The lights above me passed like lightning, it was blinding and I could barely see. My chest was hurting like hell... But I could see Josh. I could see a red light hover over my face.
"Tyler, it's okay... Hold on..." My head rolled back and forth. Dizzy, so dizzy. Everything was bright and burning and I couldn't see.
"Push him there... Yes there, we need someone here quick!"
What was happening to me? Where was I? It smelled like antibiotics and... Lemon? Washing up liquid? Hospital?
Oh god I'm in hospital. Josh had bring me here. I must have passed out, why was this happening to me? Why am I still in so much pain?
"Hey Tyler, look at me, don't focus on the pain you're doing well, stay with me Tyler..."
I'm trying to Josh. Let me focus on you. Help me, God, HELP ME.
My head stopped rolling and I laid my eyes upon Josh. God he looked so worried but seemed to be in a distant place... Almost like he wasn't there.
"Tyler Joseph, I'm Doctor Morgan, we got a call from a worried citizen to come and get you. They told us you were in the middle of nowhere, you had fainted?"
My head was spinning, a worried citizen? Where was Josh? "Wheres Josh? He brung me here?"
I saw him sigh, damn what was it? What about Josh made him like that?
"Tyler, we've been through this with your family, and his own... I'm sorry for your loss."
My heart stopped. I felt hot tears running down my face as I clenched my eyes shut. I wanted to see the red again. How could this have happened? How could Josh leave me like that? How? GOD HOW? The only thing I ever wanted in this life, gone forever. He's dead, I can't hold him in my arms again.
"Tyler... We found him... Tied to a tree branch... He let himself go."
He killed himself? Oh my god. I cried more than ever, my heart was pounding in my chest so hard at the thought of never seeing him again. I couldn't see anything. My eyes had gone black, and all I wanted was to see red again.
And that's when I thought...
"I need to see the tree." My doctor was shocked, and I could tell he wasn't gonna let me go so easily.
"You've only just woken up.. you've been in a coma for 3 weeks Tyler, we need to assess your internal organs..."
"TAKE ME THERE NOW!" I was shocked in myself for once. I shouted at him, I drew attention to myself... Oh god I feel so shit.
"We will let you go, sir."
-
I stepped onto the leafy plains of the woods near that gravel, the same gravel I kissed Josh, and I stood before the tree. This was where we built our first treehouse. It was crooked and mouldy, but it was our treehouse and that is all that mattered to us. We only ever wanted to talk in there, for me to sing him songs on my ukulele when we were both stressed out. We had our fights, our arguments, but we had our makeups and hugs too. It was the best treehouse I had ever seen, not for what it looked like, but from what memories lay inside it.
The rope hung onto the tree was still there, noose and all. The stepladder wasn't far either. I dragged it closer to the rope and stepped on, hanging my neck in the noose. Boy I wanted to, but I needed to go to his funeral in the morning, I needed to pay my respects to my cotton candy boy. I'm not going to be selfish. I'm going to give him a rose on the coffin and sing next to his grave. I will sing until my lungs cave in with exhaustion. I will sit in his drum stool and polish the shiny leather every day. Anything that will make Josh happy, I will do.
