundry in the living room as Derek paged through a medical journal, an idea popped into her head.

"We should renew our vows, Der," she said, continuing to fold tiny little baby clothes along with Zola and Bailey's clothes. Derek looked up with a curious smile on his face.

"Any reason why?" he asked her, watching as she neatly folded everything.

"Well. We almost lost one another a few times last year, and this year is our five year anniversary so it just fits. I don't think I'd wear a wedding gown again but I think it's something sweet we should do," she said with a smile, finished with her basket of laundry. She flopped down next to him on the couch and gave him a kiss. "Thoughts?"

Derek took his time and thought about it; she had a good point. Between his being in DC, the car accident, and her near-fatal placental abruption, they'd had a lot of close calls.

"I think it's a great idea," he grinned, wrapping his arms around his wife gently. Her incision was still hurting her despite the fact that it had been three weeks. She'd had it checked out and the doctor had said it was fine, but it still hurt to lift the older kids and to bend over. She knew it would heal in time but for now, she hated that it hurt. Every time she felt the pain she was brought back to that moment on the kitchen floor, bleeding out and losing consciousness in front of Zola, and she wondered what lasting effect it had on the five year old.

Amy picked up the kids from daycare and brought them home, just as Meredith was removing their favorite food from the oven – mac and cheese. Zola ran into the house, her cheeks pink with cold, and wrapped her arms around Meredith's leg.

"Momma I miss seeing you all day!" she cried out, and Meredith wished she could bend down and pick her up.

"I know sweetie, but momma has to be home with your baby sister." As soon as she said the words, Meredith could feel the tantrum coming on.

"But why does Ellie get you all day? Ellie gets EVERYTHING! I want to be with you all day but everything is about Ellie!" she screamed, throwing her backpack down and stomping out of the room. She stomped up the staircase, making sure each footstep was heard before she slammed the doors. Meredith looked from Amelia to Derek, her eyes wide.

"Did she just..."

"I think she did," Derek said, looking alarmed.

"I think we can retire Hurricane Amelia and introduce Hurricane Zola," Amy chimed in, perched on a bar stool. During all of this Bailey was calmly playing with his trucks in the corner of the living room, minding his own business. "Hey at least one of your kids is quiet," she joked, taking a sip of her water. She had a point. Ellie was still quiet.

Meredith left the kitchen and peeked into the nursery; Ellie was indeed still asleep, peacefully rocking back and forth. Meredith smiled at her perfect little girl, before closing the door again; the baby monitor was in the kitchen. Sighing, she returned to the kitchen, rubbing her temples.

"Zola is way too young to be acting like this. Do you think she's jealous of Ellis? I mean, new baby, she's not the only girl in the house anymore...Guys help me, I didn't grow up with sisters, I met them after we were adults, remember?" she sighed.

"Well. I have three older sisters and I remember when Amelia was born I was jealous because there was a new baby and I wasn't the center of attention anymore, because this pain in the ass was," he said, pointing to Amelia, who rolled her eyes.

"Der, you're the only boy, you're the apple of mom's eye, you can do no wrong," she teased him, sticking out her tongue.

"Yeah? And you're the youngest! You don't call her for months and you're still her little princess."

"Okay as much as I love you, and despite the fact that I'm a Shepherd too, there will be no fighting in my dream house, okay?" she said, waving a spoon around as she dished up mac and cheese between five plates, setting them on the table. Amelia busied herself by filling water glasses, with two cups of milk for the kids.

"Der, will you get Zola please?" she said, pulling out a loaf of garlic bread from the oven. He nodded and headed upstairs, gently knocking on her door.

"Zozo? Zola sweetie? It's daddy, can I come in?" When she didn't answer he pushed the door open to find her facedown on her bed crying. "Sweetie what's wrong?" he asked, sitting down next to her. She rolled over and looked up at him.

"No one loves me anymore, everyone loves Ellie. No one has time for me anymore, it's just Ellie. It's all about Ellie!" she said with a tiny little frustrated sigh. Derek smiled and laid down next to her.

"Zozo, I have a little sister too, and I was your age when she was born. Do you know who my baby sister is?"

"No daddy!"

"It's aunt Amy. And when she was born I felt left out and I felt like Nana didn't love me anymore, and I cried and I pouted and I threw a tantrum. But you know what? Nana loved me so much, she just had to take care of Aunt Amy because she was so new, and so little, that she couldn't take care of herself. And I learned that I was a big boy, and I could do things for myself that Aunt Amy couldn't. You're a big girl Zola, you can take a shower and wash your hair, and brush your teeth, and get water from the fridge, and walk around, and Ellie can't do any of those things, mommy has to help her. You're her big sister, you get to help teach her all those things. Isn't that kind of cool?" he grinned, watching as Zola's face lit up.

"That is cool Daddy! I get to be a fun big sister and teach Ellie these things!" she smiled, sitting up. Derek sat up too and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Come on Zo, mommy made mac and cheese," he grinned, taking his daughters tiny hand.

Crisis averted, for now.