What If I Had

eight - the box in the background

At the foot of my bed....

.... was a nightstand, and underneath that nightstand was a cardboard box. The exact same box from my dream in the basement.

My eyes couldn't make out was written on the side but just I could try to read it, the door swings open. In walks Rick, gripping a mug of coffee. I was in complete awe to see him here.

"Oh... you're awake." He sips his coffee. "How're you feelin'?"

My eyes darted back to the nightstand, but there was nothing underneath but dust. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I held all of my attention on Rick.

I shook my head at him in disbelief, stifling a chuckle. "You're not who I would've expected to see as soon as I woke up."

"And thank God you did," Rick says, sounding disinterested, as he sat down in the seat to the left of me. "I was planning on leaving this morning anyway, I haven't showered in a week."

I-I've been out for a week?

"I... wait, wh-what the hell happened to me? Why are you here? Are my parents here, too?" I ask Rick as he helps me sit up properly in bed.

"A) I don't know what the hell happened to you nor do I care, B) Beth is forcing me to look after you because somehow this is all my fault for leaving out my dangerous concoctions out in the open, C) Fuck no, they left a few hours ago to get to work." Rick tipped his flask into his mug as he explained himself.

I furrowed my eyebrows, folding my arms over my chest. "What was in that bottle, Rick?"

He mirrored me. "What was going through your head, Gwen? You really thought you get away with suicide? Enclosed in a garage steps away from a dining room full of loved ones?"

"You wouldn't understand, Rick. You just wouldn't." I sarcastically chuckled.

"Guess again, sweetheart. Someone very close to me tried to take the coward's way out... and they succeeded. You're not special, Gwen, get over it." He belched, putting his mug down beside him.

"You really think I did this to myself to get attention?" I jolted upwards to sit myself up better but only hurt myself in the process. "How big of an asshole are you?"

"Ginormous. Not like I cared what you thought of me." My eyesight started to blur as the stinging tears began to fall, I had to face away from Rick to hide my lament. "I'm not sticking around any longer, now that you're awake. Your parents'll be here to give you company." And with that, Rick got up and just left.

Fucking jerk.

***********

"--a-and I don't want you ever talking to Rick again, ever!" wailed my mother. "Do you understand me, Gwendolyn?"

With my hysterical mother in the passenger seat and my father driving the car, shoulders stuck up his ears as he clearly looked stressed out, I sat with my head against the window staring out at the street as we sped down the highway.

I didn't really want to interact with either of my parents right now. To know that I've failed in my escape and my parents know this too is pure hell. Now, they'll have their eyes on me 24/7, making it much easier for me to actually do it.

Why the fuck did I have to do it in Rick's garage? Out of all of the places I could've done it...

When we got home, I went up to my room, not a word was shared between any of us. They of course wanted to sit me down to ask me 'what was going through my head?' but I simply told them that I had a headache and needed some rest.