I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 5

I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 5

I saw her again at school. She was still depressed, listening to her 'post-hardcore' music, but I didn't see any new fresh scars on her arms. Was it because of me, being there for her? Talking to her? I had actually prevented someone from self harming themselves? Even if it was for a day... It made me feel great.

I waved to her again while my friends weren't watching. She waved back at me... But this time... She did a small smile. Progress had been made.

"Hah, look what band tee she's wearing today," Rylan said.

"Pierce the Veil..."

"Yup. Just another one of her screamo bands."

"Rylan... It's post-hardcore. And it's actually not that bad a band."

He started bursting out into a fit of laughter.

"Omigosh man," he said between his laughs, "That was hilarious!!! I'm dying!!!"

I stood there silently. People were now looking at us. Did I really want to risk my reputation by standing up to him??? I was the popular guy, and I wanted to stay that way.

I started to do a fake laugh so that people would still think of me as the same popular Connor Sanders.

People did... Except for Emma. She saw what I did, and she didn't seem too happy. And by not too happy I didn't mean depressed like she always looked... I meant depressed as in a feeling of betrayal. What have I done.

"Yo, Emma!!!" I said waving to her as she was walking home and I was driving in my car.

She had her usual cigarette in her hand and her earbuds in her ear, but I still knew that she could hear me.

"EMMA!!!!" I continued to shout.

She didn't look at me. Not even a single glance.

"EMMA!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!"

"Sanders, you better stop talking to me," she said, "Some people around here may think that you're friends with me and you sure wouldn't want that."

She continued walking.

"EMMA!!! C'MON!!! THAT WAS JUST RYLAN BEING RYLAN!!!"

"And obviously what I thought Connor being Connor was was totally wrong."

"EMMA!!! PLEASE!!!"

"YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU???"

"GET WHAT???"

"Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE at this school hates me, makes fun of me, and always gives me dirty looks!!! I wanted to kill myself!!! Until somebody, somebody who I though actually CARED about me came and talked to me like a normal person. But turns out, that SOMEBODY JUST HAD TO TURN OUT TO BE A TOTAL JERK!!!"

"EMMA!!!"

"WHAT PART OF DON'T TALK TO ME DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!!"

"Emma, I did try to stand up for you!! I did!!!"

"Yea, but did you know that faking a laugh with Rylan is just a way of agreeing with Rylan??? Just like Rylan, you think I'm nothing but some suicidal girl who cuts herself and listens to weird music. Well guess what Sanders, be prepared to never think of me like that again!!!"

She started running away.

"EMMA!!! What do you mea--"

She turned around furiously.

"Don't follow me."

She continued to run.

Should I follow her??? I probably shouldn't. Maybe she just needed her space. Not like she'd actually listen to me anyway. Sigh.

I went home, alone again. The house to myself, again. Nobody here with me... Again. I wish that for once my brother could just take a break from work. But I knew perfectly well that that wasn't gonna happen.

I heated up some frozen dinner from the freezer while thinking. What did she mean by 'be prepared to never think of me like that again'??? Gosh, she was confusing.

Was she actually gonna change herself, just so I wouldn't be afraid to talk to her at school? Was she actually gonna change herself just because of one mean comment? That didn't make sense though. She's been teased since the beginning of high school. Why would she choose to change now???

I went onto twitter to pass my time while my dinner was in the microwave. I scrolled down. Somebody got Starbucks, somebody had their 2 months anniversary with their boyfriend, somebody finally got a date to the dance, somebody hates their life, somebody fangirling because One Direction is on the radio, somebody tweeting a picture.

I opened it. It was one of those cheesy tumblr quotes; "If I'm no longer here, you'd no longer have a reason to hate me."

The microwave dinged that my food was ready right after I read that quote. I was about to get my food... But I kept looking at the quote.

"If I'm no longer here, you'd no longer have a reason to hate me."

I thought back to what Emma said; "be prepared to never think of me like that again."

If Emma's no longer here... We'd no longer have a reason to think of her as emo again.

OMIGOSH. EMMA WAS KILLING HERSELF. AND IT WAS MY FAULT.

I called her phone. No answer.

I forgot about my food and quickly ran to get my keys and drove to her house.

~~~

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