I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 22

I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 22

"I'm truly sorry sir."

I stood still and not able to say a word, with all the emotions that filled up in me after hearing what I had just heard.

"CONNOR!!!" my brother shouted, bursting into the room.

"Sir, please don't shout in the hospital," said the doctor.

"Oh... Terribly sorry sir... CONNOR!!! WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING MAN!!!"

"Sir!!!"

"Sorry. Connor! Honestly, you leave the house at the middle of the night, then when I come home at 6 in the morning from work you think that leaving a note saying 'brb. At the hospital' will make up for that!!!"

"Uhm... Sorry???"

"Why are you even here???"

I pointed to the hospital bed so he could see all the sadness that lay upon it.

"Oh... Connor... I'm so sorry..."

I didn't say anything back to him. I couldn't. The waterworks started to explode out from me, and I went up to hug my brother. I needed him, not as a guardian, but as my brother. I needed him, for he was the only one other than Emma who had truly stuck with me through all.

"What happened to her?"

"She was incredibly sick," I said through tears, "She had been in the rain for a couple of days and developed a cold. She had trouble breathing from when she took the suicide pill. She started smoking again. She started choking, her lungs gave out."

"Connor, man, I'm so sorry," he said patting my back while holding me close.

"Let's just go home already," I said through tears. I couldn't bare to see her on this hospital bed any longer.

I couldn't be without her. I needed her. More than anything. I knew what I had to do.

I went home and opened the suitcase I filled with her belongings. I took her box of blades.

(A/N: if you read the previous chapter before I posted this, it said that he left the blades behind at her house. I just edited it to saying that he took the blades because he thought they might be needed later on.)

I opened the pretty pink box revealing the dark secrets it held. All of Emma's pain, her misery... Herself. For the contents of this box were the first thing that triggered her suicidal self. They were the first things to kill her. They will be the first things to kill me too.

I took the blade that had seen the most pain. The most blood. The most tears. This was it.

I took it, placed it towards my heart. For my heart had belonged to her. I pushed on it. So far I had made a scar. I kept trying to push, but I couldn't. I was too weak to push it in any further. I had to do it. For her. But I couldn't. I was too weak. Not in my muscles... But I myself was weak. I couldn't kill myself. I had valued life too much to end it. I just couldn't.

But now, I always had this scar on my chest. A piece of her to carry around everywhere. How strong she was, how she hadn't let death get the best of her for as long as she had. Just like I hadn't let death get the best of me.

•••

I went to school the next day, still upset over her death. But I had to hold it in. Who knows what they'd say when they find out she died.

I was about to walk into the cafeteria, hesitant while wondering if people would still talk to me after Harry spreading around that me and her were dating.

I finally walked in, and people stared at me like I was a freak. But they weren't talking about me. They were still talking about her.

"Omg, where is she???"

"Bitch probably killed herself."

"Aha, where's his emo whore?"

"Wow, what an idiot. She has the chance to date Connor freaking Sanders yet she isn't even here."

"If she killed herself, we wouldn't even care. Why are you guys so hung up on her???"

"YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS??? YES, SHE KILLED HERSELF. NOW GET OVER IT," I shouted.

Everyone started erupting in chatter again. But they were... Laughing and giggling over her death???

I stood up on a random cafeteria table.

"You know what you guys," I said to all of them, "What kind of sick school is this??? To actually be LAUGHING over a girls death??? You see a girl with cancer, you don't laugh when she's dying do you??? Why would you laugh at this girl who was suffering depression??? SHE KILLED HERSELF. SHE COMMITTED SUICIDE. SUICIDE. That is no joke. Suicide is not something to be taken as a laughing matter. Don't you realize that a girl killed herself, all because of what people had done to her? Had said about her? Don't you think that's just the saddest thing? Yet you're still here laughing at her?"

People stopped laughing, for they knew I was mad. But they didn't get any more sympathetic. They just rolled their eyes at my speech.

"I see you guys don't care about a girl killing herself, huh? You don't even give a single flipping crap?"

No response.

"Well, I'll give you guys a reason to care. You killed her. You were responsible for her death."

A couple people then started taking me seriously.

"Your words. Your actions. You killed her. Not herself, not anyone else. You killed her. You called her emo and a whore every single day. You made her go home and cut herself everyday. You made her cry herself to sleep everyday. You killed her. It was you. All you. And as far as I know, nobody here has a right to say they did nothing wrong. You all killed her. All those who called her names. All those that just sat there watching people call her names and not stopping anyone. All those people who sat there all quiet and thought they had no part in this. It was you, you and you. It was all of you. You all basically killed a person. How do you feel now?"

I saw guilty looks. I saw sad faces. I saw tears.

"Now, her funeral is at 3:30 pm this Saturday for anybody who has the guts to come. Hope you can make it."

I got off the table and walked out the cafeteria without even stopping to get my lunch.

I held the side of my head against the door. Things were different. No signs of anyone calling anyone 'emo' 'whore' or 'freak'. And that's how it should've been all along.