Hey guys, I'm submitting this poem to the school newspaper tomorrow. What do you think? Any critiques? (I'm not all that familiar with writing poetry.)
The Girl with No Umbrella
The first time I saw
The girl with no umbrella
She was standing on the curb.
I didn't stop walking,
For I was in a hurry,
But I took notice
Of the smile on her face
And the droplets in her hair.
My grey umbrella kept my dry
—For in my city,
It always rained—
And every day I walked by
Under its shelter
Surrounded by hundreds of others,
Faceless,
Who bustled on their way
In their own umbrella bubbles.
But the girl with no umbrella
Stood apart from the fray.
She had a face—
And it was smiling,
In the rain.
I wondered if she was crazy,
Standing uncovered,
Wet and cold and strange—
And that was when she noticed me
—Noticed me—
And waved.
I didn't look back,
Nor smile, nor wave,
For there was nothing to smile about,
Out here in the miserable rain.
I simply kept on walking,
On the way to start my day,
In the shelter of my umbrella,
The sound of water droplets
Pounding in my brain.
The next day,
She was there again.
Today she sat,
On the edge of the sidewalk,
Grime on her flowery dress,
Dipping her toes in the gutter streams.
I couldn't fathom,
Why she was playing
In the filthy water
That ran beneath the curb,
Day after day.
I tried to avoid her gaze
—It was as if she was looking for me,
