The Sickness in Love

The Sickness {part 4}

   Noel and I, have been closer since that week. We've talked about every problem we could possibly have or had. There were no more secrets besides on the holidays. We didn't count holidays because we bought gifts.
I had been 14 weeks pregnant, when we first went to get a check up. Now, since I'm almost 4 months, we needed another one. But this time; we could see the sex of the baby and really plan out our lives together.
After the check up, I was told that if I wasn't careful, the baby could come earlier than plan. We went out for pizza, right after. Talk about being careful. We were careful but not as careful as they told us to be. No making love until after the baby, no eating junk food and don't walk as much. They pretty much put me in bed rest until it was time for the baby to come. I don't like being in bed unless I'm doing something fun, and Noel agreed. So, noel and I, stayed in bed for a couple more weeks. I wasn't allowed to make love to him but that didn't stop him from doing it. We found ways to do it without me, having to move. If I had moved during fooling around, it could hurt the baby even more and we didn't want to hurt her. But we didn't want to stop. Soon we got tired of doing the same positions that we quit making love for a while. We then got bigger and better jobs. Soon after awhile, we were to busy working full time hours to even spend time together.
Seven months pregnant and working a full time job. How I did it? I don't even know. But I had more than a thousand of dollars and could buy our daughter some clothes and toys, that she would need. I was on my way to the store to get some baby items that we needed. Milk, diapers, clothes, and a car seat; I soon regretted going shopping that day. My water had broke near the car seats and I had been sent to the hospital within minutes.
Noel had shown up just hours after I was told, it was to late. The baby was born as a still born on May 26, 2017. She had trouble breathing and organ failures due to her muscles over working. I was so heart broken that I didn't allow Noel into my room. It had only been an hour since I've known and I couldn't Handel him knowing about it. I started regretting, not listening to the doctors about being careful. Why did we not listen? Why couldn't we have waited longer to do those things. Those amazing and wonderful things that only two people shared.
When Noel arrived, I could see him falling apart, at the front of the doorway. He was in tears, and was on the floor; with his head wrapped in his arms. They told him. He didn't need to know. But; I couldn't get up from bed. After our daughter was born, she caused some damage to my organs. I would've died if that meant having our daughter alive and with us. "Noel?" I called out with cry. "Yes?" He answered in tears. "Come here, I need to see your face. I need you." He slowly got up and walked into the room and stood beside me. Tears rolling down his face as he showed a fake smile. "I love you  Noel, please don't cry." I placed my hand onto his face and wiping his tears away, slowly. He then leans in and kisses my forehead softy, creating hot waves in my body. "I'll be okay, we will be okay. We need each other more than ever right now." "I know, I'm not going to leave you here, alone. You shouldn't have to be here and think about this terrible news alone. This is our child and we are her parents. Even if she's gone, she'll always live in our heart." He said as he sat down on the bed, wrapping his arm around my back. I lied my head down onto his lap and started crying, slowly falling asleep. Leaving him there to hold me and care for me as I slept. Soon after I was fast asleep, he slowly started falling into a deep sleep too.
        I start feeling something rubbing against my arm; as I wake up, I see the doctor. She's cleaning an area, that she will be giving me a shot at. My upper arm was covered in the blanket, so she had to use an open area of my lower arm. Noel was still fast asleep and had his arms still wrapped around me. I did not want to get up and war him up. But the doctor said I would need to sit up for the shot.  The doctor also said that I would need some more testing before I will be able to go home. "Noel" I said quietly in his ear as I shook him awake. "Hm?" He answered half awake. "The doctor needs you to get up, I have to go get testing done." "Okay, one more minute." He said as he leaned his head the other way. "Noel, get up." I started pushing him until he was on the floor, crying that I had hurt him. "Ow!" "Sorry, baby" I said as I started laughing at his pain. "I still love you Noel." "You always have your sense of humor. But; I love that about you." He said as he sat down in a chair, rubbing the arm he fell on.
Soon after all my testing was dons, I had the chance to go home. But first, I wanted to see my daughter. I knew she was dead and they might not have kept her here. I got to see her and even hold her. "Good morning, Sara. You might not be able to hear me but I'm your mommy. Your daddy is very upset that you had to leave us. He loves you so much." I started crying while holding her. "I love you so much Sara, but if you want to leave, it's okay because you'll always be in our hearts." Noel walked by the window, watching me talk to her. He started crying as he placed his hand on the window. "Noel..." I mouthed to him to come in. When he came in, I gave him Sara, to hold and talk to. "Talk to her, tell her how much you love her and hold her close to your heart." As I walked out of the room, to get some fresh air; I could hear Noel's quietly speaking to Sara. I knew from the start, that he would be an amazing and outstanding father. No questions asked. He was a wonderful father and husband. I loved him so much that I wanted to go in and kiss him. But I knew I shouldn't. "Hey baby Sara" Noel said rocking her in his arms. "I love you very much, but if I were you I wouldn't leave. I would want to be home with mommy. I would want to meet all my uncles and aunts and cousins. Wouldn't you like to have a pet dog? We have two at the moment and their missing you very much. Please come home with us, baby girl. We love you." As I walked into the room, I went straight over to Noel and held his hand and kissed his soft but sad lips. I wiped his tears again one last time and I put Sara back into the box; she had been in. The doctors were still trying to see what was wrong with the birth and see if they could bring her back to live. But we were told that if anything was found, we would be the first ones to know. Besides, none of our family knew she was born. So if the doctors couldn't help, there was no reason to tell the family. "Sara, mommy loves you." I said as I kissed her warm forehead. "And daddy loves his princess." Noel said, kissing her nose.
We spend about an hour crying
In front of Sara. We then realized that crying isn't going to being her back. Only love will. As we were on our way home, we got a call from the nurses at the ER. It was about Sara, did they find something? We answered and were shocked to hear the good news.
"Noel!!" I screamed as we were tossed down a hill and into a tree. Everything after that was pure black. I wasn't able to feel anything or move. I could see Noel still sitting in the drivers seat, maybe passed out by the impacted. I couldn't see anything through all the smoke. I remember coughing and then seeing flashing lights. Then everything went black again. I wish I was aware of how serious Noel was really hurt, but I couldn't move or feel anything. His body was still. He didn't move at all. No sounds, no blood, no anything. I thought he was passed out but it was way more serious than that.