I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 17

I Kissed Her Scars

Chapter 17

"Emma, I love you."

"You... You can't."

"Why not?"

"I will ruin everything... Like I always do."

"Why would you think such a thing?"

"If I hadn't come, your friends wouldn't have turned against you. And you'd be all happy with someone popular like Alice instead of someone who's a loner like me."

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"It's not. I love you. And I don't care what anyone else has to say about that."

"But I care."

"Why?"

"Connor, I don't know if you quite understand this, but you're the most popular boy in school. I don't want to be the reason your reputation is ruined. I don't want to be the reason they start mocking you... Like they mock me."

"No Emma--"

"It's hell. It's hell what they'll do and say about you. And believe me, I know hell."

I stood there silent. Hell. It was hell that I had caused to this amazing person all those years. Mocking her for her music, making fun of what she wore, calling her an emo whore. I didn't even know the meaning of the word emo anyway and I still don't. It's just a stupid label. Like my stupid label of being a player. Yes, I hooked up with a lot of girls. But I did that because I wanted to feel less lonely, with my brother never being home and me being all alone. I thought having a girlfriend would ease all of that loneliness. But no one understood. No one took the time to understand or get to know who I did the things I did. All they did was judge and judge... Just as we had judged Emma all these years.

No one understood. That's what she had said to herself all these years. No one understood her pain and how she got through it and why she got through it that way. We just mocked her without even getting to know and understand her. She was no different than me, wanting people to stop judging me and saying I'm a player. She was no different than anyone else, anyone else who was judged for a certain thing when no one ever understood or bothered to as why.

I looked at the beautiful girl, still in my arms. Staring at me compassionately. She could tell I was deep in thought. And was probably taking in all that I had said to her before.

"CONNOR!!! GIRL CONNOR SLEPT WITH!!! BREAKFAST!!!"

"Oh... We better put some clothes on," she said breaking out of her silent trance.

"Now those are words I thought I wouldn't hear for a long time."

"Shut up."

We got dressed up in our clothes, not even paying attention to the fact that we were changing right in front of each other.

There she was, adorable as ever, in my sweats that were super baggy on her and large Superman tshirt. She didn't need $100 designer clothes to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

•••

"So," said Derek, "What's up with you two?"

We were both silent. Quite awkward with my brother there trying to make us talk about what happened in the past 12 hours.

"Okay..." he finally said, clearing out his dish from the table, "Guess you lovebirds want some alone time."

"Derek!!! Leave!!!" I shouted at him in a playful brother way.

"Alright, alright, okay," he said, putting his hands up innocently.

Emma finally started talking to me after he left.

"Did you really mean what you said before?" she asked.

"Mean what?"

"What you said before... You said you loved me..."

"Of course I mean it. I would never lie to you like that."

"You've lied a lot to me in the past Connor. What am I to think."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I did it all for your own benefit."

"What benefit? What kind of benefit does lying have for anyone???"

"I--"

"You know Connor, half the times you lied to me, it was just so you could stay popular and keep up your ego of being Mr. Popular."

"But now I've figured out that you're the one I want."

"I'd rather not be a second option before you decide that I'm the one you're falling head over heals for. I'm sorry Connor, but I don't love you back."

And she walked out of my house just like that.

~~~

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