The Sickness in Love

The Sickness {part 8}

Since Sara's death, Fletcher and I, had been closer than ever. We've gone on more dates than we can count; along with the amount of times we've ended up in bed. Let's just say, the bedroom was once called 'our house'. Cause we never left, unless it was to the restroom.
Fletcher's 30th birthday was in 6 weeks and 43 days. He wasn't hoping for it cause it meant he was old. Which he was, but I was turning 32 two months afterwards. So I couldn't call him old. I had huge plans for his birthday. I'm not going to give out any type of details to his secret birthday party. But, I did happen to buy some special night wear for him. Including some items for that night and a dinner date with all his friends. He would love it, I hoped.
Instead of walking around, spreading sadness. Fletcher and I, decided to start a family together. We knew our baby wouldn't know about their big sister, but we could always talk about her and show pictures. We could set up Sara's room and have Windows for the baby to see through. We could write a sign that reads 'Touch with eyes, Bot hands.' Then as the baby grows up. We'll move them next to it, so they can imagine what it would be like to have a sister. Sara would've wanted a little sister or brother. They could've saved Sara from her death.
For the past three months, I had been in baby mood. I wanted a baby and fast. However; Fletcher did not want a child with me. He counted Sara as his and wasn't going to replace that same feeling.
Which I understood but a baby would've made Sara happy. She was only 14 but to her; she was a grown woman, ready for anything. We didn't know that she was pregnant at the time of her death nor did we know about her boyfriend. But we still loved her uncontrollably. No matter what she did, we loved her. It was sad to have a young mother and her child, die the way they did. She didn't need to kill herself or the baby but she wanted to visit Noel. There wasn't anything that I could've done to talk her out of it. Besides, she wanted to keep the baby and get married after high school. Well, that's what her wrote on the letter, she held as she died.
It would've been weird to have her baby taken out of her and put into my body. That's like, kidnapping an unborn child then saying you created it. Which I would've done but to know it was my grand child and my daughters baby; I wouldn't have.
Couple months after my birthday, we decided to get a pet. Not just any type, it had to be a pure boxer and had to have at least four puppies. Which was bad to find, in a city where we lived. But we found one and bought it home. It was an animal that needed help but she didn't have any puppies; it was okay. I knew I could always get a male boxer and try to get them to create another life.
We had gotten a female boxer with the name of 'Bella'. She was small for her age but in need of food and love. Which we could give. Fletcher gave the dog a bath and I gave it food with water. We both gave it love. Soon after Bella felt better and was in better shape; we got another dog. This new dog was named 'Coco', and was also a female boxer. After awhile, Fletcher started to see a lot of changes I was going through. I had gotten my hair cut short. To him, it was like the dogs hair short. To me, it was cut to my shoulders, which wasn't very shorter than before. After my haircut, I started going to bars and clubs, coming home drunk or with different people. I've only ended up in bed with five people in total. Not counting the times I've done things in the restroom of these places. Fletcher wasn't at home any of these times. Thank god, cause it would've made him upset and want to leave. I knew once I got caught, I would need to stop drinking but I couldn't stop.
On April 15, 2019; Fletcher was sleeping in our bedroom and I had just gotten home from the strip club. My friend had bought me home to care for me. She was so nice that she made me, soup and juice. She feed me the soup and helped me drink the juice. Before I knew it, we were making out on the couch, in our underwear. At this time, Fletcher was awake and had walked into the living, seeing us and joined in. It was a three way into heaven. After awhile, my friend and Fletcher were going at it until they both finished. While saddens me, cause I was his wife, and he didn't do that with me. That was the last time I invited her over. Without her, Fletcher was always upset but then again, so was I. I can admit that I've cheated cause of my drinking and partying but he just woke up. Besides, she would be having my baby, with my man. I wanted a baby with him. Everyday after that night, I've seduced Fletcher into acts that wouldn't even known to man. Which made him proud but it was wrong. I knew I was being needly, but I didn't care. I loved Fletcher with everything inside of me. I wanted him to create a baby with me. But he couldn't. Every time he got close to finishing, he would stop or pull out. I've had to change to plan B: Doing it without him knowing or during a event. While he is sleeping, cooking, driving or showering. A time where he wouldn't be able to hold back. A time where, he's the most active. In the morning or late at night. Those were my plans. Not great plans but it was a plan.

It's the middle of November and i
had failed to get pregnant. Fletcher started to never be home. He's called me before, saying that he's not happy anymore. It was upsetting but I guess I kinda knew it would happen. Ever since that three some, he had to away from home. One week, two weeks, four weeks; no sign of him. I moved. I packed up and my stuff and texted him that I was moving and to come get his things. He never showed up, I left. Never looked back. Found out years later that he had gotten together with my best friend and had two kids. Which was fine. I started dating his best friend and was very happy. Their name was kept a secret, due to the media. Even through we broke up and started dating other people, didn't mean we stopped loving each other. We were still married and agreed to stay that way until our goals were met. I had to have another child and he had to join the army. My boyfriend at this time was a street fighter and won lots of em.
The year would soon be 2025, and I would be a soon again mother to my song, Billy. He would love cars, trucks and building. He would always go fishing and spend time with his father. Talk about Sara and her dad. Pray that billy would get married and have grand children. That I, would have people pray for me and live out my hopes and dreams. Have someone care so much about my life, that there's a memory book about it.
My first husband, Jack. Second, Noel. Third, Fletcher. My high school memories, along with all my past relationships; would be kept
in a 4 by 12, picture book. Ordered by year and date. My body, cooked and layered in a bag. That would be on the last page of the picture album. Dated by death and the cause. 'The death of Alicia Lynn'
'May 11th, 2035"
'Cause of death: Car crash'
I wanted my death to be shown on tv and be allowed on local news. I wanted everyone to know. I wanted all my ex-husbands to be invited and my kids with their children. I wanted everybody to be invited.
That is how i see my death. Being hit by a car and blowing up in flames.
Which might sound terrible but it's how I would want to go.