Overwatch One Shots

Lacking Feeling - Widow x Hanzo

The night was cold. Almost as cold as Amelie's slowed heart as she knelt on the rooftop, hair blowing behind her in the wind. There was no need for her to be up here, out in the cold, but she often felt at peace up here, able to watch over the dark world. She let out a sigh as she folded her arms over her chest, sitting down with her feet dangling off the edge of the roof. Coming back here, after the reconstruction of Overwatch, there had been some hope for her. She'd been lead back by Reyes and Sombra of course, but once here, she'd spent most of her time stuck in Angela's little infirmary office. Angela had done her very best to reverse what had been done to Amelie after she had been taken, and she had done quite a good job. Amelie wasn't complaining - she had her memories back and she was no longer under the control of those disgusting Talon operatives. But there was still something missing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to be happy, or excited, or even scared. After Angela had told her that she couldn't seem to get the serum out of her body, Amelie's world had fallen to pieces. She wasn't exactly sad about it for she couldn't feel that. 

She was just numb. 

There was nothing no matter how hard she tried. She tried to laugh at people's jokes but it always came out forced, she tried to smile at people when she saw them but it felt fake, and she even tried to cry when she had finally decided to visit Gerard's grave but she found that nothing fell. She did feel a little besides the numbness, but after describing what it felt like to Angela, Angela had told her that the best way to give that feeling a name was to call it depression. That's what it basically was, and Amelie couldn't escape it no matter how hard she tried. 

She let out a sigh as she looked out over the world. She glanced down towards the floor, but knew that pushing herself off the edge from this height wouldn't kill her, so she didn't even bother to try. She looked back up. The buildings around here were lit up and she often wondered what the people inside the little lit up houses were doing. She wondered if they had a family, if they were having fun, if they were enjoying each other's company. She wondered if they were enjoying what she couldn't have anymore. She sighed and looked away, gripping onto herself a little tighter. She couldn't help but think about what it would've been like to have had the chance to start a family with Gerard. She would've loved to have children, but nowadays, she couldn't even love. 

Amelie's head turned quickly to the side when she heard a noise coming to the right of her. She watched as Hanzo clambered up onto the rough with an exhausted grunt after having scaled up the wall to get here, before sitting down beside her on the edge, leaving quite a large gap between themselves. He flashed a smile in her direction for a fleeting moment, but she didn't try to send one back. She had found some comfort in talking to Hanzo about quite a few things after meeting him when he had been recruited during the reconstruction period, but she would hate to respond to one of his warm smiles with one that only looked forced and fake. 
"Come to think again, Amelie?" He asked, glancing over at her before looking out over the city himself and then up at the night sky. 
"I suppose." She muttered in response, followed by a sigh. 
"What is on your mind?" Hanzo asked, looking over at her and raising an eyebrow. He wouldn't push her for answers she didn't want to give, but he always liked it when she trusted him enough to tell him these things. He watched as she shrugged and pulled her coat tighter shut, trying to claw in any warmth she could. 
"Family." Was all she had to utter in response for him to understand. They'd both pondered together the subject of family before. Family came with problems for both of them and so it was only natural for the subject to come up often. 

Hanzo let out a sigh and glanced back out at the sky, running his tongue quickly along his dry lips. This movement was merely a reflex, not anything else, and Amelie (whom picked up on the smallest of his movements) suspected such. After sitting in silence for a moment, Amelie let out a sigh before elaborating on her answer to his question. 
"I was just thinking about what mine and Gerard's children would look like. I've never really thought about it before, but now..." She shook her head a little, "The concept doesn't excite me like it did to my younger self. I doubt I could even raise children nowadays if I had any." She let out what sounded like a pained laugh here, and Hanzo looked over towards her in worry, "How can I love my children if I can't even love myself?" She muttered quietly in conclusion, before sighing and leaning back a little, swinging her legs slowly as she tilted her head back so that she could watch the stars. 

Silence. 

Hanzo had no idea what to say in response to this, but found that, even whilst sat in this awkward silence, his gaze didn't leave his companion at this point. It was Amelie, yet again, who broke the silence with her soft voice. 
"Did you ever want children?" Hanzo had to take a moment to think before answering. 
"I didn't while I was still part of my father's clan. I did not wish for them to be raised the way I was." He responded, thinking back on the harsh upbringing he had had, before looking back out over the houses. 
"What about now, mon ami?" Amelie asked, her tone still soft. She rarely used French around anyone nowadays, as it was too painful to go through the process of explaining what she meant, but she often referred to Hanzo by 'mon ami' or 'mon copain' after having explained beforehand what the phrases had meant. 
"No. I couldn't. I should probably raise my own children as poorly as my father raised me." Hanzo admitted after a moment. What he had always feared, and still did fear, was becoming like his father. He had already started on that path when he had attempted to kill his brother years ago, and now he was trying to desperately to get off it. Amelie merely nodded to acknowledge his response, a sigh escaping herself as she kept watching the stars. 

"Maybe we were both not destined for children." Hanzo added after a moment of silence, not wanting things to become awkward again. 
"Perhaps." Amelie muttered, "But at least you can still love." She added, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. She envied him, and everyone else, in the fact they could feel. It was all she wanted anymore; to know what happiness feels like again. 
"Don't be so sure, Amelie. As part of the clan and as future leader, they taught me how not to feel from a very early age. I like to think that I'm getting through it, but I doubt I am." Hanzo admitted, glancing over at Amelie. She sat up straight, turning her head to look at him. She frowned at him, for he had not told her this before, before sighing and looking away from him. 
"Perhaps I am not so alone then." She muttered, "I thought no one else knew how I felt." 
"Mine is probably not as severe, Amelie, but I do understand to some degree." Hanzo replied, reaching out to take her hand as a way of comforting her before hesitating and pulling his hand away again, letting it rest in his own lap. He remembered that last time he had tried to use any form of contact to comfort her, it hadn't ended well and so he wasn't going to try again. Amelie did notice the movement from where she was, and she frowned a little for a moment but didn't say anything. She didn't want to bring it up and embarrass her friend. 

A silence consumed them again, but this time it was less awkward and more peaceful than before. The light of the stars lit them up when nothing else did seen as there were no lights up here on the roof. Despite the quiet, everything felt okay for once and it was probably just because they were in each other's presence. The only thing to break the silence now was Amelie letting out a yawn. She was tired when she had first got here, but hadn't wanted to go to bed seen as most nights she was interrupted by nightmares anyway. Being exhausted at this point, she did want something rest against so seen as there was nothing around but her companion beside her, she shuffled closer and rested herself against him, her head resting against his chest. Hanzo's body stiffened up as she rested against him, having not expected this at all and not really understanding why she'd suddenly decided she wanted to be pressed up against him like this. 
"Just relax..." She muttered, glancing up at Hanzo who nodded in response, and smiled a little at her, unable to find any words. For a fleeting moment, Amelie actually managed to smile back. It wasn't fake, or forced, but real. For a moment, she had managed a real smile. She was shocked and looked away again as if nothing had happened, staying leant against him. The silence came back and for a moment, Amelie was uncomfortable with the shock of the fact she had managed a genuine smile for the first time since she had been taken. It took a few moments but she did ease back into the silence, just content with the fact that maybe, finally, there was some hope for her yet again. Knowing there was hope for her was the only thing that mattered now as she fell asleep against her friend under the light of the stars.