Finding Us

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lacey sat in her dorm, late night studying again. It had become tradition now that she was in her third year of medical school. People weren't lying when they told her that being a surgeon took dedication. Some she hadn't found, until she reached way deep within herself. She had a passion for helping people, but that alone wasn't enough to keep her grades up. Studying extensively seemed to be the only thing that worked.

She had finally found a hospital nearby that would let her intern inside the trauma rooms. She already knew she wanted to be heart surgeon. She'd known almost her whole life, but what sealed the deal was her sister. It was her sisters heart who was failing her after the accident. If she could prevent more heartbreak like that, then she would be satisfied for the rest of her life.

She looked over at her roommate's empty bed. Jenny had been gone almost every night with Demetrius. She was happy Jenny had found someone. She'd learned a lot about her friend over the last couple years. The last guy Jenny had been with was no good to say the least. As long as Demetrius treated her right, then she was glad. But, she already knew he was a good guy, even though they both denied liking each other.

She turned back to her books and turned on one of her favorite soundtracks by Casting Crowns. Within the hour, Jenny came back to her room, escorted by none other than her secret lover. Lacey laughed at herself for thinking that. They stood at the door, but it was half open so Lacey heard all of their conversation.

"I had a great time tonight." Jenny leaned on the ark of the doorway

"Me too, I told you the moon looked great on the water at night."

"You were right."

Just then, as if on cue, they both noticed Lacey, "Hey Lace. I hope I didn't keep your roomie out too late." Demetrius said jokingly

"Oh no, she's too loud anyways. I needed the quiet to study." Lacey teased back

Jenny looked shocked for a second before hitting Lacey with her purse, "Pish posh, neither of you could live without me." They all laughed and then Demetrius said goodnight

Lacey tried to use her books as a distraction, but she couldn't deny the fact that they both reminded her of herself and Christopher their freshman year. She also couldn't help the fact that every time she saw Demetrius, she thought about Chris, which brought forth a wave of emotions she wished she could just forget.

"You okay?" Jenny asked from her bed

"Just thinking is all."

"...You miss him..."

"No..."

"It wasn't a question. I saw the way you used to look at him. The way he made you feel, no matter how you tried to deny it. Trust me, you don't forget something like that."

"Do you ever feel like the worst screw up on the planet?"

"It depends on what you mean...."

"I've always blamed my poor excuse of a dad for being so closed off. And I've always been okay with that. Until I ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now, I'm not so sure it was his fault as much as it was mine.", Lacey huffed out of disbelief at herself, "I told myself I never wanted to be like him and yet, here I am."

"You're not like him, Lacey."

"Aren't I though? I don't shut people out by hitting them, but I shut them out. I push people away because I get scared. What if he saw something he didn't like?

"Or what if you saw something you didn't like?", Lacey just looked at her, "Chris was never the issue. He already saw the real you. Flaws and all and he was still madly in love with you. I think the problem lies within yourself. Personal decisions you've made that you're not happy with. No one will ever get very close to you when you close your own self out."