Dreams On Fire

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping

Thanksgiving morning, Meredith sat on the bathroom floor, her head in the toilet. The night before, Carolyn had whisked the three kids away to Amelia and Owen's new place, while most of the adults had a pre-Thanksgiving party. Meredith woke up, however, feeling sick to her stomach and clammy all over, and right now she couldn't move from the cool tiles of the bedroom floor.

"Der," she moaned, hugging her stomach, before sitting up and emptying it's contents into the toilet. After a moment she felt him behind her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back gently. She couldn't even remember the last time alcohol had made her sick; it must've been years and years ago, back before she and Derek were truly a couple. After throwing up, she laid down on the cool tile, feeling worse for wear.

"This isn't going to be a good Thanksgiving," she moaned, closing her eyes before she felt herself being lifted up. Derek carried her back to bed and tucked her in, where she burrowed into the numerous pillows and fluffy blankets. Unfortunately, her joy of being back in bed was short lived, when she head Bailey running through the house and he ultimately jumped on the bed.

"Mommy! Aunt Mia and Uncle Owen are the best! We watched Aladdin and they made us waffles for breakfast!" he grinned. The three and a half year old had an endless amount of energy and Meredith's queasy stomach couldn't handle it. Catching him by the waist she smiled, pulling him towards her with a smile.

"Awww, my big boy went on his very first sleepover to Aunt Mia's! I'm so glad you had fun, Bailey-boo," she grinned, kissing his forehead. He smelled of baby shampoo and the rain that was gently falling outside.

"Why don't you go help daddy and Aunt Mia start brunch? The rest of your aunts and uncles and cousins will be here in a few hours," she smiled, and the little boy ran out of the room, ready to beat his big sister for the best space at the counter. Finally, she was able to fall back asleep for a few more hours.

The next time she woke was to the aroma of their usual Thanksgiving day brunch, but instead of it smelling amazing, it made her stomach churn. She bolted to the bathroom, but with nothing in her stomach she only threw up disgusting yellow bile. Once she was finished, she dragged herself to the shower, letting the steam and water help her feel better, and feeling refreshed, she pulled on a tightly-fitting black dress, with grey tights and grey ankle boots, and headed out to the main rooms. The smell still made her stomach churn, but she decided she'd forego the crazy family brunch, instead just having a cup of coffee to help ward off whatever was going on.

Sure enough, the rest of the Shepherd clan and their hospital family showed up soon, and the house was filled with adults and children of all ages, and Meredith was able to hide in the background and hide from Derek that she still couldn't keep anything down. Once brunch was cleared, everyone who wasn't cooking was kicked out of the kitchen anyway, including Meredith, who sat on the floor playing with Ellis, who was going to be a year old soon enough and was starting to say her first words. There were so many other kids running around of all ages; Bailey and Zola had their favorite cousins, but Ellis was the youngest. The smells coming from the kitchen were making her stomach churn again, and Meredith swallowed, fighting back the rising bile. She had had way too much tequila last night.

The day seemed to stretch on and on with no end, and everyone wanted to talk to Meredith it seemed, who felt like crap and just wanted to lay down. She could feel Derek's gaze on her but she turned away, not wanting to let it be known how shitty she felt. She had a family to show off in front of and act like she felt great for, especially as she set the numerous tables with their many sets of dishes as the meal got closer to being finished, with Lizzie, Amelia, and Maggie in the kitchen as usual.

With the food on the table and the wine poured, everyone took their seats. A brief prayer of thanks was said, before food was passed around. Meredith sat next to Derek, who sat at the head of the table, with Ellie in her highchair inbetween them. She had taken food and was attempting to eat it, ignoring the nagging feeling in her stomach that she shouldn't be eating it, washing each bite down with a gulp of red wine, feeling worse and worse with each bite, but she was determined not to leave the table. Suddenly though, she had one bite too many, and she politely excused herself before walking quickly into her bedroom, rushing into the bathroom, and emptying everything she had just eaten into the toilet.

She didn't know how long she remained there; she grabbed a towel and used it as a pillow and drifted off to sleep. She knew Derek already knew she felt terrible and was also otherwise occupied, so she laid on the floor of the bathroom, intermittently sleeping and emptying her stomach. It felt like hours later when Derek walked in and crouched down beside her, concerned.

"Do you think you have the stomach flu, Mere?" he asked her, pressing on her abdomen. She shook her head gently.

"No, it doesn't hurt, I just. I can't keep anything down...oh!" she said, it suddenly dawning on her. She sat up and rifled through the cabinet under the sink, reaching towards the back before pulling out a pregnant test, still in the wrapper.

"I skipped my period...I've been so stressed with work that I didn't realize it. I mean, it would be six weeks by now..." she trailed off, her stomach heaving again as she leaned towards the toilet. Derek nodded and got up, leaving the bathroom so she could pee on the stick and learn their future. Part of her was terrified; the last time she was pregnant she had lost the baby. Two miscarriages, and two babies. The thought of losing another one terrified her. She sucked in a breath as she peed on the stick, setting it on a clean tissue and setting a timer on her phone, then washing her hands. She opened the bathroom door and looked at Derek on the bed, leaning against the doorway.

"Three minutes," she said with a small smile. She wanted it to be positive, she wanted another baby. She had always imagined them with five kids. Five chatty children for their large chatty family, Bailey as the only boy surrounded by four sisters just like Derek had been. She heard the timer go off and she turned, her stomach dropping out from under her. This was it, this was the time to find out their future.

"You want to look, Der?" she asked him, and he smiled gently, pressing her a kiss before he went to look at the test. His back was to her so she had no idea what it was until he turned around, grinning.

"Hey Mere, we're having a baby," he grinned, tugging her close and burying his face in her hair, inhaling the deep lavender scent. She was overwhelmed with emotions, tears springing to her eyes as her hand went to her stomach. She was pregnant again and she couldn't wait, even though she knew each pregnancy was going to be harder on her than the last. She would do anything and everything she could for her children, she thought, as she looked up at Derek.

"We're having another baby," she grinned, knowing that there was an answer for her all-day sickness. Everyone was still in the house, but there was no way she was sharing their private news tonight. It could wait until their Christmas in New York.