One Thing - One Direction fanfic

Chapter 21

"What are you doing here?"

I jumped up.

"You scared me Harry."

He smiled. His dimples were so cute.

"Sorry. Why are you sitting on the stairs? I thought you fell asleep?"

"I did fall asleep. Then I got up and sat here."

"Why?"

"I wanted to go downstairs but..."

I let the sentence stay open, hoping he'd not pry. Harry sat down next to me.

"But?"

I looked at the wall to avoid his question. When I looked at Harry again, he was still waiting for my answer.

"But I don't know. I don't feel like facing Zayn right now and I think the feeling is mutual."

"How would you know? You've slept for hours now."

"This morning, he was pretty..." I shook my head trying to find a word that fit, "angry? I don't go well with angry people. I don't understand what's going on. What did I do? What did I do now?"

I placed my head in my hands sighing, realizing my throat was dry and hurting from crying. A part of me acknowledged that I was having a fit of my own, the kind that usually only ended when I had tortured myself enough with it. The other part wanted to know what was going on with Zayn and wanted to see his smile, his shining eyes, his laugh, just him being happy. I felt arms embrace me. I did need a hug. I needed something, a sign, a word, anything, that would make sure this wasn't all a terrible nightmare. Harry hugging me only confirmed this was all really happening. I did get to meet One Direction. Brontë did kiss Niall. They are together. I did sleep with Zayn. We didn't get out of it that well. I had my dream come true to a large extent. Would it be bad if I let it stop? This was good enough for me. Brontë was happy, I had had the honor to be with the guys and their girlfriends for some time. Shouldn't that be enough for me? Why was I so greedy that I still felt unhappy? I had had my dream. It had to end at some point. Harry pushed me off abrupt but gently. I looked up to see why. Zayn stood at the bottom of the stairs. He was perplexed, looking at me. He looked at Harry, then at me. His face showed he was still upset. I couldn't hold his stare. He turned around and left. I heard the front door slam closed. I looked at where he had stood. Harry put his hand on my shoulder.

"Not one single kind of relationship is easy. This won't be an exception, but just because it's tough doesn't mean it's not worth it."

He gave me a dimpled smile. I wished I could agree with him, but I knew I wasn't worth it. My demons seemed to have taken control.

"Thank you."

I hugged him and then got up.

"For what?"

"For being there for me, though you don't have to."

"Don't have to? You're my friend. Friends are there for each other. Besides, I know you would most likely do the same."

"I would."

I looked into his eyes and smiled. I went down the stairs. Every step hurt my every muscle, especially my heart. When I was finally in the living room again, I looked up. Everyone's eyes were on me. I noticed Brontë and Niall weren't there, though I didn't bother asking about it. Harry stood beside me, frowning at why I didn't enter.

"Can you tell Brontë that I'll be back at the hostel?"

I looked at Eleanor.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I should call my parents. If I don't, they'll probably kill me. I haven't talked to them for about four days. I should at least let them know I'm alive right?"

I tried my best to pretend I was fine. Zayn not being there did help. I didn't want to see him for a while. I put on the best fake smile I ever managed to do, but I didn't feel happy in the slightest.

"Oh, okay. Will you come at the party tonight? We had it already planned, but you don't have to if you don't want."

"I'm not feeling well today, so I'll pass, sorry. Thanks for inviting me though. Try to get Brontë on board, I think she'd enjoy it."

Although I fully realized Brontë doesn't even like loud music and stuff like that, I knew she would love to spend the night with Niall. She had to go. I didn't want to be the reason she didn't spent every precious second with him now that they still could.

"Okay... Are you sure?"

"Yep, one hundred percent!"

"But you'll be all alone?"

"I don't mind being alone, I'll be just fine. The hostel has a diner as well, so I wouldn't even have to leave the building to be able to get some food. Don't worry about me. Have a good time!"

"Okay then. Let us know if you change your mind."

I nodded, instead of assuring I wouldn't. The girls looked a little worried. I waved as I head for the door. My fake smile was gone the moment they couldn't see my face anymore. I grabbed my bag and put on my coat. When I was about to open the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You'll be back, right?"

I turned around. Liam and Harry were there. I put on my fake smile again.

"Listen, I'm just going to the hostel, call my parents and chill for a little. I'll be fine. Besides, you guys should have fun. Don't be so dramatic. Come, I'll hug you two goodbye."

I didn't let them protest and I couldn't say more, as my throat got thick. I hugged them, knowing it would most likely be the last time I would ever see him in real life.

"Never forget that you are an amazing group of friends. I wish you the best of luck in the future. See you next time."

In my thoughts I added 'on tumblr'. I was already closing the door when I could hear them say bye.

I put on my hoodie. Inthe subway, I let the tears stream down my cheeks. I didn't care much about thelooks people gave me when they heard me softly sobbing. I didn't care aboutthem at all. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or not, though itseemed like the best option. I had my special moment, whether it was a dream ornot. I got off the subway and headed for the hostel. The short walk helped. Ientered the lobby. The man behind the desk was as creepy as the last time, butI paid him no mind. I searched for Brontë's laptop, but I couldn't find it anddidn't feeling like prying through her belongings. I guessed she must havehidden it somewhere for safekeeping. I remembered that there was a computer inthe lobby which you could use for free. This time, the man downstairs greetedme with a grin. I didn't feel comfortable there was no one else in sight. I satdown with my back to the man to avoid his gaze. I opened a browser and searchedfor information about the Eurostar. To my disappointment, the next train was infifteen minutes. I could never make that. So I decided that the one after thatwould be fine, giving me an extra hour. I also looked for trains and buses toget home after that. I found all the information I needed and wrote them downin my phone. As I went back upstairs, the receptionist gave me that creepy grinagain. I smiled back to be friendly, but it made me feel really uncomfortable.I ignored it. I opened the closet, grabbed my bag and started to pack. I took apiece of paper and thought of something to say to Brontë. I didn't want toleave her, but I didn't want to stay either. I hoped she'd forgive me soon. Shecould always stay with Niall if she wanted to. I shouldn't have thought ofthem. Zayn took over my thoughts. My chest felt heavy. There was still time tostop, but my mind was set. I would go back home. I wouldn't waste anymore ofhis time. He deserved better than that, better than me. Checking my phone, Ifound a few messages and missed calls. I ignored them and only checked theclock. It was time.