Finding Us

Chapter Eleven

When she opened her eyes, she realized that for the first time in years, she hadn't had a nightmare of the one man who had brought her comfort and pain, made her feel like a queen and yet made her feel like the lowest of peasants, the one who had brought her the sweetest of loves and the harshest of hate. The man she had so dearly loved with every beat of her heart. Evelyn Huffaker moved from her bed to the coffee pot. It was the one thing that helped with her headaches anymore. Even though her heart was getting better, she didn't know that the headaches ever would. She took a sip and made her way back to her bed to get dressed for the day.

Her therapist had told her she could go home in a few weeks. That had come as a shock. She had been so bad off that she'd wanted to be anywhere but home and she'd never wanted to leave her babies. After all, she'd done everything in her power to protect them for all those years. She still blamed herself for the emotional scars she knew would never leave her girls, but there was nothing she could change now. She would make a call to Maia later today, but until then she'd be consumed with what she'd even say. It'd been a year since she even talked to her girls, life had changed so much since then...for all of them.

At least she was thinking clearly now. There used to not be a day that went by that she didn't think entirely of Gerald. She didn't fill with adoration at the thought of him anymore like she once did when she was 17, or even 33, but she didn't fill with fear either. Her heart would always hurt when she thought of her first love, the love that was supposed to last her a lifetime, but she hoped the anger at the thought of his name would soon disperse. All she'd ever done was love him and what had she gotten in return? How long would her and her daughters suffer because of what he had done? What she had let happen?

She hoped these final sessions would help with that. For now, she just hoped her girls had forgiven her. She had just finished her first cup when an aid came to the door to escort her to her therapist. Unlike before, she looked forward to them. She just wanted to be better.

Tammy Thumb sat at her desk comfortably as always. Evelyn was sure she had close to 50 or more patients a day and yet she never lost her smile, her happiness. She loved helping people.

"Hello, Evelyn. You're looking beautiful as ever."

Evelyn sat down and brushed the comment away with her hand. Tammy was at least 10 years younger, in her early 30's. She was brilliant and beautiful and something young girls should aspire to be, "Oh hush, you're young. You need to get out and experience what true beauty is." Evelyn sat down and her mind raced back to a session from last year....

Tammy sat at the edge of her desk and crossed her legs. She got comfortable again before speaking, "Do you ever wonder why I say that every time we meet? It's not just some thoughtless greeting, you know. I see beauty in the woman you are and the hard battle you've fought. The battle you, my friend, are winning.", She patted Evelyn's leg before continuing, "It's a truly remarkable thing to see the beauty that comes when a broken woman gains her strength again. You've still got a ways to go, but who doesn't? We never stop learning, there's never a day when we're done growing. But, now you're learning to grow on your own.", When Tammy looked back up, she saw tears in Evelyn's eyes, "But, let's let you have the floor now." She handed her a tissue and made her way back to her chair, giving Evelyn a chance to college herself

"I hope my girls grow up to be like you because I sure don't want them to be like me."

"And why's that?"

"Look at me Tammy, I mean it's not hard to see."

Tammy was silent for a moment, thoughtful, "You always talk about your girls forgiving you, have you ever considering forgiving yourself?"